Venting No sadness in ceasing to exist

[FuneralCry]

There's no sadness in ceasing to exist, in this cruel and hellish world where there is endless potential for suffering death truly is the only relief, all that comforts me is the thought of this existence permanently disappearing into nothingness.

I don't understand those who act like suicide is always the tragedy no matter what when in fact for me it's the relief, I see suicide as something positive as it's the end of being trapped in this futile existence just waiting to die anyway, suicide is the one escape from the meaningless and torturous burden of existing as a human.

I see so much beauty in death in my case, I envy those who cease existing, rather than suicide being the tragedy what's tragic is how life even exists at all with selfish humans so harmfully deciding to procreate imposing decades of pointless suffering onto others even know nobody can literally suffer from never existing at all.

Suicide would be positive for me as existence is the source of all suffering after all and I have no interest in suffering, I prefer eternal nothingness, there's no sadness in being at peace for all eternity, rather eternal peace is beautiful, all that's desirable to me is the eternal absence of existence where all is finally forgotten about. To have the ability to exist as a conscious being is an abomination that causes nothing but harm, I see no benefit in being burdened with this existence when there are no disadvantages to being permanently unaware, more than anything I wish I never existed at all.

Existence is an undeserved punishment imposed on us by those who so cruelly decided to procreate and death is the relief for me, I don't see how it's so tragic if one manages to escape from decades of unnecessary suffering just to decay from old age and die slowly in agony.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Agreed. You often describe society's view of life as "cult-like worship" and lately that has been feeling so accurate to me, I'm so sick of it. I just want my decision to be respected.

 

[lack]

i deeply share your feelings. i have cried to many friends, desperately trying to explain to them that by discouraging me and telling me how selfish i am being in my feelings; that it feels that they, too, are being selfish. that it feels abusive to insist that i live through this, only to struggle. for what? for why? for them? what does that do for me? everyone is so tired of trying (and failing) to support me, everyone is fading away and being so distant as time goes on. it's for the best, as it will hurt them less when i die. maybe they're fading away because they know it's inevitable. but to suggest we're doing this as a choice that's self-serving, .. what the fuck? and what's so wrong with that? in a world where we struggle to do anything meaningful for ourselves and there's this one most meaningful thing.. and we're not allowed it. only allowed to suffer. i just, .. can't.. compute..

i have never and will never ever even suggest to someone that to kill oneself would be an act of selfishness. i've even had friends who shared with me that they are suicidal and were livid with me for not discouraging them (i certainly didn't encourage them either), and they chose to cut me out of their lives for being such a "bad friend". but i would never, and could never tell someone who truly wants to die that they can't or shouldnt. that's not my fucking place. our lives are our own. only. wholly. we are so indoctrinated to have to be so fucking entirely independent and alone, yet when we choose to take our own lives into our hands in often the only ways we know how, we're made to feel so bad for it. i don't want anyones last feelings on this earth to be "well, i guess im a selfish piece of shit but whatever". or thinking about LITERALLY anyone else. this choice should be for us. for our lives. its our lives. what the fuck. i physically tense up when i think about all the people who think of other people and how other people negatively perceive them in their last moments.

i want my last thoughts to be ones of confidence and security. knowing im doing the best thing for myself. that this is the most compassionate and loving action, to show mercy. i want to be my best friend in that last moment, knowing this was the most caring thing i could do.

 

[Eudaimonic]

I certainly hope that you're right about death being eternal nothingness