never consistent

[megafire]

Some days I am in the deepest depression (like last week, for instance), wanting nothing but to escape the vicious cycle that is my life. I know how, where, and why, and a general timeframe. After a few days of that, one morning I wake up (and don't immediately regret doing so- which is different) and it's a beautiful sun-shiney day, and the only thing I can think about is how excited I am to drink some coffee. It's so sudden, literally night and day.
That's not to say that the suicidal thoughts are completely out of the picture- they just move from the front of my brain to the back. It's still stewing, but not bubbling over. What the hell?? it's so damn confusing.

 

[fox21132113]

I know exactly how you feel. When all is well, I wonder where did the depression go, this is odd, I know it's somewhere around here. Or bam!!! Out of no where, I just cry. No reason, just crying and the cycle goes on.

 

[timf]

You may want to keep a diary. A cyclical process may have environmental or even nutritional influences. If it is biological, you may wish to experiment with supplements or even medications.

The fact that you have good days is encouraging. The key is to discover how to sustain and expand them.

 

[Sensei]

I'm no psychologist or psychiatrist, but it sounds like cyclothymia.