Hey everyone,
I'm new to this forum but thought I'd check in and write a little about my story. I'm in the process of writing letters to family and friends, and I've been doing a lot of writing in general to help me process my feelings and the details of my method.
I've decided to ctb by inhaling nitrogen; I've sourced all the necessary materials and just need to pick up the tank (in about a week) and get everything delivered. The date I wanted originally was Nov 1st, but I think that more likely it will be during the week after or the next weekend. Regardless it feels like the right time.
Since I was a pre-teen, I've had intermittent bouts of suicidal ideation, normally accompanied by some compelling current event or story. In the past failing a math test drove me toward an attempt, reading No Longer Human, and most recently Daniel Naroditsky's passing kickstarted the process of looking for a way out.
I've struggled a lot with imposter syndrome, and from a young age have had a crippling porn addiction I tried to get help for, but ultimately failed. I'm sure this plays a part in decreasing quality of life. Weirdly, I've never struggled with depression, but have always assigned little value to living. I don't have religious beliefs and don't feel like I owe anyone, even my family, my living on.
For this reason I'm sure SI will be an issue, but I'm hoping that a painless method will help alleviate some of that. If there are any general suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them.
Thanks for creating this space to share.
I'm new to this forum but thought I'd check in and write a little about my story. I'm in the process of writing letters to family and friends, and I've been doing a lot of writing in general to help me process my feelings and the details of my method.
I've decided to ctb by inhaling nitrogen; I've sourced all the necessary materials and just need to pick up the tank (in about a week) and get everything delivered. The date I wanted originally was Nov 1st, but I think that more likely it will be during the week after or the next weekend. Regardless it feels like the right time.
Since I was a pre-teen, I've had intermittent bouts of suicidal ideation, normally accompanied by some compelling current event or story. In the past failing a math test drove me toward an attempt, reading No Longer Human, and most recently Daniel Naroditsky's passing kickstarted the process of looking for a way out.
I've struggled a lot with imposter syndrome, and from a young age have had a crippling porn addiction I tried to get help for, but ultimately failed. I'm sure this plays a part in decreasing quality of life. Weirdly, I've never struggled with depression, but have always assigned little value to living. I don't have religious beliefs and don't feel like I owe anyone, even my family, my living on.
For this reason I'm sure SI will be an issue, but I'm hoping that a painless method will help alleviate some of that. If there are any general suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them.
Thanks for creating this space to share.
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