Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry for the events that have led to you needing to seek it out in the first place, but I hope you can find whatever it is you seek here, in a supportive community.
It is worth reading this page, if you haven't already:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/rules-and-faq.4/
The pinned posts at the top of this forum (Suicide Discussion) have a wealth of information. This can range from discussion of methods and their feasibility, a list of non-methods that should not be attempted, and also a list of support megathreads where you may be able to connect with people who share experiences similar to your own.
Don't be concerned about language: your first post is written very clearly. If you personally find it necessary, you can use tools like Google Translate to help you express yourself. People here come from the world over with different backgrounds, so please don't feel worried about how you word things. We're all here for the same reason.
I hope you can find peace, in whatever form is best for you.