No Response..

[Life_and_Death]

back in the day, i tried to keep in contact with people...and not just any people...people that i considered family (my mothers school friends were basically my aunts), my real family, people that i considered my friend for years.

i tried and tried. id say good morning and ask how they are and say goodnight. id try to be social and everything....but i never got the same back. they never said anything but the vibe was that i was a bother.... and then they just never messaged back.....


between this and my bpd causing periods of time where i myself cant talk, and then struggle to pick myself back up....i cant talk to people anymore.
to the people that didnt hear from me again, im sorry... but at the same time, youre not exactly messaging either. i guess you decided i wasnt it. and thats fine not everyone is going to click.
can you blame me when i couldnt even connect with people that know me..... why the hell did i think id have any chances with others....
i just dont get it, in all my years of trying....i struggle to keep people....and the people that say they like me....seem to end up going away (not in the way my "family" did, they seem to have their life...but it still hurts...)

i have 1 person that i talk to (not my bf lol). we met on another suicide site. shes my best friend and all i have. sometimes we can go a bit without talking but when we messages each other again it has a different vibe from everyone else... shes actually my friend....more than my family that knew me even was for me....
(hell, i had my "adopted grandmother" get pissed off that i had work. you got pissed off at me for being responsible)


i know here im mostly talking about internet friends but i also want people to hangout with....people to talk to..... people that care......and im so tired of being the one that puts in all the effort...... just to be left in the dust....my lungs are so full of sand i cant breath anymore.....

 

[errorsinmypast]

I understand, people feel like such a huge disappointment. Don't let it put you off trying, not everyone will vibe but when it does happen you'll know and you won't need to 'try' cos it will flow and happen naturally. You sound like you'd be a fabulous friend

 

[Life_and_Death]

Don't let it put you off trying

i dont disagree at all but its exhausting... hundreds of people and only 1 has worked out... ive tried here, discord groups, a chatting app, a local group
im not sure what to do anymore..a person can only get kicked down so much..