Discussion Need a relationship advice... lmao

[qw3rty259]

More like a human comunication advice... This is probably not the best place to ask it, some might say. But I think it would be interesting to hear opinions from people who might have somewhat similar mindset to mine. Sorry in advance, if some of it sounds cringe.

So, during the last month a was buying coffee from one place 2-3 times per week. I usually don't look into people's faces for too long and that coffee stand is made so that the barista is slightly higher than a customer. That's why I usually look more on hands... But this time the barista girl suddenly asked me whether my name is "..." and said that we were in the same class during high school. I was stupefied, looked at her face and somehow, my brain instantly recognised her, even though i haven't seen her for more than 10 years, lol. But the conversation turned out to be really awkward. She tried to start it, but I was totally confused. (I haven't talked to people irl for 3 months, no cap). I answered the questions, but didn't contribute to the exchange at all, she was doing her work and i didn't know whether she was comfortable to talk, because it was chilling outside, and moreover she closed the window to not get too cold. I think she was nervous too, because she asked again did I want sugar in it or not. It doesn't help that we didn't even really talked to each other during school time, so I wasn't sure what to say. And I'm not sure what was the purpose of it all. I think that I bought coffee from her for a few times and didn't notice her and now it'll be weird if i suddenly stop buying coffee there... I think I felt her look on me a few times but didn't pay attention to it as I try to not annoy people. But I'm not sure, maybe she's new there and that was the first time she saw me.

I thought about go there again and asking her to go for a walk sometime and exchange our phone numbers so we could communicate, but it seems pretty risky, I don't want to make a fool of me... Casue maybe she literally just wanted to say hi, and that's all. I also don't want her to think that I ghosted here after this. I don't even talk about some serious relationship here as I have some health issues so I don't want my hypothetical partner to be bothered by it so I consider myself not worth it. But I wouldn't mind a person to talk to as I was pretty deprived of it for 3 month irl. Tbh, even this failed communication made a dophamine firework in my brain so it threw me off the tracks of my usuall boring life i put up with and now I realise I'm missing out on some things. But at the same time I don't understand what the purpose of it all... As I think about it too much and see how it ends after 1-2 meetings. But maybe that's okay? It kinda shows how much of a poser I'm here as I think that I'm suicidal but afraid to ask a girl out as if it has a meaning now, eh... But I'm really am suicidal, that's one of the reasons why I isolated myself from everyone, so I'm afraid that the person might be upset if i really ctb not long after we talk or something like that . I live in a small town and everyone kinda knows what's happening. But isn't it irrelevant too when you're dead? So, maybe I should try to talk to her?

What are your thoughts on this? Should I try to communicate or stick to my isolation and don't possibly make things worse? Maybe share your experience, if you had similar thoughts

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I guess if you are suicidal, then what do you have to lose anyway ?
Just go for it and ask her out.
I find being suicidal has actually made me more of a risk taker and freed my mind up into not giving a fuck anymore, yet I'm not interested in relationships.
Seriously, if you really like her then just go for it.
She maybe shy and thinking about you too.

 

[qw3rty259]

I find being suicidal has actually made me more of a risk taker and freed my mind up into not giving a fuck anymore, yet I'm not interested in relationships.

Yeah, I've thought about it too, yet Iooks like I'm too far gone with that stupid fear of what people would think about me even after my death... i really should get rid of it

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yeah, I've thought about it too, yet Iooks like I'm too far gone with that stupid fear of what people would think about me even after my death... i really should get rid of it

Yeah, I was like this not too long ago myself.
I guess I just let go of everything concerning what others thought of me the more suicidal I became.
It's a liberating experience to just let go and finally be yourself.
I hope you can let go too.

 

[Celerity]

Jesus Christ, just do it. You have no idea how it will turn out. Life is too short to waste on regrets. As a 30 year old virgin, trust me when I say you need to do this for nothing else than to gain some confidence.

 

[R_N]

It depends on what you want. But rn you are overthinking this encounter and even projecting some things you don't even know about her based on how you feel about it.

If you make a move it is better to do it without being too eager. Just have a chat sometimes when you are there I would say and see where it goes from there. Don't set yourself up for dissapointment but you also don't have to give up completely out of insecurity or whatever. Treat it as anything else.

 

[qw3rty259]

Just have a chat sometimes when you are there I would say and see where it goes from there.

The thing is it's impossible to have a normal chat there as it's a coffee kiosk on the street and it's chilling outside so she's not really comfortable talking for too long and other customers might be waiting. So the only option I have is to casually ask her whether she'd like to go for a walk or somewhere to hand out when I buy a coffee there next time... But it does feel rushed, so idk

If you make a move it is better to do it without being too eager

Yea, I agree, as I said, i don't expect anything big out of it. If it's a "no" then I'm totally cool with it, just minus one place to buy coffee from for some time

 

[LetMeBeSad]

Despite my typical negative comments (I am on a suicide forum after all), I too have found someone. A little bit different context, I know she likes me. She's always telling me she misses me and when we talk, I feel like I have known her my whole life. She tells me those same things. I'm easy to talk to and she feels like she's known me for years. That took some time though. What R_N said is 100% true.

Take it easy and talk to her. Get to know her. Ask her about her. Sometimes I struggle to continue a conversation too. Instead of trying to come up with something witty or whatever, in the moment, ask her something. Her favourite song, is she a dog or cat person, what show is she binging right now. Simple questions that are non-invasive and can lead to great conversations. At the very least, she will likely tell you about herself. Which is what you want. It will also have the effect of indirectly telling her you are interested in her. You want to know her. Not date her, not try to live up to social standards, not try to live up to your own standards, and not even try to live up to her standards. You are simply trying to get to know her.

The thing is it's impossible to have a normal chat there as it's a coffee kiosk on the street and it's chilling outside so she's not really comfortable talking for too long and other customers might be waiting. So the only option I have is to casually ask her whether she'd like to go for a walk or somewhere to hand out when I buy a coffee there next time... But it does feel rushed, so idk

Quick conversation ideas then. Remember what she says and make references to other past, quick conversations as you get to know her. Picture it as if it's one big conversation doled out piece style. If she gets riffing with you, then ask to take her out for a coffee or something (probably not at the coffee shop she works at). Simple. Hard, but simple.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I thought about go there again and asking her to go for a walk sometime and exchange our phone numbers so we could communicate, but it seems pretty risky, I don't want to make a fool of me... Casue maybe she literally just wanted to say hi, and that's all. I also don't want her to think that I ghosted here after this.

it's a coffee kiosk on the street and it's chilling outside so she's not really comfortable talking for too long and other customers might be waiting.

If she's busy working, I think it's the best thing to suggest exchanging contacts. It would show that you're interested in talking with her more while also being considerate of her circumstances/schedule. Plus, it'd open up the possibility of conversing with her via text, which I think most people find easier than talking face-to-face.

It kinda shows how much of a poser I'm here as I think that I'm suicidal but afraid to ask a girl out as if it has a meaning now

I think being suicidal is one of the many things you can't be a "poser" in. Having specific perspectives or traits doesn't make you a "true" suicidal person.

You either want to CTB or you don't, that's all there is to it.

Finding purpose/meaning in life doesn't make you any more or less suicidal. While, yes, a significant amount of suicidal people see no purpose in life, that doesn't mean it's a qualification to be considered truly suicidal.

All in all, don't worry about being a poser.

What are your thoughts on this? Should I try to communicate or stick to my isolation and don't possibly make things worse?

Do what you want, really.

Although, correct me if I'm wrong, it seems like you want to talk to her, so I suggest trying it out.

So the only option I have is to casually ask her whether she'd like to go for a walk or somewhere to hand out when I buy a coffee there next time... But it does feel rushed, so idk

If it feels rushed, just explain that you'd like to talk to her when she's not busy. I don't think she'd be bothered by you being considerate.

Also, like LetMeBeSad said, if you're struggling with a conversation, just ask questions. When you ask questions, you learn more about her, which is obviously the goal, and you have an opportunity to make a conversation out of it.

Hopefully my advice wasn't ass, and good luck!

 

[qw3rty259]

Also, like LetMeBeSad said, if you're struggling with a conversation, just ask questions.

No, I'm okay, I actually know a lot of things we could discuss. It's just due to the unusualness of the situation my mind was analysing wtf is happening and deciding how I should act