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FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,507
Its so sad reading stories of people who killed themselves because they had a breakup, divorce or experienced unrequited love. It is a tragedy NO person in this world is worth ending your life over. This year I have experienced the worst heartbreak ever and still recovering from. I am 26 now and when I was 25 I fell deeply in love with a 55 year old man. Long crazy story
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...5-year-old-man-he-has-hurt-me-so-much.108273/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ke-myself-vulnerable-to-man-or-anyone.111984/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-was-throwing-my-life-away-wanting-him-to-love-me.118639/

All my life guys my own age ignored me and never wanted to know me it was absolutely wonderful a man finally noticed me and was attentive to my needs. He made me feel so special it hurt so much how he humiliated, disrespected and hurt me because I was always so good to him and deeply cared for him. Month after month no matter how hard I tried to get him the pain was never going away and I genuinely felt like I was never going to meet another man ever again in my life who noticed me and made me feel special the way he did. Just seeing women I grew up with getting married and I just felt like a failure because I can't get a man of my own and always unsuccessful with men.

The heartbreak was so bad I began abusing laxatives and diet pills again so I will not have to feel anything anymore. I wanted all the pain to stop as it was pure torture having this deep love for a man who discarded me as if I was nothing and saw me as nothing. People in my life kept telling me "get over it" if it was easy I would be doing it already. I felt so alone and i just wanted to die so there would be no more heartbreak pain anymore.

Recently I have been visting Christmas markets and events in my city. Visting one Christmas market it finally hit me I can have enjoyable times with another man and an even better man. That old man wasted his life being stuck with the same older woman on and off for over 20 years while using other women when his relationship breaks down but I can start my life again with another man and get it right. I used to be so jealous of his 55 year old partner but now I realise she is stuck with the manbaby coward and all his problems

No person is ever worth ending your life over. I still have days where the pain just won't go away but nowadays it's slowly becoming manageable to live with. It felt like the end of the world when it all went wrong with the man but now the whole thing feels like the clock is resetting itself so I can start again and get it right.
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
3,440
At first I was going to write something along the lines of "who are you to say that people shouldn't ctb over a failed relationship" but that'd be rude as your post shows a lot about what you've been through and that you experienced heartbreak yourself. I'm sorry.

Nonetheless, people react to the same type of suffering differently. I know you're still in pain from your relationship but others may just have suffered worse due to a heartbreak. I don't say this as some bullshit pro life sentiment comparing suffering and implying that only the worst people's suffering is valid, no. The point is that people react to suffering differently and some are strong willed to fight against it whereas others are weak willed which explains why some people kill themselves over this whereas other people like yourself carry on even if the suffering you go through is a lot.

I believe that no person is worth dying for too but, at the same time, I don't blame those who did die for a person. In the end their choice is theirs to make and I hope they found peace
 
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offtoseethewizard

offtoseethewizard

Student
Aug 19, 2023
114
I have to agree. Heartbreak is temporary. It may not feel like it at the time, but it absolutely is.

When you are young you feel like a year is the longest time in the world. When you're a bit older that time goes by in a click of your fingers.

I know it's not trendy to say that pain caused from a breakup isn't valid to be suicidal on these forums, but in this case, by waiting it out, you genuinely will feel better. I've been there countless times.

On the other hand, when I say I feel my intractable mental illness makes my ideation valid, I'm also tempted to see it in the same way.

However comparing situation to someone who has permanent hallucinations for example should put it in perspective. And it's not only likely you will have great times in the future, when you meet someone who loves you even more. It's completely probable.
 
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forest_ice

forest_ice

she/her 🏳️‍⚧️
Aug 18, 2023
12
i get where you're coming from, but on the other hand, i fantasize about ever meeting a guy at all

「まだ待つよ」…待ちたいない
 
MatrixPrisoner

MatrixPrisoner

Enlightened
Jul 8, 2023
1,244
It's already a primitively-driven human trait. Add in certain aspects of personality disorders such as limerance and you often get feelings that are beyond self-control. It can dig and dig at your ego. It's not that people ever want to feel this way, they just do and sometimes it's there is nothing they can do about it.
 
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CTB Dream

CTB Dream

Disabled. Hard talk, don't argue, make fun, etc
Sep 17, 2022
2,186
V sry sffr , wabt say ppl vald ctb prsn this many ppl die see prsn die disapre see all sffr ,ppl die ppl ctb los ya this diff ppl sm ok sm not, this v cmplx brain neuro ,many ppl die many ppl ctb, this not prsn only this part mmry part brain go prsn die brain cell not all pppl safe not all ppl ok Los brkup etc ,this wrld sffr v scary not all simil ppl, ppl posbl even small thing ctb get prmnt sffr ,this=/=prsn, this=cmplx, life awfl unvrs awfl bio awfl ,add age etc this kill slow all part die,this lif all wrng
 
Shar

Shar

Experienced
Nov 23, 2023
290
I think any reason is justifiable to end your life if it brings you suffering. We did not ask to exist in this world and therefore have no obligation to suffer for anything. It is ridiculously unnecessary and cruel that we even have to suffer.
 
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hellispink

hellispink

poisonous
May 26, 2022
1,230
I am pretry sure all those "people" who died because of "love" didnt really die because of that reason. People must be in a very low deep hell to commit suicide. People have traumas situation's opinions and then it builds up. Then maybe a heartbreak happens and the glass of water can't keep more water in there and its like a bomb, it explodes. I doubt anybody really off themselves solely because of heartbreak. There are always other motives for it. Even if they werent evident, there are always other motives. So i never judge anybody or tell them not to do it, cause i know they just feed up and one situation broke whatever they were trying to do.
 
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dreamingofrest

dreamingofrest

so, so tired
Nov 7, 2023
124
I am pretry sure all those "people" who died because of "love" didnt really die because of that reason. People must be in a very low deep hell to commit suicide. People have traumas situation's opinions and then it builds up. Then maybe a heartbreak happens and the glass of water can't keep more water in there and its like a bomb, it explodes. I doubt anybody really off themselves solely because of heartbreak. There are always other motives for it. Even if they werent evident, there are always other motives. So i never judge anybody or tell them not to do it, cause i know they just feed up and one situation broke whatever they were trying to do.
I hadn't thought of this perspective, but this is probably true. I imagine that a lot of people considering CTB because of a breakup may have had other factors contributing to their choice.
 
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Sluggish_Slump

Sluggish_Slump

Specialist
Mar 29, 2023
300
I never experienced heartbreak but I can see why it could contribute to someone's suicidailty. I think we should be neutral about it - not romanticize and not shame. People ctb-ing for reasons X or Y are an easy target for ridicule because they can't defend themselves againsts any allegations after they are dead...
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Tortured by evil humans
Sep 24, 2020
35,209
Threads like this fail to take into account that everyone experiences existence differently and it isn't like anybody is obligated to continue existing anyway. Suicide is something very personal and just because you feel a certain way about your own situation doesn't mean it automatically applies to other people. As after nobody can truly understand what other people go through, only they are the ones experiencing their existence after all.
 
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Freimann

Freimann

Member
Dec 23, 2023
39
Oh, that's because you haven't met him. I can't blame him over we distancing from each other, nor can I blame myself for the way things turned to be. But one thing is true; I'll never miss someone more than I miss him. Everything remembers me of him. All my apps, all my playlists, all my favorite songs, all my favorite books.

Life without him is just unbearable. I won't ctb because of him, but he was definitely the trigger for me taking the final decision. He's like a drug to me. I have withdrawals, sometimes even physically. We just had another 2h call and when broadcasting his screen, he had deleted my contact and archived our chat, while having another guy pinned and unarchived. That was it. I'm on the process of getting a .38 cal, if it fails, I'll try SN. If even that fails I'll try partial hanging or night-night.

You guys have any tips regarding how to deal with the guilt of leaving family behind? Not because I like them, but because of the impact it might have on them. I feel like that's something that might hold me back, and I don't want nothing holding me back.
 
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