Discussion No excuse for suffering

[Superdeterminist]

Does anyone else feel that way? Things happen that I don't want to happen, I suffer, and I have a very hard time tolerating it. I don't curse literally everything that doesn't go my way, but many things I do. Things that other people might just shrug off, I simply can't. I can't seem to find a way to be at peace with the flaws of reality (this includes flaws of my own - I'm one part of reality after all). Ultimately, if life isn't a perfect story, serving my happiness, I don't think I want to see it through, it irritates me more than anything else. But actually, I feel that life is much worse than just a little imperfect, since we have to contend with horrors like disease and there's potential for enormous pain, with no promise that it'll ever be redeemed. I feel like in the end, there's nothing that can really be said or done to justify how foul this arrangement called life is. I want to express my disapproval of life by ending my own existence, like a kind of protest maybe. Whether that be to god if there is one, or to the cold uncaring void, if there isn't.

 

[Beachedwhale]

" I don't curse literally everything that doesn't go my way, but many things I do. Things that other people might just shrug off, I simply can't."

I used to think like this for years, but it was actually a way of avoiding processing all the events of my life hitherto, something that I desperately needed to do. And now because I did not do that at the time, I continued living in self-hatred and stagnation and gave up on taking care of my health, and then missed out on opportunities, and that has led to my current sorry state and made me much more suicidal. It turns out that all that time I actually had a treatable but very deceptive physical condition which I would've discovered if I had just loved myself a bit more. So perhaps you ought to ask yourself whether other people could truly shrug off your problems if they were really in your shoes, or whether in fact there are hidden demons that you need to address.

Does this resonate or am I just patronising?

 

[WornOutLife]

I think some people really have bad luck and some others good luck.
For instance, you can't choose neither where you're born nor your family.
Damn nonsense universe!

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I kind of see your point, but theres an elephant in this room...

if I had just loved myself a bit more

I cant speak for OP, but I find this impossible. I'm very well aware that I create a lot of my own problems (or I allow them to come about by inaction), but I absolutely CANNOT stop hating myself. Ten years of meds and therapy and that fire burns as strong as it ever did.

Maybe I could recover if I was worth it, but I'm not.

 

[Superdeterminist]

" I don't curse literally everything that doesn't go my way, but many things I do. Things that other people might just shrug off, I simply can't."

I used to think like this for years, but it was actually a way of avoiding processing all the events of my life hitherto, something that I desperately needed to do. And now because I did not do that at the time, I continued living in self-hatred and stagnation and gave up on taking care of my health, and then missed out on opportunities, and that has led to my current sorry state and made me much more suicidal. It turns out that all that time I actually had a treatable but very deceptive physical condition which I would've discovered if I had just loved myself a bit more. So perhaps you ought to ask yourself whether other people could truly shrug off your problems if they were really in your shoes, or whether in fact there are hidden demons that you need to address. Does this resonate or am I just patronising?

I do recognise that my intolerance to life's problems is itself some kind of personal mental quirk of mine. It's really just my perception and I fully acknowledge that. I see that others feel very differently which proves to me that what I feel is not fact - but it's still what I feel. This mental problem I have is one of the flaws I'm not happy about. But I don't feel like I'm "avoiding processing events" as you mentioned with your own story - I'm not sure what that would mean in my own life. I think that I pay decent attention to my own health, at least I try to. If there was a clinic where I could get my brain augmented to kill this negativity and opposition to life, I surely would. Sadly, the actual mental health services we have are appalling, and not only useless, but potentially even harmful, from my experience. And I don't blame people for this really, but our ignorance of the mind.

I kind of see your point, but theres an elephant in this room...

I cant speak for OP, but I find this impossible. I'm very well aware that I create a lot of my own problems (or I allow them to come about by inaction), but I absolutely CANNOT stop hating myself. Ten years of meds and therapy and that fire burns as strong as it ever did.

Maybe I could recover if I was worth it, but I'm not.

Personally, I don't hate myself, at least I don't think I do. I don't love myself either though particularly. There are things I like and things I dislike about myself. For me self-hate is not (apparently) really an issue, but I see that others, like you, really struggle with that and they have my total sympathy. Because I know that the mind isn't something we really have control over. We are no more in control of our brains than any other organ in our bodies. If your kidneys suddenly failed, that wouldn't be your fault, same goes with the brain.

 

[Beachedwhale]

Have you tried psychedelics like magic mushrooms?

 

[Superdeterminist]

Have you tried psychedelics like magic mushrooms?

I haven't, sadly they're illegal here. Although I do hear that they're increasingly being investigated as a treatment for depression, and I wonder how effective that is.

 

[demuic]

I do recognise that my intolerance to life's problems is itself some kind of personal mental quirk of mine. It's really just my perception and I fully acknowledge that. I see that others feel very differently which proves to me that what I feel is not fact - but it's still what I feel. This mental problem I have is one of the flaws I'm not happy about. But I don't feel like I'm "avoiding processing events" as you mentioned with your own story - I'm not sure what that would mean in my own life. I think that I pay decent attention to my own health, at least I try to. If there was a clinic where I could get my brain augmented to kill this negativity and opposition to life, I surely would. Sadly, the actual mental health services we have are appalling, and not only useless, but potentially even harmful, from my experience. And I don't blame people for this really, but our ignorance of the mind.

Personally, I don't hate myself, at least I don't think I do. I don't love myself either though particularly. There are things I like and things I dislike about myself. For me self-hate is not (apparently) really an issue, but I see that others, like you, really struggle with that and they have my total sympathy. Because I know that the mind isn't something we really have control over. We are no more in control of our brains than any other organ in our bodies. If your kidneys suddenly failed, that wouldn't be your fault, same goes with the brain.

That's similar to how I see things.

Things that are bearable for other people I cannot tolerate. I can't accept certain things which just happen to be the reality of our current world and society. The absurdity is too much. I'm tormented and driven insane.

I also don't hate myself, there are things I like, and in fact think would be better if more people were like me in that way, and things I dislike, and many of the things I dislike seem to be outside of my control or beyond repair at this point.

Thus, nothing short of a complete personality change, memory wipe, and a rewiring of my brain's chemistry could make me want to enthusiastically live in this world, and with medical science in those areas in the stone ages, there's not much chance of that.

 

[Beachedwhale]

That's similar to how I see things.

Things that are bearable for other people I cannot tolerate. I can't accept certain things which just happen to be the reality of our current world and society. The absurdity is too much. I'm tormented and driven insane.

I also don't hate myself, there are things I like, and in fact think would be better if more people were like me in that way, and things I dislike, and many of the things I dislike seem to be outside of my control or beyond repair at this point.

Thus, nothing short of a complete personality change, memory wipe, and a rewiring of my brain's chemistry could make me want to enthusiastically live in this world, and with medical science in those areas in the stone ages, there's not much chance of that.

On your last paragraph: psychedelics are being shown to rewire the brains chemistry by dampening the activity of the default mode network and creating new neural connections among other things. They have a lot of potential for treating things like depression and many say that they were hugely helped by them. In fact they have been used for thousands of years precisely for healing purposes.

 

[demuic]

On your last paragraph: psychedelics are being shown to rewire the brains chemistry by dampening the activity of the default mode network and creating new neural connections among other things. They have a lot of potential for treating things like depression and many say that they were hugely helped by them. In fact they have been used for thousands of years precisely for healing purposes.

Perhaps it could treat depression, but my problems are more than depression.