New to the site

[ConfusedandDazed]

First thank you for this site. I'm new and to have a safe place to discuss this means a lot. I've never vocalized this to anyone and haven't even typed it until now. I don't want to live anymore. The only thing keeping me here is my family. I may be older than many on this site but I married with kids. I love them, I do but my pain to so big.

I'm afraid. Afraid of leaving them in pain, messing up my kids, leaving my wife deep in debt. I'd rather them think it was an accident than I gave up. Honestly though, I'm ready to give up.

 

[Yorkshire91]

Welcome, you'll find plenty of support here. Whatever you decide on I wish you the best.

 

[First loss]

Hello, friend. Welcome to the community. We are more then happy to help you.

 

[JimFord99]

First thank you for this site. I'm new and to have a safe place to discuss this means a lot. I've never vocalized this to anyone and haven't even typed it until now. I don't want to live anymore. The only thing keeping me here is my family. I may be older than many on this site but I married with kids. I love them, I do but my pain to so big.

I'm afraid. Afraid of leaving them in pain, messing up my kids, leaving my wife deep in debt. I'd rather them think it was an accident than I gave up. Honestly though, I'm ready to give up.

Hey, if you beat 56 then you beat me. Hmm, luckily I have no kids, but married too, so I do understand how you feel. Life is too complicated. I saved up funds to leave behind.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Welcome..... I have a hubby I'm leaving behind.... I so get it.... there is a lot of support here.....

 

[JimFord99]

This is probably one of the hardest decision to make, but it has to be made.

 

[Rachel74]

Welcome to SS x

 

[Blackjack]

First thank you for this site. I'm new and to have a safe place to discuss this means a lot. I've never vocalized this to anyone and haven't even typed it until now. I don't want to live anymore. The only thing keeping me here is my family. I may be older than many on this site but I married with kids. I love them, I do but my pain to so big.

I'm afraid. Afraid of leaving them in pain, messing up my kids, leaving my wife deep in debt. I'd rather them think it was an accident than I gave up. Honestly though, I'm ready to give up.

You're not alone in being older with kids & afraid of messing them up. This is a safe space.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

So what is it that you want to take this route? You don't have to share. Best wishes.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. Yes the people that we leave behind are our biggest concern. I don't really have that much family. I got sick at a young age with the highest ranking pain condition in medical history so I wasn't able to be in a relationship or have kids. So I can't imagine that pressure you are facing. I don't want you to answer if you don't want to but why do you want to end it?

 

[ConfusedandDazed]

So what is it that you want to take this route? You don't have to share. Best wishes.

Good question. It feels like a long string of failures that makes you feel like no matter how hard you try or want something it just doesn't work out. I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy or to find joy in something. There are days where I feel like my life insurance is more valuable to my family than I am. At least I can give them that?

 

[TiredOfLife95]

Welcome to us!

 

[ConfusedandDazed]

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. Yes the people that we leave behind are our biggest concern. I don't really have that much family. I got sick at a young age with the highest ranking pain condition in medical history so I wasn't able to be in a relationship or have kids. So I can't imagine that pressure you are facing. I don't want you to answer if you don't want to but why do you want to end it?

Good question, I'll give the same answer i posted on another question. It feels like a long string of failures that makes you feel like no matter how hard you try or want something it just doesn't work out. I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy or to find joy in something. There are days where I feel like my life insurance is more valuable to my family than I am. At least I can give them that? That feels like a cop out answer but it's the honest one. I'm not giving my wife and kids the husband and dad they need, failing at work, failing with finances. It just feels like it is going to be like this forever.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Good question, I'll give the same answer i posted on another question. It feels like a long string of failures that makes you feel like no matter how hard you try or want something it just doesn't work out. I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy or to find joy in something. There are days where I feel like my life insurance is more valuable to my family than I am. At least I can give them that? That feels like a cop out answer but it's the honest one. I'm not giving my wife and kids the husband and dad they need, failing at work, failing with finances. It just feels like it is going to be like this forever.

I'm so very sorry. I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy as well. I've forgotten what it feels like to not be in physical pain because I've been in it for 14 years. I've just had it with life. When we were kids we never had any idea what was ahead for us did we...we are good people who have had awful things happen to us and all we want to do is be happy. Is that too much to ask in life? For happiness and health? I know no one's life is perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than ours are. They aren't thinking about the best way to end their lives right now. It hurts me that your family doesn't care about your pain. Mine doesn't either. During these 14 years my father and grandmother died. My dad was an alcoholic and wasn't very sympathetic so I never went to him with my problems. I'd cry in front of my mom and he'd accuse me of making it up since I didn't cry in front of him. Well because he was such an ass and drunk a lot why would I want to cry in front of him? He was a fun drunk with everyone else but an angry one to me and my mother. I hate saying this but I'm glad he's gone. He would just be making things ten times worse. The two people I love and would give my life for are my mom and my grandfather. My grandfather was the man who was up with me during the middle of the night when I was in the hospital. He was the one that would rock me to sleep at night with my mom and grandmother. We all lived in the same building. He has sacrificed everything for me. But the rest of my family has kind of forgotten about me. You know out of sight out of mind. My uncle actually banned me from his life. I hope you were able to find some peace. I really do. If you ever want to talk just keep messaging me.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

Good question. It feels like a long string of failures that makes you feel like no matter how hard you try or want something it just doesn't work out. I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy or to find joy in something. There are days where I feel like my life insurance is more valuable to my family than I am. At least I can give them that?

Quoting what you wrote, "Afraid of leaving them in pain, messing up my kids, leaving my wife deep in debt.". Sir, I can't persuade or dissuade you from doing anything but if you want to talk feel free to message.

 

[Elias]

As they said during the a.s.h era, sorry you're there. I hope your find your peace and a bit of comfort here.