Venting no more motivation

[suprswag]

I have no motivation anymore. It took me a whole 10 minutes to even log in and start writing this because I have absolutely no more motivation. I have not been active lately, and this is why.

I can barely get out of bed in the morning, and can barely get out of bed to take my contacts out before bed. In the morning, I dissociate for about an hour, I can't even tell reality apart from my mind at this time. Sometimes I think I'm actually living in my mind in the morning, I'll actually see a different world inside my head and completely forget what reality is. I'll do something in this "other world" I'm living in, then wake up to reality, and question myself if it's the same day, year, of if I'm even real. I can also control what I do in this "world". I can feel "real" objects, and speak to other "people". It's as if all my knowledge of what life is so far and just been applied to a whole new world.

I have no motivation for even life itself, I wake up, then completely disconnect from reality, and forget what the real world is.
I have no motivation for anything, not even for expressing my emotions. I'm tired of faking my emotions. I can't to this anymore, the only time I experience real emotions is either with my friends or favorite family members, or when I'm inside this world my mind has made.

 

[Sulyya]

When I saw the word dissociate there I thought that is such a good word for it, I relate to this already. Wow though that is strong dissociation you describe.

The lack of motivation to move, when that sets in.... there is almost a molecule of relief in it where you think "thank goodness, I didn't want to go another inch. let's just lay here and stop pretending there's a point"

 

[suprswag]

The lack of motivation to move, when that sets in.... there is almost a molecule of relief in it where you think "thank goodness, I didn't want to go another inch. let's just lay here and stop pretending there's a point"

Exactly, that's almost exactly how I feel, except I just automatically enter this "world" without even thinking.

In the earlier stages of this (2-3 years ago) I had to almost force myself into it, then I stopped experiencing it for a while. Then recently (about a year ago) I just started going into this world automatically, without realizing it.