My thoughts are getting a bit too much..

[LittleBlackCat]

For the last few months I think about suicide almost constantly. I have various different method plans going round in my head like a loop all the time. The only break I get is when I'm asleep. I've tried distractions but they're not working too well. I'd prefer not to be in this state, I'd like to be calm and plan properly. I also don't want to ctb just yet. But this is getting a bit much. I'm not sure what to do. I'm obsessed with methods right now

 

[reverse03]

Once suicide entered our mind it will never leave. You can drowned it down but it is always there. A single trigger or the culmination of things can bring it back up. A trigger doesn't matter how big or small it is. It maybe insignificant for others but it might be the biggest thing for you. As they said a single straw can break
a camel's back.

As for me, I was suicidal or have ideation and fantasies since I was a child, around 9-11 years old. I thought I was not suicidal since I drowned it out and never think of suicide again until months ago where suicide is the only thing that is in my mind. I tried to drowning it and ignoring it but at the back of my head the call is only getting stronger everyday. I may feel numb and apathetic now but I just let suicide run through my mind. I now have SN by my sife. Just waiting for a perfect time to take it. The guy they are looking for is no longer here, I am just a hollow shell from the past that is degrading over time.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing can certainly be tiring as there is no real relief or escape from our thoughts as long as we stay here and of course having the ability to be conscious and aware of all of this can be so torturous. Temporary sleep could never be enough of a relief for me personally, in any way. But I hope that you are able to find the calm that you wish for. I've always liked the sound of leaving this world feeling so calm about the fact that this will all be coming to an end and that I will finally be free from this horrific world.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

For the last few months I think about suicide almost constantly. I have various different method plans going round in my head like a loop all the time. The only break I get is when I'm asleep. I've tried distractions but they're not working too well. I'd prefer not to be in this state, I'd like to be calm and plan properly. I also don't want to ctb just yet. But this is getting a bit much. I'm not sure what to do. I'm obsessed with methods right now

Do you think it has anything to do with being on SS everyday and reading about methods, goodbyes, procedures, SN, N, CO and all kind of other related things? Maybe you need a break now and then for a head reset.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

Do you think it has anything to do with being on SS everyday and reading about methods, goodbyes, procedures, SN, N, CO and all kind of other related things? Maybe you need a break now and then for a head reset.

I think I need a break. I'm really scared of dying - the process and what happens after. But at the same time I'm comforted by it. I love this site and the people on here, it helps to be here. But yes perhaps I need a break from reading about methods.