Help Need advice on my boyfriend

[SpanishLullaby]

@ScorpiusDragon please do us a favor and update us on your decision over the next couple of weeks. I'm rooting for you no matter what decision you make.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

I don't know what to add, but it was all really heartbreaking to read. And I hope you find the strength to keep fighting for a while longer.

 

[sillyusername69]

Yes he knows. I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts at one point, and he accompanied me to the hospital. He accompanies me on all my visits to the psychiatrist and he monitors me to make sure I take my meds every night. The thing is though, I don't think he really understands that meds don't automatically make me better. In his mind, I should be ok or getting better because I take my meds.

I suggest talking to your psychiatrist and letting them know that you are still feeling the same. I had bad experience with one SSRI and a great experience with another. Not saying that this is the only root cause, not at all. But if you are seeing a psychiatrist I wouldn't sell yourself short but not being fully honest.
That way your partner also has the opportunity to hear the truth, and you no longer have to feel guilty about hiding it from him. Maybe the psychiatrist can also explain to your partner how the meds work and that they don't simply "cure".

 

[sadgirl2002]

I normally don't ever speak against suicide to anyone ever as I always support them with their decision but for some reason, this moved me. Your boyfriend really loves you, he sacrificed a lot to be with you.

I understand your situation. I've been depressed since I was 13 and I also had an abusive household. Yet, the hope of finding true love and a happy marriage made me keep on going in life. It's the only thing that gave me hope for a happier future.

Unfortunately I won't be able to have that now which is why I'll probably leave soon but I can see that you have that now so I would say to keep fighting and never let that go. You have someone who truly loves you and you are blessed to have such a special thing. Hold onto it because what you have is rare.

 

[ForgottenSara]

Break=up with him, treat him miserably, make him see you as a monster.
Go away, seek a place you will never be found and just do it.
That's the only plausible way, in your situation from my point of view.
And also, that's what I'll do.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

Well, you are certainly in an incredibly difficult position. I'm sorry. Apart from the psychotherapy, what efforts do you put in trying to combat your depression? I know it takes a lot to keep fighting this but if you're so worried about your boyfriend I feel it's best to explore as many options as possible before deciding to ctb. I'm not presuming you haven't already tried every option you could I'm just saying this in case you haven't. Though I'm a hypocrite in this regard cause I wanna die and don't exactly have the intention to try every single possible thing to get better. But still I feel you should try everything if you haven't already.

What's at the heart of your depression? If you don't mind me asking

The childhood abuse I experienced is at the heart of my depression. Just to give one example, I once got an 86 on a test when I was 12. I was in the car with my mom when she found out my grade. She started screaming at me and driving really fast. She told me that if she crashed the car, it would be my fault.
This is just one of many memories. All the abuse I experienced has contributed to my social anxiety and inability to connect with people in a healthy way.

 

[Divine Trinity]

Nothing went wrong. I've just been depressed since I was 14 (at least partly because of my abusive parents). I've had suicidal thoughts for a long time, and I had a very difficult time in my workplace in China. I considered killing myself multiple times in China, and he is the only reason I didn't do it. Since I've moved back to the USA, I've made a few half-hearted attempts, and I buy supplies without having immediate plans to use them. I already bought SN and hid it in the back of my closet. The only reason I haven't drank it yet is because I know he will be devastated. I considered drinking it in the hotel to try to lessen the blow, but I know it won't take away the pain.

From an outsider's perspective I'd say talk to him about it. Keep in mind delivery is more important than the message in communication.

While he won't be able to help you in an immediate and direct manner, if he stays in support of you that bond I think will be a crutch which you can use to hopefully create more. It's a leap of faith, which you may not have but it's a chance at the closest thing worth living for. (That being said, I wouldn't recommend having kids)

 

[Arbie]

Why do people think its okay to judge someone and their situation on a site like this?
Youre supposed to help not make someone feel worse.
When did this forum turn into that kind of place? because it never used to be.
Everyone here who wants to end their life will hurt someone in the process.

We are all in pain, it's much easier to focus on and disseminate and offer advise to someone else's pain because it temporarily takes our minds off our own.
I don't think it's judging so much as it is in getting caught up in the overall tone of the thread, it's common human behavior...just some people need to think a second before hitting the post button.
You have to also remember that there are different nationalities in here and cultural social situations can be different.
But, I agree with you...some level of respect should exist.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

My boyfriend killed himself 8 months ago. His problems were fixable but he wouldn't make the effort. I have had a really rough life and can kind of understand why he would be unwilling to deal with his issues but I am so heartbroken. The thought of starting over with another man makes me want to ctb. Being with him was the only thing that made my life worth living. Love is the only thing that makes the struggle worthwhile. He didn't tell me when he was feeling depressed. He didn't give me a chance to help him. Please be honest with your boyfriend and exhaust all options before you decide to ctb. Please do not mistreat him. I think my boyfriend thought I would get over it but I am still a mess. If you can't deal with your issues or don't want to deal with your issues you need to break up with your boyfriend and give him time to move on before you ctb.

FYI, I posted earlier about an easy tool for dealing with emotional trauma. Please give this an honest effort before you make your decision: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...emotional-trauma-haunting-memories-etc.19936/

 

[Tally]

My boyfriend killed himself 8 months ago. His problems were fixable but he wouldn't make the effort. I have had a really rough life and can kind of understand why he would be unwilling to deal with his issues but I am so heartbroken. The thought of starting over with another man makes me want to ctb. Being with him was the only thing that made my life worth living. Love is the only thing that makes the struggle worthwhile. He didn't tell me when he was feeling depressed. He didn't give me a chance to help him. Please be honest with your boyfriend and exhaust all options before you decide to ctb. Please do not mistreat him. I think my boyfriend thought I would get over it but I am still a mess. If you can't deal with your issues or don't want to deal with your issues you need to break up with your boyfriend and give him time to move on before you ctb.

FYI, I posted earlier about an easy tool for dealing with emotional trauma. Please give this an honest effort before you make your decision: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...emotional-trauma-haunting-memories-etc.19936/

Given all that has gone on here, I'm now very distrusting on this site. I'm sorry for your feelings if they are true, but I feel now, one has to have the caveat "if they are true". Nothing on this site is now believable unfortunately. Why I would question you, is that you say you want to CTB, but as a new member are posting an "easy tool for emotional trauma". There is no such thing. Additionally you say that your boyfriends problems were fixable. How can anyone who is suicidal, say that someone else's problems were "fixable"?

 

[Avicii]

I really want to die. I've lost all fear of the idea of dying. Yea, there is the physical pain, but at this point, I just want it to be over.
The only reason I have any hesitation is my boyfriend. We've been together for almost 3 years. We met in China (I briefly worked in China before coming back to the States). He is a native Chinese, and he gave up his job and stable life just to move to the USA for me.
He invested so much on the move from China to the US (time, money, etc). He has no family in the US, and he spoke very little English when he first met me. We live together in NY, and he takes language classes and computer science classes everyday. He wants to improve his English and one day find a job in the USA because he hopes to build a future with me. He talks a lot about one day marrying me and building a family with me. I feel so guilty for wanting to die after everything he sacrificed.

Chances are if that much in love he will follow your ctb

 

[Pistolero114]

Chances are if that much in love he will follow your ctb

Tough one. When it's just you it's one thing. I do not envy your position. Sorry I have nothing to offer. Only luck you find ☮.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Given all that has gone on here, I'm now very distrusting on this site. I'm sorry for your feelings if they are true, but I feel now, one has to have the caveat "if they are true". Nothing on this site is now believable unfortunately. Why I would question you, is that you say you want to CTB, but as a new member are posting an "easy tool for emotional trauma". There is no such thing. Additionally you say that your boyfriends problems were fixable. How can anyone who is suicidal, say that someone else's problems were "fixable"?

He wouldn't go to therapy, he wouldn't take meds. He did nothing to help himself. He expected me to fix him. He had a rich family that could have payed for his meds, therapy or whatever he needed. I don't understand how you are confused about fixable vs not fixable. I probably should have titled my other post SIMPLE instead of easy. It is in fact simple but not easy. It probably doesn't work for everyone. Just ignore the post if you're not interested. Perhaps you are the one who should be questioned. This site is supposed to be for people to have discussion without judgement.