Venting No one cares

[aerithmaze]

I don't understand how people continue to live, there's nothing to do and if there is no one cares enough to do it with you or engage. I keep finding myself in this loop of finding people, i breakdown and they don't care. or they stop caring eventually. I told a close friend today that I was sucidal and I didn't know if i could continue talking to him and he just replys "okay, thank you for everything..."

not even trying to stop me from dying or comfort me. i feel this way with so many, that only my feelings will burden them and they won't care. I never wanted it to be true because a part of me wants to live but its true. I know life isnt just about other people, but it is. It really is. when people leave they live a hole in my life, if i leave, they already have so many to replace me it wont matter to them. im frustrated, upset and so deeply sad. i want CTB, badly.

I want someone to care about me, to actually love me. That's just not possible for me, though. I look forward to the future and this dumb cycle just repeats. things won't get better I know it. even when people talk to me in my lowest moments, it just seems like they're only doing it to not get me to die, then they just stop talking to me. Im so sad, I don't understand

I'm working up the courage to jump tonight. Im scared, though, im so scared.

 

[uselessflesh]

i think every human is inherently soulless or cruel for this reason

we both deserve a better place