New research shows nearly 70% of veterinarians have lost a colleague or peer to suicide

[hockeymum9999]

You are very much needed due to the current shortage of vets. I hope you will take care of your mental health through regular appointments with a good therapist, and if needed, a good psychiatrist for meds - assuming that care is available to you. *hugs*

Edit: I just reread your post and the "why I am back posting" part. If being a vet is making you feel suicidal, perhaps it is not for you and you should explore other job options? And if you feel that being a vet is really your only option right now that will pay the bills, then at the very least, you definitely should be seeing a *good* psychiatrist to find the right anti-depressant prescription for your physiology.

I know you may be trying to help; but please don't tell me what I should be doing or meds I should be taking. I joined this site so I would not be judged, regardless of my job. Being a vet is something I do - it is not who I am. This forum is meant to be a safe place to be able to share our struggles and if some choose to ctb, I support them because I do not know what their situation is. I know this is something that I will battle the rest of my life and it is comforting to know there is a place that I can talk freely about these feelings without being shamed for having them.

damn if only someone pushed me into becoming a vet and i didn't end up a useless hikikomori

No one pushed me into being a vet and I have struggled a lot over the years with this job. I have some learning challenges that had caught up with me and I chose to leave the profession or I should say I was forced to do so. I went into a year long depression where I hardly got out of bed and barely took care of my 3 young children. I was given a second chance at being a vet at a much more supportive clinic; however, there are many days that I leave in tears because I either feel stupid that I can't remember shit that I used to know or from stress dealing with difficult clients or staff. It took me a long time to realize that being a vet is my job and it doesn't define who I am. During those 11 years away from practice, I had a mish mash of odd jobs including cleaning houses and teaching online. Everyday I try to keep a positive attitude and know that I am human and I will make mistakes - lots of them. It takes a lot of mental energy to maintain this attitude and I can only do so since my kids are older and don't depend on me nearly as much. I try to take one day at a time - and sometimes one minute at a time - and try to be have compassion for myself - easier said than done at times. This site is a wonderful place because everyone is battling these thoughts - you are not alone.

that doesn't surprise me at all; my sister is a vet and she has a lot of really bad days where she has to put animals down and give bad news to their owners and deal with really shitty clients. they get paid a ton of money but I personally could never deal with how much stress that job has

I would love to know which clinic they work at as that is not the case in my situation. I never leave on time as I am usually typing up case notes for an hour after my shift has ended and usually work right through lunch. Today I was only scheduled for an 8 hour shift including a 1 hour scheduled lunch break. I worked straight through it and still ended up putting in 10 hours and 10 minutes with 2 bathroom breaks.

 

[cosifantutti]

I believe vets have tremendous pressure in their job. But lots of people face pressure. If I'd had access to the drugs they use I would have killed myself several times over.

 

[Gonnerr]

I guess this is so tempting when you are a vet and have N on hand. I would already be gone.