Story New to the thread

[Red87]

Hi how's everyone doing I'm new here not anyone to talk to don't have friends family don't really talk to me so I came here looking for someone to talk to before I ctb

 

[Stavrogin]

Hi how's everyone doing I'm new here not anyone to talk to don't have friends family don't really talk to me so I came here looking for someone to talk to before I ctb

Hey, I'm available to chat with you once you're able to PM.

 

[Red87]

Here's my story kinda always been a loner don't like social environments was in a first bad relationship with my first husband who beat me for 5 years had two kids with him I got divorced from him years ago and was in and out of shelters because all the stuff I did my parents never really forgave me they adopted my oldest son in January I've been in his life since he was 2 got remarried in 2014 to my loving husband Jason me and my parents fought for 12 years the used me alot used my son against me wouldn't let me see him if I didn't do what they said I still talk to them see my son everyday but because all the shit I went threw I have trust issues and am very jealous person because of what my first husband did I loved my new husband with all my heart but I couldn't get over my past we fought alot but he fought for me everyday and I fought for him and against all odds we were together for 8 years and married for 5 in December last year but everything I wanted or needed is gone we got into a fight on December 27.2019 I made him walk home I left him at work and went home fell asleep he had been walking for 3hrs and I didn't no because my phone was in the car at 630 that night I finally got my phone we had a small argument and I hung up on him he begged me to come get him I did after 10 more minutes he tried to give me directions by text but I couldn't find him I looked and I looked his phone was going to voicemail I said so many awful things to him I regret Because I didn't mean them I started to get worried because I see a firetruck blocking traffic they couldn't tell me anything I asked if they seen anyone walking they said no I called the police asked them they asked me details told me they would call right back at this point I was still calling driving around looking for him when they called they asked me where I was and asked me to meet them then they told me my husband was hit by a car and died I'm I lost the only person in my world who ever loved me protected me because of a stupid fight he lost his life but we promised each other that if anyone of us died we would die to and I can't take life without him anymore even though I have a 10 year old I just can't handle life without him I know I need to stay but I just can't anymore I've never belonged here since I was little I always wanted to die I almost died in January for taking eye drops but I didn't I'm just really ready to go home I love my kids but there better of because I just can't let them go threw what I went threw it will be hard on them for awhile but I know they will understand and I have someone who can give them a good life I wasn't able to well there's my story thank you for listening
So how's everyone doing today mines going ok I guess just trying to get threw the day so I can sleep hopefully tonight
Thank you stavrogin