New years resolution

[DetachedDreamer97]

I've seen a movie with my parents called "Don't Look Up" and I won't lie; it kinda broke me. Not because I feel bad for the characters (as sad as it was), but more that the fact that if this world were to end now, I'd die before I'd have lived. My entire life has been a sheltered one. I don't have any meaningful connections except from a distance, and whatever forms just doesn't seem to last long. I live under the heels of my grandparents, and now my mom, who sabotage everything by bringing up my past and get it wrong in such a way I look like a demon. With jobs, I'll be treated like a side character, seen as nothing more than disposable. And my options are limited where I live. Just fast food/labor/or retail. Never been in a relationship, never had sex.

As much as I want to die, I want to live. Not just survive for the sake of living, but I want to actually experience something. I want to be satisfied, to die with no regret. But… to do that, I'll have to kill my weaknesses. So, I can no longer be taken advantage of. I want to get power, because the truth is… power is the real cure for depression; not happiness. That's what the shrooms taught me. The reason I suffer is powerlessness; to be forced to live at the whims of others, whom don't have my best interests at heart. And I realize I'm as entitled to live as much as if not more than those who seek to look down upon me, to use me, to cheat me. Because I've proven myself.

I'm gonna be spending the rest of my break studying, and learning how to utilize all my strengths to seize what I want. And I'll shut down anyone who intends to take advantage of my kindness. And by the end of it all, I'll br in a better position. I won't have to be alone, I won't have to be stuck in a place of doing meaningless things. I won't have to take shit from people.

Only then; I'll be "happy". And that's when I can die. But if all fails, I'll die knowing I've tried.

Let my will, my strength, my everything be a sword and a shield!

 

[eternalpeace]

View attachment 82942
I've seen a movie with my parents called "Don't Look Up" and I won't lie; it kinda broke me. Not because I feel bad for the characters (as sad as it was), but more that the fact that if this world were to end now, I'd die before I'd have lived. My entire life has been a sheltered one. I don't have any meaningful connections except from a distance, and whatever forms just doesn't seem to last long. I live under the heels of my grandparents, and now my mom, who sabotage everything by bringing up my past and get it wrong in such a way I look like a demon. With jobs, I'll be treated like a side character, seen as nothing more than disposable. And my options are limited where I live. Just fast food/labor/or retail. Never been in a relationship, never had sex.

As much as I want to die, I want to live. Not just survive for the sake of living, but I want to actually experience something. I want to be satisfied, to die with no regret. But… to do that, I'll have to kill my weaknesses. So, I can no longer be taken advantage of. I want to get power, because the truth is… power is the real cure for depression; not happiness. That's what the shrooms taught me. The reason I suffer is powerlessness; to be forced to live at the whims of others, whom don't have my best interests at heart. And I realize I'm as entitled to live as much as if not more than those who seek to look down upon me, to use me, to cheat me. Because I've proven myself.

I'm gonna be spending the rest of my break studying, and learning how to utilize all my strengths to seize what I want. And I'll shut down anyone who intends to take advantage of my kindness. And by the end of it all, I'll br in a better position. I won't have to be alone, I won't have to be stuck in a place of doing meaningless things. I won't have to take shit from people.

Only then; I'll be "happy". And that's when I can die. But if all fails, I'll die knowing I've tried.

Let my will, my strength, my everything be a sword and a shield!

I admire your determination. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I admire your determination. I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks man! I wish you luck on yours, if you have one!

 

[gottago222]

i believe in you detacheddreamer97, youve got this !
im guessing you were born in 97, i was born in 93 im the opposite of you ive had lots of experiences in my short life and i have SEEN TOO MUCH. even tho i was "living" i wish i could unsee a lot of what ive seen. lol i think there are some pros of not experiencing much, you have all innocence in tact. enjoy it while U can

 

[FuneralCry]

Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

i believe in you detacheddreamer97, youve got this !
im guessing you were born in 97, i was born in 93 im the opposite of you ive had lots of experiences in my short life and i have SEEN TOO MUCH. even tho i was "living" i wish i could unsee a lot of what ive seen. lol i think there are some pros of not experiencing much, you have all innocence in tact. enjoy it while U can

Thanks, and yeah… I'm 24. My innocence is a little tainted… I assume by too much, you mean negatives? Or too much of the good thing?

 

[user_name_here]

Really happy for you, i hope you can turn everything around and achieve what you've laid out.

Haven't watched Dont Look Up yet, but looking forward to it. Leo is a god tier actor and the plot is even more relevant to Human life than ever before.

 

[gottago222]

Thanks, and yeah… I'm 24. My innocence is a little tainted… I assume by too much, you mean negatives? Or too much of the good thing?

ive had some extremely good times that made me feel so alive and blessed to be alive. what i have seen too much of is corruption and degeneracy.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

ive had some extremely good times that made me feel so alive and blessed to be alive. what i have seen too much of is corruption and degeneracy.

That, I'm afraid I have as well.

Which is why I'm so angry, and I just want to flip everything on its head.