Need advice, I guess? Or just to be heard

[quothTheRaven9]

So, I received my SN. Have yet to get meto, but I'm not sure I will…probably just do the 2 glasses of SN and hope for the best, maybe with a fentanyl backup (assuming I can connect to somebody who can get me some) in case it all goes sideways. I'm planning to leave the state I live in and go to a different city, then find an anonymous place to do it…maybe after partying with some friends. At least make my last night fun.

How do you guys recommend letting go? Of like…life, that stupid sense of owing people. I've lived my whole life "for" others and it brought me here…I'm a failure with no hope and no desire other than to die. But I'm afraid that at the last second I'll change my mind because I don't want to hurt people, and that terrifies me.

My best plan is to take the SN, take the fent if I've got it, and position myself into to some fast moving water so even if the two don't kill me, drowning will. All of this at night, in an area where no one will see. That way there's no way I can back out or call for help.

Any ideas/thoughts? I'm desperate here.

 

[sharky]

The SN will most likely kill you. Not a fan of the moving water because it would be very unpleasant I suppose. I'm gonna take SN and lay down and listen to music.
But I strongly recommend meto for SN. I've read through dozens of threads and everyone says it's a necessity. Chance of vommiting is high.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is hard to let go of life as this existence is all we know. The way I see it, our lives are so temporary and meaningless and we will all die eventually no matter what happens. I tell myself how pointless life is, and that helps me to realise how insignificant my problems really are. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[quothTheRaven9]

The SN will most likely kill you. Not a fan of the moving water because it would be very unpleasant I suppose. I'm gonna take SN and lay down and listen to music.
But I strongly recommend meto for SN. I've read through dozens of threads and everyone says it's a necessity. Chance of vommiting is high.

Dude, I know we can't source anything on here but I'm having a hell of a time locating meto. Like, ugh. Thus all the backups. And, drowning actually terrifies me. Like I have almost got a phobia of the particular rapids I'm thinking of. But, life is pain and I f'ing hate myself…so if the last thing I do is a supremely unpleasant, terrifying experience, that would be 100% on brand for me. Lol. It's so fucked up I find that funny, isn't it?

 

[sharky]

Dude, I know we can't source anything on here but I'm having a hell of a time locating meto. Like, ugh. Thus all the backups. And, drowning actually terrifies me. Like I have almost got a phobia of the particular rapids I'm thinking of. But, life is pain and I f'ing hate myself…so if the last thing I do is a supremely unpleasant, terrifying experience, that would be 100% on brand for me. Lol. It's so fucked up I find that funny, isn't it?

Meto was surprisingly easy to get for me. There's a site where you can let a doctor prescribe you meto, you just have to answer a few questions and then they approve it and you get the meto delivered. Or you could just go to a doctor and say that you feel dizzy all the time and vommited a few times

 

[quothTheRaven9]

Meto was surprisingly easy to get for me. There's a site where you can let a doctor prescribe you meto, you just have to answer a few questions and then they approve it and you get the meto delivered. Or you could just go to a doctor and say that you feel dizzy all the time and vommited a few times

@sharky pm me?

 

[its-about-time]

Dude, I know we can't source anything on here but I'm having a hell of a time locating meto. Like, ugh. Thus all the backups. And, drowning actually terrifies me. Like I have almost got a phobia of the particular rapids I'm thinking of. But, life is pain and I f'ing hate myself…so if the last thing I do is a supremely unpleasant, terrifying experience, that would be 100% on brand for me. Lol. It's so fucked up I find that funny, isn't it?

We have the same sense of humor lol. Dying in a way that's intentionally horrifying to you? Well, we've all got our thing I guess, the idea does make me chuckle a bit. If you want advice I'd say don't rush yourself. Make sure it's what you truly want, not just in theory, but in practice.