No real reason to CTB but still intend to

[diy-event]

I am never clear with myself why I desire to CTB. I generally have a good life but I get these waves that I want to hang myself. It's more than thoughts, because I have made attemps.

Right now I am in the two steps forward one step back state. Eventually that two steps forward will be off a stool.
I am sure I am just going to say - well I did it - as my last thoughts

Do others here have the desire to CTB but really don't understand why - even if it comes only at times. Have you made attempts and plan to again?

That's me - that last two stepforwards was booking a hotel. The step back was the cancelling. I am getting very close to the stool

 

[Turtle Power]

I have really low periods where I'm about to make the jump. Then something will happen that makes me want to stay for a little while longer.

I have attempted a few times with alcohol because it's a "poison" and it's easily obtainable. But statistically it doesn't really work by itself. Which I learned the hard way, lol.

Ever since then I have been looking for a reliable method that won't leave me severely brain damaged or a vegetable.

 

[diy-event]

I have really low periods where I'm about to make the jump. Then something will happen that makes me want to stay for a little while longer.

I have attempted a few times with alcohol because it's a "poison" and it's easily obtainable. But statistically it doesn't really work by itself. Which I learned the hard way, lol.

Ever since then I have been looking for a reliable method that won't leave me severely brain damaged or a vegetable.

What type of methods have you been thinking about?

 

[Turtle Power]

What type of methods have you been thinking about?

I have looked into every method that I have read about the past few years.

Helium or nitrogen sounds peaceful, but there's a slight chance something could go wrong (bag rips, oxygen gets in, I run out of gas). It's also kinda pricey. If I screw up the procedure I could end up severely brain damaged and stuck as a vegetable for the rest of my life.

It has to be 100% successful because I feel like I will only have one shot.

Another option I thought about is jumping off something, while probably under the influence of some good drugs and alcohol.

 

[diy-event]

I have looked into every method that I have read about the past few years.

Helium or nitrogen sounds peaceful, but there's a slight chance something could go wrong (bag rips, oxygen gets in, I run out of gas). It's also kinda pricey. If I screw up the procedure I could end up severely brain damaged and stuck as a vegetable for the rest of my life.

It has to be 100% successful because I feel like I will only have one shot.

Another option I thought about is jumping off something, while probably under the influence of some good drugs and alcohol.

I feel what you say - I want it to be 100% lethal and I am willing to take some pain with it, if it increases the chances of it being lethal - that's why I have chosen hanging - once you kick that stool - and your anchor is solid - you won't last long - as I have seen on suicides on video

How close are you to the moment - i feel a wave coming myself

 

[Turtle Power]

I have no motivation to do anything at the moment. I'm going to see a few friends in a couple weeks so I have that to look froward to right now.

 

[diy-event]

I have no motivation to do anything at the moment. I'm going to see a few friends in a couple weeks so I have that to look froward to right now.

I find Winter saps me of energy - makes life so hard to exist - too much snow and I just want to end it

 

[Turtle Power]

I find Winter saps me of energy - makes life so hard to exist - too much snow and I just want to end it

I feel that. The calling got really bad this past winter, more intense than the last few years. But it's almost spring now and I can start to pre-occupy myself with outdoor activities.

 

[diy-event]

I feel that. The calling got really bad this past winter, more intense than the last few years. But it's almost spring now and I can start to pre-occupy myself with outdoor activities.

I came very close after Christmas - I had booked a hotel had all my things in my kit - and just ready to CTB
Came very close -