Story New Here- SI or Ambivalence

[hiddenbpd]

Hi Everyone,
Took me forever to find this forum thanks to Google . I read about sites like this in the news, and I finally found one!
Anyway, I've been lurking here for the last 2 days reading about different attempts, experiences, plans and methods, and I can say this forum has helped me tremendously, by feeling like I'm not alone, but also giving me invaluable ideas. I think I know what I'd do now. My only problem is getting the courage to put my plan into action. I chicken out and I don't know if it's genuine desire to live, or SI kicking in? I want peace, and this world doesn't seem to contain it.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Welcome. There's a lot of information contained within the pages here. It sounds like you already started, but I'd do a lot of reading, as much as you can, and when/if the time comes, it will help you make an informed decision as to what is the best course of action for you. Because it is all about you and what is best for you. I have no idea whether you have desire to live, or if your SI is kicking in, maybe a little of both. You're going to have to do some deep reflection and get that sorted out. Dying is not easy, as I think you'll discover. Living isn't any easier. It's not about chickening out, either. It's what is best for you. Only you can decide that. We all arrived at this point in our lives on different pathways. The pathway to healing, however you want to define that, is going to be as different to you as it is for anyone else. I guess in the end it comes down to whether your will to live, and reasons to live, outweigh your reasons not to. I think one of the hardest things to do is getting to an honest answer on that. Good luck on your journey.

PS: Post more and stay active for a few days and more features of the website will become available to you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that only you know if it's time for you to leave this world, it's a feeling that you have, but of course suicide can be difficult as even know we want to leave, we are programmed to survive and this can potentially lead to our suffering being prolonged.

I agree that there is no such thing as peace in a life like this, as with all of the endless misery and despair how could it ever exist in this world. Such a thing as peace could only exist in the absence of everything and to me this will always be ideal. I've always found the thought of death to be comforting and I envy those who leave. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[hiddenbpd]

Welcome. There's a lot of information contained within the pages here. It sounds like you already started, but I'd do a lot of reading, as much as you can, and when/if the time comes, it will help you make an informed decision as to what is the best course of action for you. Because it is all about you and what is best for you. I have no idea whether you have desire to live, or if your SI is kicking in, maybe a little of both. You're going to have to do some deep reflection and get that sorted out. Dying is not easy, as I think you'll discover. Living isn't any easier. It's not about chickening out, either. It's what is best for you. Only you can decide that. We all arrived at this point in our lives on different pathways. The pathway to healing, however you want to define that, is going to be as different to you as it is for anyone else. I guess in the end it comes down to whether your will to live, and reasons to live, outweigh your reasons not to. I think one of the hardest things to do is getting to an honest answer on that. Good luck on your journey.

PS: Post more and stay active for a few days and more features of the website will become available to you.

Thank you for your warm welcome and your input, it means a lot. It's nice to have a place to post where I can be accepted, because sometimes you just need to go through these thought processes with a bit of help, but it's such a taboo topic to those who don't experience it. I've posted somewhere previously and kept having my posts taken down which is frustrating in itself.

 

[Obliviate]

Welcome. I was also so relieved to have found this place as people here from all over share the same beliefs and we help each other out to obtain peace without the annoying prolifers who want to cause us misery. It reminds me that we're not alone in feeling like this. SI is something we all struggle with immensely. Ultimately it can be difficult to take that last action. Alot of people have succeeded and we all wished them a peaceful exit from the burdens of this world.

 

[hiddenbpd]

Welcome. I was also so relieved to have found this place as people here from all over share the same beliefs and we help each other out to obtain peace without the annoying prolifers who want to cause us misery. It reminds me that we're not alone in feeling like this. SI is something we all struggle with immensely. Ultimately it can be difficult to take that last action. Alot of people have succeeded and we all wished them a peaceful exit from the burdens of this world.

Yeah, I haven't been here very long, but I certainly like how supportive people are, no matter what your view/opinion is. If people can find this website, chances are they already have some form of an idea in their head already. It's nice to explore it here without fear.