Venting Narcissism and sociopathic behavior is what damaged me

[sadman710]

I've realized the last week, that's what has damaged me. Many close to me, and as well as the way this society has turned, is the primary source of my pain. It just gets worse with time. I just wanted to live a simple, honest life, doing things that were fruitful and built connections, no mind games or cunning.

Disappointment after disappointment, betrayal after betrayal. Trust broken. No matter what I do, how successful I got, how unsuccessful or low points in my life, I was never respected (by overwhelming majority). Just used when I did well, and annihilated at my weak points. Except by a few.

I'm broken. I've been quiet for several days mourning in my own head. It hit me. This place will never get better. Just a bunch of false hope and empty promises.

I've been abused on and off my whole life, and it never stops. And never will. Harassed, ganged up on, manipulated, you name it. Mentally, physically, sexually (when i was younger). Not to mention financially, which is very underrated the toll this can take on you.

I've isolated now for a whole month. No one knows where I really am. I decided that this the only moment of peace. Some are starting to "worry" and finally get it. I told them please stop with your fake care, youll never change. The time away from the noise, even though my phone still buzzes, has been a total paradise in comparison. But it made me realize. While I do value connections, most of those around me as well as this society, are the sources of my hair turning gray. I wish this could last forever, but it's not possible to.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

That's a lot of suffering. I hope you find relief.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I've realized the last week, that's what has damaged me. Many close to me, and as well as the way this society has turned, is the primary source of my pain. It just gets worse with time. I just wanted to live a simple, honest life, doing things that were fruitful and built connections, no mind games or cunning.

Disappointment after disappointment, betrayal after betrayal. Trust broken. No matter what I do, how successful I got, how unsuccessful or low points in my life, I was never respected (by overwhelming majority). Just used when I did well, and annihilated at my weak points. Except by a few.

I'm broken. I've been quiet for several days mourning in my own head. It hit me. This place will never get better. Just a bunch of false hope and empty promises.

I've been abused on and off my whole life, and it never stops. And never will. Harassed, ganged up on, manipulated, you name it. Mentally, physically, sexually (when i was younger). Not to mention financially, which is very underrated the toll this can take on you.

I've isolated now for a whole month. No one knows where I really am. I decided that this the only moment of peace. Some are starting to "worry" and finally get it. I told them please stop with your fake care, youll never change. The time away from the noise, even though my phone still buzzes, has been a total paradise in comparison. But it made me realize. While I do value connections, most of those around me as well as this society, are the sources of my hair turning gray. I wish this could last forever, but it's not possible to.

I identify strongly. I have been grieving my own potential for some time and I think I've come to a point where I realise I don't want to be sad about it. I'm gonna kill myself in peace because I don't belong here and that's okay.

I wanted to offer my personal name for our species: "the fierce ape". There are other apes that are quite fierce but I like the moniker for ours.

 

[Meteora]

Sociopathy, narcissism..... welcome to my "family".
I grew up like that, believing I m the mistake. It took me many years in therapy to understand that they are actually not normal. I was literally brainwashed as a child an teenager.
This awareness that I m not the mistake doesn't help much, though. The damage is done and will haunt me for my whole life.

But I m not gonna stay.