Help Need help with method choice. (Venting included)

[R12192]

My family doesn't take me seriously when I tell them I'm suicidal. My sister often gaslights me about my trauma and invalidates me. All of this has been going on for nearly 3 years.
In the past, I used to be suicidal every single day of my life. It was agonizing and torturous pain, but nowadays, my suicidal thoughts only emerge when faced with a minor inconvenience.

I thought to myself, "What am I going to do when I'm faced with a big situation?", and I've come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do, death will always be inevitable. It might be better to take my life before something really bad happens in my life. I don't want to face the emotional stress of said problem, and die stressed.

Even if I get past future bad situations, I will always be empty. I see my life as a loop, nothing more. I can't seem to experience happiness the same way others do. The only thing keeping me alive is my SI, nothing more.

I've tried to sum up my situation as best as I could, while trying not to make this post all about my situation at the same time.

I want to attempt, so that if I wake up in a hospital room, my family can finally see just how much I'm struggling. I don't mind just.. dying either. I'm okay with both outcomes.

If I were to wake up, I don't want there to be too many weird medical procedures done on me. It seems stupid and ridiculous, I know. I don't know how to explain it.

I have no access to anything lethal. The only lethal thing I have access to is a dirty knife. Jumping would be the most preferable method for me, but I don't exactly have easy access to high buildings too. I don't have any guns or anything. Even if I were to clean the knife, slitting my wrists or stabbing myself would be the least preferable option. I feel trapped. I understand and know I'm a coward but I can't help it. Please suggest some methods I can use.

 

[Dot]

Srry tht u r strugglng bt membrs r nt allowd t/ sggest methds fr u - u wll nd 2 d/ ur own rsearch

"Do not try to get the community to tell you what to do, only you can choose your path and actions."

 

[CocoToxBase]

Reading this I've come to an understanding that you are 50/50 with going through with suicide or severely harming yourself so your loved ones can see how much pain you are in (which is very understandable I've done it myself, you are showing your horrendous amount of pain through actions because it's so hard to talk about).

If you do want to die from jumping you'd need to be at least 50ft off the ground. If you don't want to die from jumping then I wouldn't choose jumping from any height as anything could go wrong depending on where to land and what injuries you sustain (could become paralysed for the rest of your life)

 

[R12192]

Reading this I've come to an understanding that you are 50/50 with going through with suicide or severely harming yourself so your loved ones can see how much pain you are in (which is very understandable I've done it myself, you are showing your horrendous amount of pain through actions because it's so hard to talk about).

If you do want to die from jumping you'd need to be at least 50ft off the ground. If you don't want to die from jumping then I wouldn't choose jumping from any height as anything could go wrong depending on where to land and what injuries you sustain (could become paralysed for the rest of your life)

Hey. I noticed your response was edited by a mod and I think they cut out a lot of stuff, so if you wanted to say anything else, you can just reply to me or PM me.