Suicide just isn't straightforward because as humans we are all programmed to survive even if one is fully aware that death is what they wish for, it's like the survival instinct exists just to prolong suffering and keep one trapped here. But in my case I know the fact that suicide methods are either risky or inaccessible holds me back, failing a suicide attempt is exactly what I fear, I know that if I had a method as peaceful and ideal as Nembutal I would have no problems in going through with ctb.