i have pretty constant flashbacks of the past 2 years.
some highlights include being arrested and strapped to a hospital gurney locked in a room with someone else screaming.
being invited places as a joke. having people be your friend as a joke. having people fuck you as a joke.
someone taking advantage of your vulnerable state and almost gaslighting you into filing for disability due to the depression being caused to you so they could be your "caretaker".
i dont like to be told i have mental illnesses anymore after this.
before it felt like a way to explain the way i felt.
now it feels like a label that can be used against me, or discredits the validity of everything ive been through.
"youre bipolar, youre overreacting, youre this, youre that"
im going through a lot of painful bullshit.
i cut myself because it makes me feel in control over the pain that i feel.
it's awkward to deal with the evidence at work because i do it right on my forearm like its for attention.
its not. its just what feels right, and fuck if i dont deserve to do something that feels right for once without being critiqued.
i dont want to kill myself because it feels like its what everybody wants and i dont want to give them the satisfaction,
but its going to get lonely fast.
anyway, what are you guys up to?
some highlights include being arrested and strapped to a hospital gurney locked in a room with someone else screaming.
being invited places as a joke. having people be your friend as a joke. having people fuck you as a joke.
someone taking advantage of your vulnerable state and almost gaslighting you into filing for disability due to the depression being caused to you so they could be your "caretaker".
i dont like to be told i have mental illnesses anymore after this.
before it felt like a way to explain the way i felt.
now it feels like a label that can be used against me, or discredits the validity of everything ive been through.
"youre bipolar, youre overreacting, youre this, youre that"
im going through a lot of painful bullshit.
i cut myself because it makes me feel in control over the pain that i feel.
it's awkward to deal with the evidence at work because i do it right on my forearm like its for attention.
its not. its just what feels right, and fuck if i dont deserve to do something that feels right for once without being critiqued.
i dont want to kill myself because it feels like its what everybody wants and i dont want to give them the satisfaction,
but its going to get lonely fast.
anyway, what are you guys up to?
