“No one is obligated to do anything for anyone”

[Pryras]

Followed by "you shouldn't have expections for people"

That was the last conversation I had with someone and I was mentioning what I thought was basic decency and something I "expect" from others In my life. He said there is no such thing and I shouldn't have ANY expectations on anyone.

I mean, I partially understand what he means by that but personally? I don't think it's a bad thing to have. I have standards and expectations in place to keep bad people out of my life, I only end up getting hurt when I have them for the wrong person.

what do you think? I appreciate all viewpoints

 

[GoBack]

I think you can have your own standards for yourself but when you expect things of other people you could just get hurt. It's up to other people what standards they have for themselves. Maybe this makes no sense

 

[Soul]

I feel it's fine for you to distance yourself from people who don't meet your expectations - that's normal boundary-setting - but your friend is right that you'll meet way more people who *don't* meet your expectations and shouldn't have to try. That's fine and normal too.

 

[Pryras]

I feel it's fine for you to distance yourself from people who don't meet your expectations - that's normal boundary-setting - but your friend is right that you'll meet way more people who *don't* meet your expectations and shouldn't have to try. That's fine and normal too.

i think that's what I was trying to get across to the person but couldn't find the proper words for it. It's my boundary of sorts, I don't expect people who aren't in my life to have them but as far as decency goes I do with people who are in it.

 

[NekoNomNom]

The last time I was told this, it was ten years ago by my son's dad. He met up with some girl he'd met over Myspace, and she told him that he has "no obligations to anybody but himself," because he was complaining to her about having to help take care of our two week old son. It effectively ruined what little relationship we had left.

I also had the expectation as a child that my own parents were supposed to love and protect me. That quickly stopped when I turned 7.

I know that it's fairly obvious that you should at least have *some* expectations from your parents, but in my experience, there are people who just don't understand that.

 

[nigelhernandez]

I think it goes in life with "the world owes you nothing". Which is sort of true but ones of those platitudes said in a malicious way.

What I find funny about this phrase is that it can be used to justify suicide. If the world doesn't owe you anything then I don't owe someone the continuation of my life just to spare them grief.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It's kinda true kinda not. Yes we shouldn't expect people to do stuff for us, but we absolutely should expect respect and to not be made uncomfortable by people for no reason.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It's true. No one is obligated to do anything in life. We negotiate our duties based on complex social and biological needs. If we choose to have no obligations then we will lead a pointless existence. If we choose to have too many and expect them returned then we will be disappointed. There are no rules and no obligations other than what we choose.
So it's true and it's a good thing. It's the choice that has value. If there was unbreakable obligation then the choices we make would be worthless.