Venting My therapist's advice on how to have better conversations with people works ZERO with my parents...

[ConfusedHurting2632]

One of the biggest tips my therapist gave me in regards to having better conversations with people was asking about them and their thoughts instead of just telling people about your own self. So I tried it with my parents.

Asking stuff like "what do you think?" when talking about a certain topic. Or "what are your thoughts on this?" For more specific examples...

Example 1: "They say that kids get dumber and dumber over the summer break from school. What do you think? Do you think it could be true?"

Example 2: "They're talking about making it impossible for transgender people to transition because they believe it's a mental illness and not a valid identity. What are your thoughts on this?"

And EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I'm met with an answer like "I don't know! GOD!" or "You're so fucking annoying, can you shut up for 5 minutes please?!"

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've heard that advice from my Dad actually: 'If you want people to like you, get them to talk about themselves.' I think maybe you need to start smaller though.

You had every right to initiate a debate but- they may have felt like you were challenging them to reveal and defend their views. We usually do ask people to explain their views when we don't agree with them.

I think maybe- if it's to try and make friendly conversation, it could be lighter. Do they enjoy talking about stuff that happened at their work or about their hobbies or their youth? Ask them to tell you a funny story or something.

The trouble with the above two examples (to my mind) is they were both pretty serious subjects with contentious opinions. People don't always like being probed or challenged on stuff like that. From what you've said about their responses- they clearly didn't want to debate it. Some people don't. They may feel like they are being shown up to be prejudiced. They may have felt like it was a kind of trap almost. Some people just feel uncomfortable talking about the big issues in life.

Maybe ask them about their first pet, their first holiday. If they got into trouble at school etc. It may be pretty boring but it can create more of a nostalgic, emotional response rather than a serious debate. I think part of it is knowing what you can talk to people about. Some people will get quite aggressive even if talk turns to politics. Some people can't seem to debate calmly. Others have no interest. I guess part of the journey through the landmines is working out what people do enjoy talking about but sure- I think asking relavent questions is good- it shows we're paying attention and that we're interested.

 

[theboy]

you could tell him that you need another strategy