Venting Nearly a year since breakdown!

[MeltingHeart]

It was on January the 3rd or 4th last year that I first started to think about ctb seriously for the first time, after many many months of severe insomnia (obviously caused by underlying anxiety issues) I tried to reach out/ call out for help; to friends, family & doctors way before it got to the point where I had such extreme thoughts - but it eluded me- no help was forthcoming- no one took me seriously- I felt so overlooked, like never before in my life (and that happened to quite a high degree before then) - this time of year is bringing it all back to me- how rapidly I became unravelled - it's so upsetting to replay it all in my head again- how I had literally no one to turn to when I really needed it- I've always been v.self reliant/ sufficient -but it was such a lonely feeling. The thought of Xmas & New Year's Eve/ New Year's Day- when it all went wrong - fills me with such dread :(

 

[Essence]

I'm not sure what you have been through to get to this place in your life @MeltingHeart , but I sincerely hope you find peace, love and acceptance whether it be this realm or the next

 

[MeltingHeart]

I'm not sure what you have been through to get to this place in your life @MeltingHeart , but I sincerely hope you find peace, love and acceptance whether it be this realm or the next

thku!-hopefully in the nxt realm

 

[Jean4]

It was on January the 3rd or 4th last year that I first started to think about ctb seriously for the first time, after many many months of severe insomnia (obviously caused by underlying anxiety issues) I tried to reach out/ call out for help; to friends, family & doctors way before it got to the point where I had such extreme thoughts - but it eluded me- no help was forthcoming- no one took me seriously- I felt so overlooked, like never before in my life (and that happened to quite a high degree before then) - this time of year is bringing it all back to me- how rapidly I became unravelled - it's so upsetting to replay it all in my head again- how I had literally no one to turn to when I really needed it- I've always been v.self reliant/ sufficient -but it was such a lonely feeling. The thought of Xmas & New Year's Eve/ New Year's Day- when it all went wrong - fills me with such dread :(

I understand how you are feeling. Know that this year, you have us... and we care.

 

[noctiva]

Hei @MeltingHeart, I can completely identify with your post. I don't know about you, but for me, suicide was never an option before this year. I have always known I'd die by my own hand, yes, but that was far into the future, when I was getting old and infirm, unable to take care of myself. I didn't think it would be this year.
I was plunged into a crisis I cannot deal with. And I asked everyone who would listen for help. I talked to my therapist, psychologist, medical doctor, friends, work colleagues, my partner. I basically screamed for help that I cannot deal, that I feel like I am dying inside, that I need help to fix it, I literally asked 'Please, help me', 'Please, I need help'. And no help came. I kept asking for it, for a while. And I still do when I feel I cannot carry it anymore, but all I receive is radio silence. People don't even want to talk to me anymore, because I always talk about the same issue, and it bores them, in their opinion I should move on. And the world has moved on, just.. I haven't. I'm still here, in the past, trying to puzzle the pieces of myself together and unable to do so.
That's why I always write something under my posts like 'Be kind to yourself', because I have learned that no one else will be in tough times.
So be kind to yourself MeltingHeart, take care and feel hugged.

 

[LMLN]

Hei @MeltingHeart, I can completely identify with your post. I don't know about you, but for me, suicide was never an option before this year. I have always known I'd die by my own hand, yes, but that was far into the future, when I was getting old and infirm, unable to take care of myself. I didn't think it would be this year.
I was plunged into a crisis I cannot deal with. And I asked everyone who would listen for help. I talked to my therapist, psychologist, medical doctor, friends, work colleagues, my partner. I basically screamed for help that I cannot deal, that I feel like I am dying inside, that I need help to fix it, I literally asked 'Please, help me', 'Please, I need help'. And no help came. I kept asking for it, for a while. And I still do when I feel I cannot carry it anymore, but all I receive is radio silence. People don't even want to talk to me anymore, because I always talk about the same issue, and it bores them, in their opinion I should move on. And the world has moved on, just.. I haven't. I'm still here, in the past, trying to puzzle the pieces of myself together and unable to do so.
That's why I always write something under my posts like 'Be kind to yourself', because I have learned that no one else will be in tough times.
So be kind to yourself MeltingHeart, take care and feel hugged.

Yes. Although people have tried to help me in my crisis, I feel they have gotten tired of me. They've moved on and so should I. Hugs to you.

 

[AnxiouslyDepressed]

Yes. Although people have tried to help me in my crisis, I feel they have gotten tired of me. They've moved on and so should I. Hugs to you.

I feel the same

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yes. Although people have tried to help me in my crisis, I feel they have gotten tired of me. They've moved on and so should I. Hugs to you.

the thing was when i first had the problems-like the v bad insomnia-that was caused by-and in turn worsened anxiety-that was almost the first ever time I was asking for help and for someone to listen to me, normally I have just faced eveything on my own-and never speak to people about my problems so I felt so let down that even this one time, no one would listen me. :(