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TheHatedOne

TheHatedOne

Death is salvation
Sep 26, 2021
2,028
my place belongs there within darkness and shadows and silence, all I ever deserve is to suffer and shut up at the unjustice done to me. my suffering doesn't matter, anyone is allowed to trample over it, it's fine, i'll be gone soon and then everyone can celebrate and party if everyone wants it. It's a win-win sitaution anyway cause I'll get it rid of this cruel world, which is cruel any fucking where. I'm sorry for spamming and apparently doing ''10 posts a day about my hellish existence'' , I just want to vent away the few days I have left.
 
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rationaltake

rationaltake

I'm rocking it - in another universe
Sep 28, 2021
2,707
One of the purposes of SaSu is to provide a place to vent. Please don't rush into anything. I understand suffering.
 
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cambrai33

cambrai33

Traveller
Nov 3, 2021
386
my place belongs there within darkness and shadows and silence, all I ever deserve is to suffer and shut up at the unjustice done to me. my suffering doesn't matter, anyone is allowed to trample over it, it's fine, i'll be gone soon and then everyone can celebrate and party if everyone wants it. It's a win-win sitaution anyway cause I'll get it rid of this cruel world, which is cruel any fucking where. I'm sorry for spamming and apparently doing ''10 posts a day about my hellish existence'' , I just want to vent away the few days I have left.
Only you can decide where your place is, not anybody on here or in real life.

This is a great place to vent but you might not like some of the responses but that is the nature of things.

Now you can take this in any which way you want but my advice is to log out and borrow someone's dog for a few days, animals are the only thing I can accept love from so I hope it can be the same for you, once you accept it from even a dog then perhaps you might start to love yourself a little but there are no guarantees of course.

I don't know your personal situation apart from what you post but I can see you are desperately unhappy so please if you can take a couple of days out and find something or someone you can love or at least be close to, I find dogs do that for me, they don't judge you, they don't expect anything from you they just want to be with you.

I hope you can get out of this self hatred but to be honest you need to make the effort and just give something a try. My only other point is that an emotional ctb that is rushed and full of self hatred and angst doesn't seem right to me so please give yourself a break and hopefully some doggy will gets a good few long walks and cuddles

Best of luck but it's not all luck, you need to make your own chances sometimes
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,271
It really is a cruel world. I am also looking forward to being free from it. Being alive is so horrible. I'm sorry you are in so much pain, no one should have to suffer like that. I hope you find peace.
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
1,474
I'm sorry that you have been bullied. Bullying is wrong and often mentally taxing. I have blocked lots of people on here for several reasons. Some because they bullied me, some because we had different views even though they were nice, one because they didn't like dogs, some because I had a bad day. One person was nice but I hated their avatar so I blocked them. I have even blocked users who have never interacted with me.

You can always block any person for any reason. And you can always later unblock them. You don't deserve to get bullied. If you ever need to talk or vent, you can always send me a chat message.
 
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cambrai33

cambrai33

Traveller
Nov 3, 2021
386
I'm sorry that you have been bullied. Bullying is wrong and often mentally taxing. I have blocked lots of people on here for several reasons. Some because they bullied me, some because we had different views even though they were nice, one because they didn't like dogs, some because I had a bad day. One person was nice but I hated their avatar so I blocked them. I have even blocked users who have never interacted with me.

You can always block any person for any reason. And you can always later unblock them. You don't deserve to get bullied. If you ever need to talk or vent, you can always send me a chat message.
Seriously not liking dogs would be perfectly legitimate reason to block for me too. You can tell a lot about a person on how they treat animals
 
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TheHatedOne

TheHatedOne

Death is salvation
Sep 26, 2021
2,028
I'm sorry that you have been bullied. Bullying is wrong and often mentally taxing. I have blocked lots of people on here for several reasons. Some because they bullied me, some because we had different views even though they were nice, one because they didn't like dogs, some because I had a bad day. One person was nice but I hated their avatar so I blocked them. I have even blocked users who have never interacted with me.

You can always block any person for any reason. And you can always later unblock them. You don't deserve to get bullied. If you ever need to talk or vent, you can always send me a chat message.
thank you Manaaja, you are among the few people on here who are very kind and genuine and I appreciate it.
 
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Hans Voralberg

Hans Voralberg

Experienced
Nov 6, 2021
229
I will be very sad if you CTB many other people at this place too. I'm 100% sure of this.
Your feelings matter. I read near all your recent posts since I got to this place. I saw this spiral of pain in your life.
No one has a right to harm you. Did you talk to someone about bulling if not talk to your parents for example. You forgot that you are unique and very empathetic person. I'm here to remember this to you. We talked few moments earlier about your new university. Maybe you will find a place were you will have a better conection with people. Bulling isn't something constant. My high school was heaven when middle school was pure hell and emotional agony. You still have a chance to improve this part of your life. This won't be win- win situation for anyone if you CTB. No one gain nothing on your death. I respect your choice of ending pain by CTB but you have another way, we talked about it you still have options. You can PM me anytime to vent. You can write me anything I always write back. I'm here for you your feelings aren't spam.
 
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less than

less than

not important
Jul 25, 2019
194
It saddens me that this place has also changed and is no longer a safe place for vulnerable people. (okay, to be fair, it's not new that here are also bad apples and that no one should be trusted here either). But I see now that values like humanity and understanding are dwindling here too. Where else, if not here, can someone express their feelings about the taboo subjects of depression, anxiety, fear of life and death, etc., without being judged for it?
Feel free to vent (even ten times a day) and at best you will find someone who relates or validates.
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
1,474
Seriously not liking dogs would be perfectly legitimate reason to block for me too. You can tell a lot about a person on how they treat animals
Very true!

I have disabilities and I need a dog to be my support. I had a huge fear of walking alone until I got a dog. It was also much easier for me to talk to people when I was with my dog. I managed to meet lots of new people only because I had a dog. I live in a country where people are really introverted, but the second they see you have a dog they come to talk to you. And the other way. It's easier to talk to a person when they have a dog because you can use the "Wow, your dog is so cute! What breed it is?" tactic and people often love talking about their dogs.

I also went to agility and obedience courses with my dog, so she gave me new hobbies so I didn't just sit inside playing video games all day.

I'm lonely, so my dog gave me much needed company and friendship. She was the one that made sure that I go to 1 hour walk every day instead of rotting in bed. She was the one that taught me responsibility and caring for others and maturity because I had to brush her fur, brush her teeth, cut her nails, take her on walks, give her food and water.

She taught me to be a better, more social, more mature and caring person.

Dogs are also great for blind people. I know a blind person and she has always had dogs that help her live an independent life. There are also dogs for deaf people, the dogs will come and put their paw on the person's knee to signal that their phone is ringing or someone is ringing the door bell. There are also dogs that can smell cancer, detect heart attacks, etc.

In my country we had a "Hero dogs" awards, and every year they award about 10-20 dogs that have saved human lives. There are a few professional dogs like police dogs, but most of them are normal dogs who found an old person lying in snow or smelled a fire in the barnyard or started barking and jumping on their owner's chest in the middle of the night when they got a heart attack etc.

And that one poster said something like "Humans shouldn't have dogs. They are wild animals like wolves and bears and belong to the forest."

My dog couldn't have survived one month alone in wilderness. And I can't survive without my dog. After my dog's death my suicidal feelings increased a lot. So I will just automatically block any who don't like dogs.
 
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less than

less than

not important
Jul 25, 2019
194
Bullying is not "little things". It is sad that it happens and worst of all that it happens here.
 
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Hans Voralberg

Hans Voralberg

Experienced
Nov 6, 2021
229
You are not pathetic it's natural instinct to run if we can't fight and overcome factor that gives us pain. CTB is ultimate run, ultimate escape. Fear of pain isn't pathetic it is primal. This animal full of pain lives in evryone. My was screaming for years inside my head driving me near to madness. This what you feel know this feeling of living in the shadows, belonging to darkness and emptiness is probably suicidal narrowing in terms of psychology.It's a long but TEMPORARY state when psyche is preparing for suicide by reducing ability to see any positive paterns and ways in current situation and future. Your brain is literally trying to trick you that nothing ever can be improved and you are beyond repair, return point to help you suicide but it's your's brain bullshit and not objective truth. Our perception is just chemicals and electric impulses which are very subjective as a final result remember of that. I felt that too when I nearly CTB and it was horror but it wasn't forever
 
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meetapple

meetapple

Mage
Jun 3, 2021
585
It is o
It is natural to feel that something is wrong with you when you get treated by the outside world harshly. It is sometimes hard to understand that it is not your fault. Your self esteem is probably low because of your parents. You should take pride that you have gone to university and put so much effort into it.

Continue to vent here as other people have promised to listen to you when you need to.
 
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N

Not Sure

Member
Oct 27, 2021
37
When was the original planning, if you don't mind?

Also your own thoughts do matter to you, especially if you are your worse enemy.
 
TheHatedOne

TheHatedOne

Death is salvation
Sep 26, 2021
2,028
When was the original planning, if you don't mind?

Also your own thoughts do matter to you, especially if you are your worse enemy.
my plannning was by spring 2022, but even back then could have been uncertain cause there were, objectively speaking, chances for my financial and education situatuons to improve. but now im i cant let even let time go on, i need to do it right away. im an animal in full pain before its last moments and im not even given the chance to have peaceful times before i go apparently. i dont even deserve that i think.
 
N

Not Sure

Member
Oct 27, 2021
37
my plannning was by spring 2022, but even back then could have been uncertain cause there were, objectively speaking, chances for my financial and education situatuons to improve. but now im i cant let even let time go on, i need to do it right away. im an animal in full pain before its last moments and im not even given the chance to have peaceful times before i go apparently. i dont even deserve that i think.
I don't get it, someone is bullying you constantly and that's why you wanna ctb faster? Plm
 
TheHatedOne

TheHatedOne

Death is salvation
Sep 26, 2021
2,028
Me too.

I don't get it, someone is bullying you constantly and that's why you wanna ctb faster? Plm
Plm???? Wait a bit, are you from where am I from too :DDD???

yes, believe it or not. i'm a hypersensitive person and it really affected me. since yesterday i started to experience constant shakings. this combined with my uni struggle were the last straw.
 
N

Not Sure

Member
Oct 27, 2021
37
Plm???? Wait a bit, are you from where am I from too :DDD???

yes, believe it or not. i'm a hypersensitive person and it really affected me. since yesterday i started to experience constant shakings. this combined with my uni struggle were the last straw.
Yes, I am also from Absurdistan. Doesn't seem like a big enough reason to ctb to me, but hell, I can remember worse. PM me, we are not doing the native language dance in public.
 
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TheHatedOne

TheHatedOne

Death is salvation
Sep 26, 2021
2,028
Yes, I am also from Absurdistan. Doesn't seem like a big enough reason to ctb to me, but hell, I can remember worse. PM me, we are not doing the native language dance in public.
Will do.
 
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