need advice please ?

[ever so lonely]

ok u lovely guys/gals, i need advice please because this is keeping me up at night and pushing me to ctb, ok beginning of this year, say around february i met a woman briefly from online dating, i was reckless, careless which is unusual for me, i think the pair of us were in hindsight, nobody to blame per se, she is slightly older than me, which is absolutely fine, but we hit it off, sort of, my depression makes it difficult for me to hit it off with anybody to tell the truth, but hit it off by my standards, prior to that i hadnt dated for 5 years let alone been intimate, took a long break to better myself or try to at least, anyhoo we were seeing eachother for around 6 months, on and off, never technically together or certainly never official, we slept together multiple times unprotected, and then recently the bombshell, shes pregnant, for definate, she doesnt know herself if i am the father or not, but was good enough to tell me, and level with me, and has admitted as much to me, what a mess of a situation, she was honest with me about the not knowing part and admits there was another guy in or around her conception window, as i said we were never an item per se, so cant hold it against her, though i had nobody else, but it could be me as the dates add up but admittedly that doesn't prove anything in and of itself, i am so confused scared and restless, but want to do the correct thing, just dont know what that is, the stress has added onto the anxiety n depression and ptsd i already suffer, and i just want it to end, what should i do in this situation do you think ?, i have stated in numerous occasions i will support her where i can, just frightened of being taken advantage of, but she feels it is me that has fathered the child, tho tbh i am not sure myself, sorry for the very long ass winded status here, but as you can guess it is making me morbidly wanting to ctb, this is life altering stuff i got going on here, if the child is not mine then i want no part of it, but if it is i will do my best, what do you peeps think ? what would you do in this situation ?, i have nowhere to turn for advice and even samaritans said they couldnt help recently, (there not able to give advice over the phone for fear it could be wrong advice), i feel so alone in this, thanks peoples and take care.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Have a paternity test done when the baby is born.

 

[Zegers]

what would you do in this situation ?

She says she dont know who is the father... it doesnt sounds good, i would run away

 

[lionetta12]

ok u lovely guys/gals, i need advice please because this is keeping me up at night and pushing me to ctb, ok beginning of this year, say around february i met a woman briefly from online dating, i was reckless, careless which is unusual for me, i think the pair of us were in hindsight, nobody to blame per se, she is slightly older than me, which is absolutely fine, but we hit it off, sort of, my depression makes it difficult for me to hit it off with anybody to tell the truth, but hit it off by my standards, prior to that i hadnt dated for 5 years let alone been intimate, took a long break to better myself or try to at least, anyhoo we were seeing eachother for around 6 months, on and off, never technically together or certainly never official, we slept together multiple times unprotected, and then recently the bombshell, shes pregnant, for definate, she doesnt know herself if i am the father or not, but was good enough to tell me, and level with me, and has admitted as much to me, what a mess of a situation, she was honest with me about the not knowing part and admits there was another guy in or around her conception window, as i said we were never an item per se, so cant hold it against her, though i had nobody else, but it could be me as the dates add up but admittedly that doesn't prove anything in and of itself, i am so confused scared and restless, but want to do the correct thing, just dont know what that is, the stress has added onto the anxiety n depression and ptsd i already suffer, and i just want it to end, what should i do in this situation do you think ?, i have stated in numerous occasions i will support her where i can, just frightened of being taken advantage of, but she feels it is me that has fathered the child, tho tbh i am not sure myself, sorry for the very long ass winded status here, but as you can guess it is making me morbidly wanting to ctb, this is life altering stuff i got going on here, if the child is not mine then i want no part of it, but if it is i will do my best, what do you peeps think ? what would you do in this situation ?, i have nowhere to turn for advice and even samaritans said they couldnt help recently, (there not able to give advice over the phone for fear it could be wrong advice), i feel so alone in this, thanks peoples and take care.

Paternity Testing While Pregnant: Is It Safe?

If you’re pregnant and have questions about the paternity of your growing baby, you may be wondering about your options. Here’s a look at the available tests.

www.healthline.com

Apparently 9 weeks into the pregnancy you can figure out who the dad is by taking a paternity test.

 

[ever so lonely]

thanks guys/gals i appreciate it see the thing was i was planning to ctb my sn is en route from canada or us, to the uk, i have the tracking number and everything, so i was planning to die soonies, and now i find this out very recently, which has kind of thrown a spanner in the works, which has kind of made me not know what to do, i still want to die so badly, but i think maybe it would be selfish if the kid is mine, leaving her to fend for herself and the child, i dont know, maybe see how it goes, but the sn should be arriving in a matter of days it will be nice just having it here knowing it is an option, and if the kid isnt mine then nothing to lose, i will definately ask her for a test tho, see how she reacts to it, before ctb, thanks guys and ladies for your replies i appreciate it man, that is what i love about this community, peeps give advice with no judgements which is so refreshing, unlike shitty social media

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think you need to plan on sticking around at least until you know for certain whether the kid is yours or not. Full stop.

 

[Banshee]

Wait until you find out for sure.

If it's your child it could very much change your life in a good way, whether or not you stay with her.

If it's not your child resume life as normal and do as you please.

 

[ever so lonely]

thanks peoples i will wait for that at least, take care.

 

[wljourney]

Uhm.... so that's rather a lot to take in, for sure!

Maybe I missed it in your post, but (we are after all a pro-choice forum, so I think it's fair to ask):
how far along is she and has she considered not having the baby?

I mean... she isn't certain who the father is, but still wants to carry the pregnancy to full term? Does she know how much you struggle with your illness and that it would be extremely difficult for her, you and the child to live with a parent who is emotionally not available and chronically suicidal?

I am sorry to be so blunt and direct.
My own parent(s) struggled with depression, PTSD and narcissistic traits and that is one of the major reasons for me not to have had children myself. I wouldn't want to hand that burden over to another generation.

Oh and yeah... children are ALWAYS an additional stressor. If you are already struggling with life, it is wishful thinking that a child could improve your life to the point that you overcome an existing mental illness. Sleep deprivation. Financial burden. Responsibility for another life. Babies are adorable and cute, but they can't fix everything. If they did, none of us would be here. On this site. We'd all be having babies and live in unicorn land.

 

[old red eyes]

thanks peoples i will wait for that at least, take care.

good luck.....maybe it will prove to be a really good thing !

 

[rainbowbright]

Paternity test for sure
Make sure she pays for it though

 

[actual_fox]

Have a paternity test done when the baby is born.

Yes

She says she dont know who is the father... it doesnt sounds good, i would run away

also yes
I agree with those 2.

 

[ever so lonely]

thanks again guys and gals honestly i dont believe she knows i am suicidal, we have spoken of it briefly and she said stop being so morbid and depressing, little does she know i think of it everyday why do they say that ?, dont be so depressing for some of us it is comfort lol, i will take your guys advice, thanking you, so far i mentioned it and she didnt bite my head off so this bodes well, she reacted ok about it, but in terms of the suicidal stuff i never brought it up to her, it is weird i can be open here like most of us are because it is an open and transparent community and non judgemental but telling people irl they always react poorly and negatively to merely bringing suicide talk up, maybe it reminds them of there own mortality lol, but thanks again peeps, and i think if i was to tell her that she should pay for it she would probably tell me to go f myself lol, and that is being polite lol, but like i say she didnt take it too poorly, and said whatever you wanna do for peace of mind, she did say she suspects its me but only a test will do for me, not that i dont trust her, just trust but verify ya know lol, thanks for the kind words here tho, i been having an ok ish day today, hope you guys and gals are ok too and doing better, i barely thought of suicide today but then i been video gaming for most of it, distractions seem to work best when in a depressive cycle me thinks, but am sure she isnt aware of my suicidal tendencies, i am frightened to tell people as they either have no interest or they cut you out of there lives, it is horrible