new here + my story + my method

[losteverthing]

hello everyone i'm new here !
i'm 34 years old
the last 7 years my life have been total nightmare, every second every minute i feel like i'm being burned inside !
i've lost everything i've had, that including my wife, all of my money, my health (both mental and physical, which i think the mental contributed to the physical of course), i have no family and friends at all, i didn't get out of the house for the last 7 years (except for medical exams, doctors, and buying some food from the supermarket.
the all world is stranger to me...
the depression, the anxiety, the stress, the fact that i've lost everything that i've ever had and everything that i've ever wanted is killing me inside !!!!!!
i'm crying everyday nonstop !
though i'm still trying to save my life and get out of this mess and achieve my dream (which is my wife back and my money back of course)
it's been like this for 7 years
i'm giving myself 2-3 months to get out of this,
if not then i get this over.
my method (after almost a year of research) is :
get dehydrated + almost no eating at all, in order to get my heart weak as possible
then i will take caffeine powder (more then 30g, i'm around 70kg) i have meto of course
which i will take the day that it's over (i'll take around 3 pills of 10mg) all of this in order to
cause myself ventricular fibrillation which will lead to cardiac arrest and end this hell.
but i still hope and pray to god that this day will never come, and that i will get out of this and achieve my dream !
i'm doing everything i can !
but in in case i fail, then i have a plan to end this awful nightmare.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is hell and can be so cruel to us, nobody deserves to go through that. I hope things get better for you.

 

[whywere]

HELLO and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide, our new global family member!!! You have found the most awesome people on the planet. Everyone here is the most caring and loving folks one could ever hope to have the pleasure of meeting, now also put in lots of understanding, kindness, empathy and support and, WOW!, one has found their home with all of the global family supporting each other. Again, WELCOME!!!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)
HI! After reading your post, I was crying for you. Nobody deserves that kind of life and NOW with all of us here, you might have a great chance to find hope, love and the knowledge that YOU are part of our global family now. Quick background on me, I am 65 years young, my "parents" did NOT want me from the get go and called me "the mistake" to my face and in public. I have had 2 attempts, last one got me locked up for awhile and then I found this website. YOU are a VERY valuable global family member and I send you lots of hugs, smile, love and a up coming weekend filled with beautiful blue sunny skies! Walter

 

[WornOutLife]

I hope you can get better and make your dream come true!!!
I know how hellish life can be but as long as you fight, the chances of moving on are higher than zero!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[losteverthing]

I hope you can get better and make your dream come true!!!
I know how hellish life can be but as long as you're fight, the chances of moving on are higher than zero!

Hugs,

Matt

true !
i'm giving everything !
i have nothing to lose !
and if i do fail then i will have to ctb, but i hope that day will never happen...
thank you !

 

[losteverthing]

I hope you can get better and make your dream come true!!!
I know how hellish life can be but as long as you fight, the chances of moving on are higher than zero!

Hugs,

Matt

is it alright if i send you a pm ?

 

[WornOutLife]

is it alright if i send you a pm ?

Of course it is!!!
Pm me whenever you want!!

 

[ElizabethsFault]

hello everyone i'm new here !
i'm 34 years old
the last 7 years my life have been total nightmare, every second every minute i feel like i'm being burned inside !
i've lost everything i've had, that including my wife, all of my money, my health (both mental and physical, which i think the mental contributed to the physical of course), i have no family and friends at all, i didn't get out of the house for the last 7 years (except for medical exams, doctors, and buying some food from the supermarket.
the all world is stranger to me...
the depression, the anxiety, the stress, the fact that i've lost everything that i've ever had and everything that i've ever wanted is killing me inside !!!!!!
i'm crying everyday nonstop !
though i'm still trying to save my life and get out of this mess and achieve my dream (which is my wife back and my money back of course)
it's been like this for 7 years
i'm giving myself 2-3 months to get out of this,
if not then i get this over.
my method (after almost a year of research) is :
get dehydrated + almost no eating at all, in order to get my heart weak as possible
then i will take caffeine powder (more then 30g, i'm around 70kg) i have meto of course
which i will take the day that it's over (i'll take around 3 pills of 10mg) all of this in order to
cause myself ventricular fibrillation which will lead to cardiac arrest and end this hell.
but i still hope and pray to god that this day will never come, and that i will get out of this and achieve my dream !
i'm doing everything i can !
but in in case i fail, then i have a plan to end this awful nightmare.

It's nice to read you're trying everything you can to prevent your CTB plan. Hope you can achieve a full recovery!