Never the first choice

[HappyForever?]

Whether in friendships or romantic relationships, people never regard me as their first choice. I wonder why this happens and how I can improve the situation.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Whether in friendships or romantic relationships, people never regard me as their first choice. I wonder why this happens and how I can improve the situation.

I feel like this so much I don't even try.

 

[ClownMe]

I feel that, I always seem to end up as the third wheel in all of my friendships.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

I'm sorry, I can imagine that would make you feel lonely and frustrated or even alienated. I think there could be various reasons for that, one being that you just weren't "lucky" yet. But over all most people are quite shallow, so it could also be anything from looks to certain behaviours.
But some of us are also just a little too weird/different for most people to want a close relationship with. There probably is someone out there for whom you would be their first choice, it's just difficult to find them.

I can only recommend being nice, generally trying to be a good friend/potential partner and having patience. Relationships take time to develop. One doesn't become an important aspect of someone else's life over night.
And until then try to be your own first choice. Try to be content and at peace with/by yourself.

Wishing you the best,​

 

[whatevs]

Lack of confidence resulting in worse performance in all areas, including sense of humor. Off-putting physical appearance and clothing. Perhaps some neurodivergency in the form of autism and uncommon interests and opinions that people don't share or understand.

 

[HappyForever?]

Lack of confidence resulting in worse performance in all areas, including sense of humor. Off-putting physical appearance and clothing. Perhaps some neurodivergency in the form of autism and uncommon interests and opinions that people don't share or understand.

I check almost all these boxes. Maybe it's time to reevaluate my life choices and make necessary changes. Do you have any idea how to improve my situation?

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe it is the other people who are the problem, I see people as being very disappointing overall. I cannot stand people and I see it as best to just stay away. I wish you the best.

 

[whatevs]

I check almost all these boxes. Maybe it's time to reevaluate my life choices and make necessary changes. Do you have any idea how to improve my situation?

Since I have utterly failed at two of these checkboxes, I can offer advice for the remaining one.

If you have energy, start working out. You don't need to become chiseled, but just not fat, and firm enough.
The hair is important, have a look at how handsome celebrities and actors style it and copy the ones you like the most.
Clothing isn't hard once your body is somewhat appealing, just try clothes from popular brands in front of the mirror and buy those that make you look good.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think this is the reality for many of us. I'm not bad looking, certainly for my age, but there always seemed to be boyband-looking dudes over the course of my life who were #1.

I'd agree with some of the other advice - sculpting your body a bit, wearing mature clothes that fit you well, experimenting with (short and neat) facial hair. It's not too hard to go from a 5 to a 7 if you take the time to work at it.

 

[S like suicide]

Whether in friendships or romantic relationships, people never regard me as their first choice. I wonder why this happens and how I can improve the situation.

Yes...same for me,i'm never enought interesting...always felt like i'm worthless,never been the first choice of someone...i can't wait to eliminate myself since i strongly belive my existence is totally insignificant