N
Need Peace
Member
- Sep 25, 2023
- 25
For many years I always had an escape plan. If things ever got bad enough I'd just OD on sleeping pills and never wake up. I thought it was a guaranteed method.
Well, things got bad enough. So, recently, I did some research to determine how many pills I would need and found out modern sleeping pills don't really work. I must have gotten the idea from a movie or something. So now I've been searching for a new method.
I always wanted to go to sleep and have a painless exit. When I read about N I thought that would be perfect only to find out its no longer obtainable. Next best would be an opiate OD. However, as a former heroin addict who's been clean for many years, I just can't bring myself to do that. I'm certain I can get fent and my opiate tolerance should be low enough that it'd work, but getting and staying clean is one of the few things I've ever done right in life. I didn't do all that to die with a needle in my arm now.
I don't want a violent death. I don't want my last moments to be traumatic either. So no gunshot, no jumping off buildings/bridges, no hanging, no drowning, and no cutting.
I thought maybe SN or SA would work but I've read quite a few reports that its definitely not a peaceful solution. The inert gas method sounds peaceful, but dying with a bag over my head just doesn't feel palatable to me.
I need to figure something out. I don't think I'm ready to CBT yet, but I wish I could do it every fucking day. Things are getting bad now and they could still get worse. I would feel better if I have a sound escape plan that I know I'd be comfortable with and I know would work.
Maybe I won't have to execute it, but knowing I have an exit button is a comfort in itself. I'd appreciate any suggestions.
Thanks
Well, things got bad enough. So, recently, I did some research to determine how many pills I would need and found out modern sleeping pills don't really work. I must have gotten the idea from a movie or something. So now I've been searching for a new method.
I always wanted to go to sleep and have a painless exit. When I read about N I thought that would be perfect only to find out its no longer obtainable. Next best would be an opiate OD. However, as a former heroin addict who's been clean for many years, I just can't bring myself to do that. I'm certain I can get fent and my opiate tolerance should be low enough that it'd work, but getting and staying clean is one of the few things I've ever done right in life. I didn't do all that to die with a needle in my arm now.
I don't want a violent death. I don't want my last moments to be traumatic either. So no gunshot, no jumping off buildings/bridges, no hanging, no drowning, and no cutting.
I thought maybe SN or SA would work but I've read quite a few reports that its definitely not a peaceful solution. The inert gas method sounds peaceful, but dying with a bag over my head just doesn't feel palatable to me.
I need to figure something out. I don't think I'm ready to CBT yet, but I wish I could do it every fucking day. Things are getting bad now and they could still get worse. I would feel better if I have a sound escape plan that I know I'd be comfortable with and I know would work.
Maybe I won't have to execute it, but knowing I have an exit button is a comfort in itself. I'd appreciate any suggestions.
Thanks