Venting no one would care if i died

[strawberryfield]

i stopped going to school when i was a teenager and not a single one of my friends contacted me, i stopped posting on social media and no one has noticed, haven't spoke to family members either but not one of them has tried to see me. i always see websites telling me to "reach out to someone", yet there is no one to reach out to. my family are extremely aware of how i feel but they just simply don't care. if i killed myself right now, everyone would wish they did something or at least showed they cared. i know this sounds messed up but it almost makes me want to off myself just to prove something to them.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

*hugs* you are not alone. I have felt like this many times and still feel this way from time to time. I have been abused by my family, bullied in school and eve college, abused and sexually assaulted numerous times. I reported it but nobody gave a shit and my abuserrs roam free. I too feel like if I died nobody would care. However, if you don't mind a suggestion, maybe consider reaching out to your friends. Sometimes people don't reach out not because they don't care but because things might be going on their lives personally. Also they might not want to come off as bothersome, etc. If you reach out they might be happy to hear back. Only way to know is by trying

These days I just live to play Pokemon. And somethign else I realized. I believe that we all have at least one person who cares. Whether its family, a friend, a neighbor, even a pet. For now, I'd say just focus on the one thing that brings you joy. For me thats Pokemon. Things fall into place in time.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I know how you feel and I'm sorry you feel this way. I haven't spoken to anyone for months. When I ctb I don't think they'll wish they'd said something, some of them will cry but only because that's what you do when someone dies, my death won't leave any imprint on anyone. Mostly I'm glad about that, it takes the guilt away, but it does hurt a bit that my life is so worthless and i'm nothing to anybody.

I don't know what I can say other than you are not alone. Sometimes people just don't see how much their (in)actions hurt others. I think that unfortunately if you want interaction with them you will have to reach out to them. I hope things get better for you

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I know how you feel and I'm sorry you feel this way. I haven't spoken to anyone for months. When I ctb I don't think they'll wish they'd said something, some of them will cry but only because that's what you do when someone dies, my death won't leave any imprint on anyone. Mostly I'm glad about that, it takes the guilt away, but it does hurt a bit that my life is so worthless and i'm nothing to anybody.

I don't know what I can say other than you are not alone. Sometimes people just don't see how much their (in)actions hurt others. I think that unfortunately if you want interaction with them you will have to reach out to them. I hope things get better for you

The part "Sometimes people don't see how much their (in) actions hurt others." part os so true. I think of many parents who have children and abuse them. Do they not think about the mental trauma their children will suffer which will further impact how they treat others and themselves? I wish my parents and all my abusers thought of that but they instead made me feel so bad that I feel like CTBing often when I am suffering or have an issue

 

[Sinai Silence]

Same here friend, there's no worse feeling than having people surround you and not a single one care about you. When I had my first attempt which feels like such a long time ago I was out of school for a good few months. When I got back it was business as usual in the 'make Sinai's life miserable' department. People are ultimately selfish creatures and struggle to show empathy and the consequences of their in/actions. Regret is a lot stronger than gratitude, I hope you find someone who truly appreciates you.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Same here friend, there's no worse feeling than having people surround you and not a single one care about you. When I had my first attempt which feels like such a long time ago I was out of school for a good few months. When I got back it was business as usual in the 'make Sinai's life miserable' department. People are ultimately selfish creatures and struggle to show empathy and the consequences of their in/actions. Regret is a lot stronger than gratitude, I hope you find someone who truly appreciates you.

I agree. I also feel many people odd;'t know how to be there for others. I feel a lot of us don't know how to be there for others. Not to make an excuse for those who struggle and those who abuse and hurt others. But I feel a lot of us are broken and don't know how to be there for others let along ourselves

 

[suffering]

Same here.

 

[strawberryfield]

*hugs* you are not alone. I have felt like this many times and still feel this way from time to time. I have been abused by my family, bullied in school and eve college, abused and sexually assaulted numerous times. I reported it but nobody gave a shit and my abuserrs roam free. I too feel like if I died nobody would care. However, if you don't mind a suggestion, maybe consider reaching out to your friends. Sometimes people don't reach out not because they don't care but because things might be going on their lives personally. Also they might not want to come off as bothersome, etc. If you reach out they might be happy to hear back. Only way to know is by trying

These days I just live to play Pokemon. And somethign else I realized. I believe that we all have at least one person who cares. Whether its family, a friend, a neighbor, even a pet. For now, I'd say just focus on the one thing that brings you joy. For me thats Pokemon. Things fall into place in time.

i'm so sorry that happened to you :( you don't deserve it.
thank you for replying to my post! i tried to reach out to them at first but we were teenagers when we were friends so they've probably forgotten about me now

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

i'm so sorry that happened to you :( you don't deserve it.
thank you for replying to my post! i tried to reach out to them at first but we were teenagers when we were friends so they've probably forgotten about me now

Ah I see. Well in that case you can still try. You never know.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

My family would care about me dying, but beyond them I'd be forgotten in a week. If I was someone worth remembering I probably wouldn't hate myself to this extent. I'm sorry it's like this for you, it really is awful feeling so insignificant in the world. We acknowledge you.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Same for me. We're insignifcant to this world. We're like cockroaches.

 

[lunatic]

I feel the same way. I have no friends and almost no family, none that I'm especially close to. In a way it's a good thing, I wouldn't want anyone to hurt because of me catching the bus.

 

[strawberryfield]

My family would care about me dying, but beyond them I'd be forgotten in a week. If I was someone worth remembering I probably wouldn't hate myself to this extent. I'm sorry it's like this for you, it really is awful feeling so insignificant in the world. We acknowledge you.

i can relate to this so so much!! i'm so sorry you feel this way :(

I feel the same way. I have no friends and almost no family, none that I'm especially close to. In a way it's a good thing, I wouldn't want anyone to hurt because of me catching the bus.

i'm so sorry :(

 

[End_Game]

i know this sounds messed up but it almost makes me want to off myself just to prove something to them.

That's a stupid and selfish reason.

 

[Elbarado]

That's a stupid and selfish reason.

guess its more of a feeling and a wish to see who cares.
theres a song lyric "to die just to see who cares"
The feeling or thought is a bit paradox, cause you wont see what happens, you are dead, but you imagine how it would be.
Its not out of the intention to hurt somebody or to make them feel guilty.

 

[End_Game]

Its not out of the intention to hurt somebody or to make them feel guilty.

But it is though. In order to see who cares, you have to hurt them. So you want them to feel guilty. You're just lying to yourself so you don't feel guilty.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

Same here

 

[Elbarado]

But it is though. In order to see who cares, you have to hurt them. So you want them to feel guilty. You're just lying to yourself so you don't feel guilty.

maybe more of feeling loved

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm about twenty years beyond the point of caring about if anyone will miss me. Way past that point.

 

[OnlyBuilt4Linxs]

But it is though. In order to see who cares, you have to hurt them. So you want them to feel guilty. You're just lying to yourself so you don't feel guilty.

Well he's not gonna feel guilt if he's dead

 

[strawberryfield]

That's a stupid and selfish reason.

i don't mean it in this type of way. i wouldn't actually kill myself purposely to make people feel bad, i just mean it as i wish i could make people understand how i feel. but you're right really, it is a selfish way to think.

 

[262653]

Isn't indifference kind of a default state? And then it might change for a specific person if we are percieved (or potentially so) as beneficial or harmful to that person.

Why would you want anyone to care?