Pisceslilith
Student
- Aug 19, 2019
- 159
I never thought I would ever feel this way ever again but I actually want to live. I still have my moments where I am fucking irritated and it all seems much easier to end it than live but I am giving myself a second shot. I genuinely believe I deserve to be here just like everyone else, but I am only living under one condition and that is to live for myself, all these years it was always about everyone else, everyone else's feelings. I had to push away my mental health issues to cater to everyone else's needs including abusers but fuck that shit. Although I love my mom dearly, I want to only live for myself, i personally feel like everyone should feel the same way if they want to live also, to me living for others isn't cutting it and it's not enough. I should want to live because I genuinely want to be here not because everyone else's feelings. All the shit I've been through and put up with I am entitled to a way better life, I deserve a better life. I realized it's not about everyones discomfort , it's about my mental health, safety and comfort. I should be putting my mental health above everything else including relationships with others. I deserve to live life however the fuck I want to, I deserve to do whatever the fuck I want and whatever I feel comfortable doing. I should live my life for me and only me. I really thought I was done and that this was it, I've written so many notes preparing to die these past couple of months but somethings telling me to keep pushing, I don't know what it is but I'm just gonna keep going.
