Venting Ngl talking to people i like feels like a fan talking to a mega famous celebrity sometimes

[coolgal82]

i realised this fully/fully realised how to like put this to words earlier when high but like im posting here now cus i wanna see yalls thoughts

But like basically sometimes for some people i just kinda like respect them/like them so much that i both wanna get closer to them randomly and wanna talk to them but at the same time it becomes really scary to talk to them cus like what if they hate me, what if i upset them, and also just because i feel like so insignificant/inadequate/whatever next to them and how i kinda dont deserve to because of that too? like a fly thinking they should go to talk to a human or something. idk.

it sucks honestly because like i wanna get closer to them and interact with them more but its terrifying (and like honestly for my bestie which is like probably the biggest out of them it almost feels more like a living god kinda situation? i might be being dramatic or whatever but idk i remember kinda having that thought at one point. and like im even more scared to talk to her incase of annoying her or whatever but like we still vc alot but also those vcs are like my only source of true actual happiness and hope and etc really idk. the highs are high but the lows are low. although i randomly kinda stopped caring for a little bit a few days ago but also like it couldve been tiredness/drugs/whatever idfk there are a million explanations but honestly the idea of not liking them is scary. or was at that time atleast and is rn but like sometimes it isnt idk this is already way too long

 

[coolgal82]

also ngl i forgot to add this originally but im curious if anyone else feels the same?

 

[derpyderpins]

also ngl i forgot to add this originally but im curious if anyone else feels the same?

I can certainly understand it! I was probably more like that when I was younger. For me it's very much a need for approval. If they were the cool person then I could be cool if they approved of me.

The only time I got quite as far as you describe would be when I had a crush on someone, though.

 

[coolgal82]

I can certainly understand it! I was probably more like that when I was younger. For me it's very much a need for approval. If they were the cool person then I could be cool if they approved of me.

The only time I got quite as far as you describe would be when I had a crush on someone, though.

definitely not a crush for me i dont think lol? idfk i just call it "not platonic/sexual/romantic but a secret 4th thing" where like it is platonic but its just kinda extreme and i have no idea lmao feelings are confusing

 

[sixthgun]

also ngl i forgot to add this originally but im curious if anyone else feels the same?

All the time. It's so weird when I don't really know that person at first so I'm fine talking to them, but as soon as I find out they're cool I turn into a weird fanboy and I start worrying that I'm going to disappoint them or make them hate me. Like if they reply "k" or "thx" I immediately think they hate me

 

[WearyWanderer]

Yeah idk what this is called but I think I do it too and actually I saw people talking on a subreddit once about how people with a certain diagnosis can get more enamored with and hyper focused on people who they find interesting and/or cool. With mine I usually didn't even become friends with them because I felt like they were so cool they were above me and intimidated or just I'm not good at joining into pre established groups either idk lol.

But like it's kind of similar to a paradoxical relationship where I'll also become super intrigued by certain artistic influencers who always have the most unique looks and effervescent charm. But then the para social thing can happen with people more directly connected to me too such as a classmate for example.


I'm nervous to post this cuz I feel like it looks kinda unsettling to an outside perspective lol.

Oh and also I do think part of it could be limerence but in the sense where you admire and idealize someone because you imagine them as having the perfect style, looks, hobbies, jobs and life you've always wanted so it's partly a projection of your own wishes of what you could achieve and create. And since you can't it then falls on them and in your mind they can even if you can't? If that makes sense

 

[The_Hunter]

Yeah idk what this is called but I think I do it too and actually I saw people talking on a subreddit once about how people with a certain diagnosis can get more enamored with and hyper focused on people who they find interesting and/or cool. With mine I usually didn't even become friends with them because I felt like they were so cool they were above me and intimidated or just I'm not good at joining into pre established groups either idk lol.

But like it's kind of similar to a paradoxical relationship where I'll also become super intrigued by certain artistic influencers who always have the most unique looks and effervescent charm. But then the para social thing can happen with people more directly connected to me too such as a classmate for example.


I'm nervous to post this cuz I feel like it looks kinda unsettling to an outside perspective lol.

Oh and also I do think part of it could be limerence but in the sense where you admire and idealize someone because you imagine them as having the perfect style, looks, hobbies, jobs and life you've always wanted so it's partly a projection of your own wishes of what you could achieve and create. And since you can't it then falls on them and in your mind they can even if you can't? If that makes sense

I once heard a passing mention of it as a "favorite person" function of BPD; just something I heard once. hope this helps!