Venting My thoughts on if I called my therapist right now

[undecidedfool]

What am I even gonna fucking tell her?

I can't get off the couch
I don't know what to say
Everything sucks for no particular reason that I didn't create
I only have a few minutes
I want to die (can't say that though)
I can't fucking shower again
I'm disgusting
I hate being alive (probably shouldn't say that)
I'm a piece of shit
I can't do life right
I think I want to kill myself this Saturday (definitely can't say that)
I'm a fucking failure
I just assume everything will work out and never consider the consequences until it's too late
I don't want to get better
I want to wallow in my misery so much I have to kill myself (no saying that either)
I'm bad at expressing myself until I'm at my breaking point
I'm close but I feel too numb
So maybe I should kill myself now (can't say)
Maybe I'm numb enough today to overcome my survival instinct (can't say)
I would like that (can't say)
Fuck.
Fuck.
FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
I'm tired.
Have a nice day.

Maybe I shouldn't call.