No time like the present

[uselessanon42]

I've decided to CTB now. I've been in contact with A but I haven't ordered. I've just loaded the shotgun and will drive out to the woods. I know it's a violent way to go, but personally I sort of like it. My family(whom I mostly despise) can't force an open casket. Being drenched in blood has always appealed to me. Of course it's terrifying. My mind is fighting it, telling me to just crawl back into bed. As usual. But I can't. I've pictured this moment every night for 20 years. It's perfect timing. I've lost almost everything I cared about and refuse to be a slave to the few things left that I desperately cling on to. I've never been happy in my life. I've gone way further than I ever planned to. Traveled, loved my job, have a SO and pets. But my decision has never faltered. I long for nothingness. It comforts me as religion comforts others. I do not believe in the afterlife and it will be sorely disappointing to me if there is one. I am thankful to have discovered this forum, even if it was only for a short period of time. I will never get over my own personal pain, self hatred, anxieties and nostalgia. It's time to let go. Thank you all for being supportive and goodbye. Death awaits.

 

[Meena]

Yes it is a violent way to die.
I hope you will find peace

 

[Definitelyworried]

I've decided to CTB now. I've been in contact with A but I haven't ordered. I've just loaded the shotgun and will drive out to the woods. I know it's a violent way to go, but personally I sort of like it. My family(whom I mostly despise) can't force an open casket. Being drenched in blood has always appealed to me. Of course it's terrifying. My mind is fighting it, telling me to just crawl back into bed. As usual. But I can't. I've pictured this moment every night for 20 years. It's perfect timing. I've lost almost everything I cared about and refuse to be a slave to the few things left that I desperately cling on to. I've never been happy in my life. I've gone way further than I ever planned to. Traveled, loved my job, have a SO and pets. But my decision has never faltered. I long for nothingness. It comforts me as religion comforts others. I do not believe in the afterlife and it will be sorely disappointing to me if there is one. I am thankful to have discovered this forum, even if it was only for a short period of time. I will never get over my own personal pain, self hatred, anxieties and nostalgia. It's time to let go. Thank you all for being supportive and goodbye. Death awaits.

I know how hard pulling the trigger might be, I don' have a gun, but if I did, I don' think I could use it on myself.
I' thinking of full suspension maybe even tomorrow. This is going to suck.
Sorry to hear about your pain

 

[givenup]

I want to pull the trigger

 

[chronicpainnomore]

Good luck. I hope you find peace.

 

[typx]

Good luck. Be brave. Find peace.

 

[givenup]

I wonder if they did it.. please let us know if not anon!

 

[El Topo]

Anon, if you went through with it, I hope you found the peace you were looking for.

 

[Definitelyworried]

I think he might of gone through with it.
This what I feel I must do also.

 

[givenup]

i think so too

 

[Definitelyworried]

This happened the first day I joined this site, so far I seen 3 people posted their ctb post, where they are not heard from anymore.
In my opinion this suggests they went through with it.
One shotgun and 2 hangings.
This is a big deal to me.
I hope they never suffer again.

 

[Tomasnil]

Good luck

 

[dwimplepeen213]

I hope you found peace. Rest in peace. I'm not far behind you.