my view on life doesn't change even when I learn more.

[M30W]

I would count myself as an open minded person however I of course have moments when my thoughts can spiral but im always into learning new things sense I was a kid. Anyways though I have also always said I was suicidal but I don't think I have ever really considered suicide till today and my life wasn't even at its lowest. There have been times when I didn't even want out of bed I would ruin my body and say it's for the better and to this day I can say I've healed from it because I learned more and now I'm saying I've learned what real suicidal tendencies can be like more than just always thinking about it and what would happen to me. Ive always had thoughts of were I would go when I die and if the day would be beautiful or very lonely and when it comes to suicide it really depends on the person or more so the brain. My dad knew deep down I wanted to commit suicide sense I was a kid because he saw my suicide letter and my scars from self harm. I was 12 at the time when I started self harm and I would still wear short sleeves because It was more so a call for help. Nobody mentioned it, my grandma, my brothers, my mom and dad had all seen them and didn't say a word until it was my brother that told me to stop being a drama queen (which was understandable because that's what I was at the time). I need to get to the point though so basically its that, even when im not depressed but still stuck with my brain im always gonna want to be dead and it wasn't till today I realized that IS how im gonna do out no matter how far I look back and no matter how many reasons I come up with to stay none will be enough and there is no point in wasting time and falling in love with little things.

 

[Deicius]

I believe that due to the human being's inherent consciousness opposing its animal nature, there is a voluntary inclination towards death and demise. However, since society and culture tend to sugarcoat these primal animalistic desires over rationality, the inevitable desire for death will often be ignored and commonly reduced to brief terms like mental illness. Despite looking into any field of knowledge, you'll consistently find facts supporting and rationalizing this deeply rooted suicidal inclination in human consciousness.