livingdeaddyke
roses STAY dry.
- Dec 10, 2025
- 10
I've been thinking about it for a while like 1-2 years at most.
I went to a library art show whatever, I was on the second floor, it was a round railing. a good height. I felt very drawn to it. At the time I wasn't at a very good mood, I was still very suicidal. at that moment I just wanted to jump but I couldn't, too many people were on the same floor as me and would try to stop me. i was having a silent panic attack because of my mental health, suicide ideation, and anxiety from just too many people.
Ever since then I've been having constant, intense, ideations of myself jumping and falling on the ground below (since there are people below me for obvious reasons, I have to position myself at an angle where I don't hurt anybody. it's the last thing I wanna do).
Apart of me is also fearful by how much it will hurt me and how I'm going to feel everything, especially fracturing and breaking my bones, or worse, paralyzed (but that's if a land on my spine I guess) ... but I feel like I was meant to do this anyway. if I do survive, at the very least I quelled my curiosity on how it would feel to jump and survive lol.
I went to a library art show whatever, I was on the second floor, it was a round railing. a good height. I felt very drawn to it. At the time I wasn't at a very good mood, I was still very suicidal. at that moment I just wanted to jump but I couldn't, too many people were on the same floor as me and would try to stop me. i was having a silent panic attack because of my mental health, suicide ideation, and anxiety from just too many people.
Ever since then I've been having constant, intense, ideations of myself jumping and falling on the ground below (since there are people below me for obvious reasons, I have to position myself at an angle where I don't hurt anybody. it's the last thing I wanna do).
Apart of me is also fearful by how much it will hurt me and how I'm going to feel everything, especially fracturing and breaking my bones, or worse, paralyzed (but that's if a land on my spine I guess) ... but I feel like I was meant to do this anyway. if I do survive, at the very least I quelled my curiosity on how it would feel to jump and survive lol.
