Narcissistic Family abuse and Survival

[Water-Lily]

As I'm trying to find inspiration on how to move on with my life, I am left with a crippling dread

Survival

In the sense that, even when you move out/away from your abusers, the trauma you suffered for years is internalized in you. It then because you having to learn to put away all the internalized trauma and learn to live and not just survive

Survival coping skills are what we pick up that help us cope in the abusive environment when the abuse is happening. But when you move out that environment and move into a different or healthy one, you have to put down the survival tools and learn to live

Only with long term abuse, it shaped you. And so to an extent it'll always be a part of you. therapy, meds, all that stuff does so much. The pain and its effects willl always be there to some degree. And then you have to learn to decide is living with the permanent scare of trauma is worth it

For sine it is. Some people find meaning in their pain and go on to live healthier lives. Not quite perfect but better. And some are completely damaged and ruined by it

I'm not sure where I lie, I just wish I didn't have such a hard road ahead of me. A road of survival because it'll last even when I move out, possibly for many many years

Whats the point if a good life if all you do is just survive? Is there any point in just living? For the hope that maybe "one day" you won't have to survive anymore?

I don't know if it's worth it. It seems like a grim life to live. I still deal with so much shame and issues with myself. I don't know if living is worth it if your quality of life is going to be diminished

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so incredibly awful how in this cruel world humans create so much suffering. There certainly could never be anything fair about existing here, I'm sorry that you've had to go through all this.

 

[inlify]

same situation my guy

 

[Water-Lily]

same situation my guy

Thing is, I don't know if I can justify suciide in my circumstance. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is not death, but to keep on keeping on I guess

 

[inlify]

Thing is, I don't know if I can justify suciide in my circumstance. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is not death, but to keep on keeping on I guess

wdym by justify? & yeah sometimes it is easier just to keep on keeping. Js hopefully your suffering doesnt become so intoxicating that it drives you insane.

 

[Water-Lily]

wdym by justify? & yeah sometimes it is easier just to keep on keeping. Js hopefully your suffering doesnt become so intoxicating that it drives you insane.

I love the picture lol

But in a way, I kind of hope I do g insane and commit suicide. I think a part of me wants it to happen

 

[inlify]

I love the picture lol

But in a way, I kind of hope I do g insane and commit suicide. I think a part of me wants it to happen

yeah, if you manage to break your SI let me know how plz.

 

[Water-Lily]

yeah, if you manage to break your SI let me know plz.

I don't know if I'll break it but I guess we'll see

 

[inlify]

I don't know if I'll break it but I guess we'll see

best of luck

 

[kitkat7777]

Npd abuse recover is hard.. 2 suicides in my family due to it already. I might be the 3rd.

 

[virgilwalks]

What if you can make it beyond "survive" and more to "thrive."

 

[Pluto]

The worst thing about narcissistic abuse is that it damages our sense of self and our ideas of boundaries. I've found the same sorts of things keep happening in adult relationships because it's 'all I know'.

Anyway, the best advice that I can give is to beware of the no-man's-land between suicide and recovery. It amounts to a lot of pain and despair, neither progressing nor ending. Because there's doubt, it makes sense to look at your options. Perhaps there is a way to find something that you lost long ago in the chaos.

 

[Night45]

Npd abuse recover is hard.. 2 suicides in my family due to it already. I might be the 3rd.

This resonated with me so much. There has already been 1 in my family and at the time I didn't understand NPD abuse but now I do I understand what happened to that family member and their decision seems so much more understandable even logical.

Recovery is so long and lonely and shaking off toxic adult relationships created from that indoctrination is so hard to do without feeling like you are the problem.

At this rate I think I'll be the second in my family too.

I'm sorry you guys are experiencing this same shit, this pain is so unreal - I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

[Water-Lily]

This resonated with me so much. There has already been 1 in my family and at the time I didn't understand NPD abuse but now I do I understand what happened to that family member and their decision seems so much more understandable even logical.

Recovery is so long and lonely and shaking off toxic adult relationships created from that indoctrination is so hard to do without feeling like you are the problem.

At this rate I think I'll be the second in my family too.

I'm sorry you guys are experiencing this same shit, this pain is so unreal - I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

what gets me is how we carry this burden but our abusers dont. our abusers seemingly thrive off the misery. My own mom, as abuisve as she was, was suicidal. Extremely. Made attempts to end her life and stuff. And sometimes, I wonder if my life would have been better if she did. She wouldnt have abused me the way she did if she was alive

The worst thing about narcissistic abuse is that it damages our sense of self and our ideas of boundaries. I've found the same sorts of things keep happening in adult relationships because it's 'all I know'.

Anyway, the best advice that I can give is to beware of the no-man's-land between suicide and recovery. It amounts to a lot of pain and despair, neither progressing nor ending. Because there's doubt, it makes sense to look at your options. Perhaps there is a way to find something that you lost long ago in the chaos.

yeah. its why I dont think I will ever let go suicide. recovery is hard, painfully hard. And knowing I can say "fuck it" and go if its tooo much makes me feel so happy

 

[The anhedonic one]

My mother was a narcissist.
I have suffered severe child abuse and have lived a life of struggling to find meaning yet have failed miserably.
I just can't function in this dreadful world, everything I do goes wrong.
I have been living in survival mode for most of my life. I have done very little of this thing called " living ".
To me this life is wicked and cruel.
Especially where people are concerned. I'm just so tired of toxic people and the so-called normies. I also don't understand how they can enjoy human existence.
This sick game of life isn't for me. Never has been, never will be.

 

[Night45]

@Water-Lily fully understanding that these abusers continue to exist in the world moving about without any sense of remorse, that there isn't really justice for these sort of situations and any damage is your own to heal have really left me in deep shock. Many times these people are actively benefiting and celebrated and even people who know the truth might just question why you don't just accept how things are and play the game better.

Just makes me want to exit stage left and leave them all to it. Ctb seems so difficult though. Where I am, it looks like jumping is my most reliable option but working up the nerve is difficult.

I have suffered severe child abuse and have lived a life of struggling to find meaning yet have failed miserably.
I just can't function in this dreadful world, everything I do goes wrong.
I have been living in survival mode for most of my life. I have done very little of this thing called " living ".
To me this life is wicked and cruel.
Especially where people are concerned. I'm just so tired of toxic people and the so-called normies. I also don't understand how they can enjoy human existence.
This sick game of life isn't for me. Never had been, never will be.

I'm sorry you went through all of this. It's such a tough thing to go through and so hard to find people who understand and don't judge.

 

[Water-Lily]

it makes me wonder if, if ever scapegoat of abuse died out, then how would people feel?

would they see it as survival of the fittest? Claim we were too sensitive and move on and not care about our lack existence? Maybe they'd feel happier we are not around bothering them with our issues

 

[Unattainable666]

As I'm trying to find inspiration on how to move on with my life, I am left with a crippling dread

Survival

In the sense that, even when you move out/away from your abusers, the trauma you suffered for years is internalized in you. It then because you having to learn to put away all the internalized trauma and learn to live and not just survive

Survival coping skills are what we pick up that help us cope in the abusive environment when the abuse is happening. But when you move out that environment and move into a different or healthy one, you have to put down the survival tools and learn to live

Only with long term abuse, it shaped you. And so to an extent it'll always be a part of you. therapy, meds, all that stuff does so much. The pain and its effects willl always be there to some degree. And then you have to learn to decide is living with the permanent scare of trauma is worth it

For sine it is. Some people find meaning in their pain and go on to live healthier lives. Not quite perfect but better. And some are completely damaged and ruined by it

I'm not sure where I lie, I just wish I didn't have such a hard road ahead of me. A road of survival because it'll last even when I move out, possibly for many many years

Whats the point if a good life if all you do is just survive? Is there any point in just living? For the hope that maybe "one day" you won't have to survive anymore?

I don't know if it's worth it. It seems like a grim life to live. I still deal with so much shame and issues with myself. I don't know if living is worth it if your quality of life is going to be diminished

The woman who had me (I refuse to call her mother) was a narcissist. She destroyed my life. I often wonder who I could have become had I been raised by someone who loved me. My life has gone downhill every year I breathe. I'm now older and am looking forward to ctb. I'm waiting for my cat to die before me. That's the only reason Im still here. I'm so sorry that you went through any relationship with a narcissist. I don't think you ever heal. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Night45]

it makes me wonder if, if ever scapegoat of abuse died out, then how would people feel?

would they see it as survival of the fittest? Claim we were too sensitive and move on and not care about our lack existence? Maybe they'd feel happier we are not around bothering them with our issues

I already hear no end of how I am too sensitive so no doubt they would come up with some line of reasoning where they don't take responsibility.

Abusers would not care ultimately not in any meaningful way. The narcs in my family have become apparent to me since my family member ctb so they didn't take the death as enough reason to change. The main narc in that situation is maybe a bit more subtle with it now as the control over the surviving children has faded as they got older but the rage is always loud just beneath the surface.

 

[GettingOut]

yeah, if you manage to break your SI let me know how plz.

In my experience, SI doesn't break. It erodes until it cannot sustain life anymore.