Story My therapist told me I’m “too sad” for her services.

[Anxieyote]

My workplace offers a free trial to an online mental health service. I decided to take advantage of it because I hadn't been receiving constructive help from my local therapist I had been seeing for about 6 months.

Today I got into an hour-long video session with this therapist (after being on a waitlist for 3 months). Things started off casually, and she asked me questions about my family, and what hobbies I have; innocuous things like that. Then she asked me if I had ever made concrete plans to take my own life. I told her I had, and I owned a substance that I could use to end my life if I needed to. Her eyes got really big when I described some of the suicide methods I'd researched, and how it's comforting to have a substance that I can use for a relatively peaceful death. I could tell as the conversation went on that she was struggling to come up with things to say the more I went into detail about how I was feeling, and how much thought I had put into ending my life.

She stops me at one point, and says, "You know…these sessions are supposed to be for short-term things I can help you with. There is a lot to unpack here. I can try to help you as much as I can, but it sounds like you're struggling a lot."

(I mean…yes? That's why I reached out to a therapist.)

"We can have further sessions if you want, but I don't know how much I can do. Are there any other therapists in your area that you'd feel comfortable talking to?" I told her that I could try to find a different one, and she told me that I could schedule another appointment with her, but that there were "no guarantees" that she could offer the help I needed.

This situation would almost be comically funny to me if I wasn't in desperate need of help. I waited three months for this…If I had known what online therapy was like, I wouldn't have done this at all. The last thing you want to hear from a therapist is "your problems are too big to solve"—at least that's how I interpreted it. I could tell she that she started to disengage the moment I went into detail about suicide and how hopeless and empty my life had become. She was having "fun" at the start of the conversation, and towards the end I could tell she was getting shaken and uncomfortable by the casual way I was discussing my CTB methods.

It's unfortunate that this experience isn't entirely new to me. I have had other therapists before that wanted to get away with the "paid friend" bullshit and talk to someone as they would talk over a cup of coffee at a restaurant. I'm sorry that my problems go deeper than someone who lost their pet guinea pig or something, but it's not therapy unless you go into the deep shit. I don't know why someone like that would even become a therapist if they weren't ready to engage in talks about death and despair.

 

[Lullaby]

I'm really sorry. That sounds like a pretty shitty therapist, and quite a bit seem to want to do the bare minimum.

I've been in therapy for years but it really seems like it's trial and error to find a good one, which sucks because it shouldn't have to be that way.

If you're still interested in help, I hope you can find someone who really knows what they're doing and more importantly, wants to.

 

[Someone123]

That's a tough situtaion. It is true that many theraoists have limits to what thay can solve within their skill set. When I was younger the therapists I saw were so far off track for what I needed help with that they didn't help at all. She did say that you can have further sessions, but that they may not help. At least she isn't just trying to milk it for money knowing that she doesn't know what to do. It's tough, because so many therapists are so limited in how much they can help.

 

[Smart No More]

There are people in different guises under the therapy banner. Some are just lifestyle coaches at best and are akin to opportunistic types such as charlatans eg fortune tellers, tarot readers and the likes. Some probably have some life experience and knowledge to share but they're not psychologics or psychiatrists. Your employer provided a free trial to a service because it was financially mutually beneficial and probably ticked to safeguarding boxes for the company. Its a token gesture at best. Its not your fault you didn't see through this from the start as some might have and its also understandable that you would take any help offered. It was just never going to be the service you needed I'm afraid as it was mire business arrangement than anything else. They're probably useful to people with average issues like being overworked or having bad intentions in the workplace etc. That said, they should be able to at least refer you on to a relevant professional and if they can't it's pretty clear they're not as professional as they like to appear.

Sorry you waited 3months to be messed around. My suggestion would be to explain this to a doctor but bare in mind that speakingbopenly about suicide the way you did would usually have some consequences. It's good to be honest in the wuest for help but it's not always safe so be honest but tread tentatively in future if yoy want to avoid involuntary institutions or invasive behaviour from the helpers. Of course if this is something you think may benefit you then go ahead. I hope you manage to find the support you're looking for.

The fact they just brain farted and there no follow ups to your clear desire to ctb really says a lot about the status of the particular institute you spoke with. Do they follow up with your company or is there no relationship?

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you went through that experience, I can imagine that it must have been so frustrating and disappointing. I hope that you are able to find what you are looking for.

 

[Foresight]

There's always varying levels of expertise. If you run a multi-million dollar business you probably shouldn't go to a local h&r block for financial services. What this counselor should have done is help you find appropriate services in your area. That's what I would offer if a client's case in my field was beyond my capabilities or someone else could better serve them. To toss someone off and offer nothing is unprofessional at best and downright dangerous at worst when it comes to mental health services. They could have handled this concern more gracefully. Not just the issue of being unprofessional but honestly they could've thought more about how their response could impact you. I'm sorry you went through that. I hope she has more to offer next time you speak.

 

[Anxieyote]

There are people in different guises under the therapy banner. Some are just lifestyle coaches at best and are akin to opportunistic types such as charlatans eg fortune tellers, tarot readers and the likes. Some probably have some life experience and knowledge to share but they're not psychologics or psychiatrists. Your employer provided a free trial to a service because it was financially mutually beneficial and probably ticked to safeguarding boxes for the company. Its a token gesture at best. Its not your fault you didn't see through this from the start as some might have and its also understandable that you would take any help offered. It was just never going to be the service you needed I'm afraid as it was mire business arrangement than anything else. They're probably useful to people with average issues like being overworked or having bad intentions in the workplace etc. That said, they should be able to at least refer you on to a relevant professional and if they can't it's pretty clear they're not as professional as they like to appear.

Sorry you waited 3months to be messed around. My suggestion would be to explain this to a doctor but bare in mind that speakingbopenly about suicide the way you did would usually have some consequences. It's good to be honest in the wuest for help but it's not always safe so be honest but tread tentatively in future if yoy want to avoid involuntary institutions or invasive behaviour from the helpers. Of course if this is something you think may benefit you then go ahead. I hope you manage to find the support you're looking for.

The fact they just brain farted and there no follow ups to your clear desire to ctb really says a lot about the status of the particular institute you spoke with. Do they follow up with your company or is there no relationship?

I work for a major company in the U.S., so my theory is that they paid a certain amount to "partner" with them and advertise their services to employees who are feeling stressed. Probably should have seen through it, but I was hoping for some constructive help since my local therapists haven't been effective. I may have to go "therapist shopping" again unfortunately

 

[wljourney]

Sadly these mental health programs that are covered by employers are pretty much the same: poorly funded and aimed at short term things like "my SO cheated" or "my kid doesn't take out the garbage" or banalities like that.

The therapists simply don't get paid enough and can only bill a max number of sessions.

They are NOT set up for actual mental health care or treatment.

They are also unable to manage mental health crisis' and the risk of losing a client to suicide would really be a risk for their business relationship with the employer. They simply don't want to take that risk.

I am really sorry you had to experience this and you got your hopes up. Lesson learned.

That's why privatized healthcare is such a huge problem:
Therapists will move to private clinics.
Publicly funded Clinics lose staff.
Meanwhile private clinics only take the easy cases and publicly funded clinics have even longer wait times with fewer staff for the severe and difficult to treat patients.

Snowball effect.

 

[Smart No More]

I work for a major company in the U.S., so my theory is that they paid a certain amount to "partner" with them and advertise their services to employees who are feeling stressed. Probably should have seen through it, but I was hoping for some constructive help since my local therapists haven't been effective. I may have to go "therapist shopping" again unfortunately

Yeah, that's my assumption surrounding their relationship too. It probably covers some bases for the company too as they have expectations on providing support. I don't blame you for trying to make the most of it though. They should have at least been able to offer some advice on how to move forward and find better relevant support. Maybe it's worth making a follow up apt for that if it's still free and won't take another 3 months. If you're able, speak with your employer and tell them very generally thst your consultation took place and they suggested you needed more intensive support and advice and see if there's some more appropriate options available to you. They may just say no but it's worth a try and it will go on record as long as you do it formally and that will be useful down the line if you need to uphold a casr against them as it's pretty damn negligent to offer you some diluted fake form of support and then, after describing in detail the ultimate need for significant help, you were told your probelms are too serious for this service without upholding their duty of care to point you in the right direction. You have been wronged. It may not be something you eant to address from a legal stance (I get that) but it pays to have it on record should you eventually find yourself down that route or, dare I say, a loved one once you pass. They may want to chase things up. I wouldn't blame them.

I probably wouldn't tell your employer you told them you were suicidal just yet, if at all. Just tell them you were told you need much more significant treatment. Maybe put it in a letter and give it to HR or whichever relevant department exists in your company. It will have to be saved on record that way. Hopefully they can help with some of the costs. I would probably steer clear of any support workers employed by the company though as they will always have the companies interested ahead of yours. Good luck. :)

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Sounds like she was hoping for an easy case to solve so she could put it on her resume.

They let anyone become a therapist these days.

 

[Out of Time]

My workplace offers a free trial to an online mental health service. I decided to take advantage of it because I hadn't been receiving constructive help from my local therapist I had been seeing for about 6 months.

Today I got into an hour-long video session with this therapist (after being on a waitlist for 3 months). Things started off casually, and she asked me questions about my family, and what hobbies I have; innocuous things like that. Then she asked me if I had ever made concrete plans to take my own life. I told her I had, and I owned a substance that I could use to end my life if I needed to. Her eyes got really big when I described some of the suicide methods I'd researched, and how it's comforting to have a substance that I can use for a relatively peaceful death. I could tell as the conversation went on that she was struggling to come up with things to say the more I went into detail about how I was feeling, and how much thought I had put into ending my life.

She stops me at one point, and says, "You know…these sessions are supposed to be for short-term things I can help you with. There is a lot to unpack here. I can try to help you as much as I can, but it sounds like you're struggling a lot."

(I mean…yes? That's why I reached out to a therapist.)

"We can have further sessions if you want, but I don't know how much I can do. Are there any other therapists in your area that you'd feel comfortable talking to?" I told her that I could try to find a different one, and she told me that I could schedule another appointment with her, but that there were "no guarantees" that she could offer the help I needed.

This situation would almost be comically funny to me if I wasn't in desperate need of help. I waited three months for this…If I had known what online therapy was like, I wouldn't have done this at all. The last thing you want to hear from a therapist is "your problems are too big to solve"—at least that's how I interpreted it. I could tell she that she started to disengage the moment I went into detail about suicide and how hopeless and empty my life had become. She was having "fun" at the start of the conversation, and towards the end I could tell she was getting shaken and uncomfortable by the casual way I was discussing my CTB methods.

It's unfortunate that this experience isn't entirely new to me. I have had other therapists before that wanted to get away with the "paid friend" bullshit and talk to someone as they would talk over a cup of coffee at a restaurant. I'm sorry that my problems go deeper than someone who lost their pet guinea pig or something, but it's not therapy unless you go into the deep shit. I don't know why someone like that would even become a therapist if they weren't ready to engage in talks about death and despair.

I'm sorry about that. It's like falling down a black, bottomless hole when the only one who can help won't. She didn't refer? Just washed her hands of it? I'm sorry. A good therapist is hard to find.

 

[outatime_85]

I'm really sorry. That sounds like a pretty shitty therapist, and quite a bit seem to want to do the bare minimum.

I've been in therapy for years but it really seems like it's trial and error to find a good one, which sucks because it shouldn't have to be that way.

If you're still interested in help, I hope you can find someone who really knows what they're doing and more importantly, wants to.

It seems in today's world, finding a decent psychiatrist is like finding a good Irish whiskey.

 

[jupiterwinds]

I've been there. Either they tell me upfront I'm too much or end up gaslighting me with toxic positivity bullshit to the point where I have to tell them my life fucking sucks and they clearly can't handle it so they cope by trying to make systemic and physical issues I experience seem less horrible. I'm really sorry. I had to stop therapy indefinitely. I tried it for literal decades and it did more harm than good as a disabled and chronically ill person. It's designed for privileged rich people who don't have real problems to convince them everything is great. It's not for people with real stuff going on.

 

[Himalayan]

My workplace offers a free trial to an online mental health service. I decided to take advantage of it because I hadn't been receiving constructive help from my local therapist I had been seeing for about 6 months.

Today I got into an hour-long video session with this therapist (after being on a waitlist for 3 months). Things started off casually, and she asked me questions about my family, and what hobbies I have; innocuous things like that. Then she asked me if I had ever made concrete plans to take my own life. I told her I had, and I owned a substance that I could use to end my life if I needed to. Her eyes got really big when I described some of the suicide methods I'd researched, and how it's comforting to have a substance that I can use for a relatively peaceful death. I could tell as the conversation went on that she was struggling to come up with things to say the more I went into detail about how I was feeling, and how much thought I had put into ending my life.

She stops me at one point, and says, "You know…these sessions are supposed to be for short-term things I can help you with. There is a lot to unpack here. I can try to help you as much as I can, but it sounds like you're struggling a lot."

(I mean…yes? That's why I reached out to a therapist.)

"We can have further sessions if you want, but I don't know how much I can do. Are there any other therapists in your area that you'd feel comfortable talking to?" I told her that I could try to find a different one, and she told me that I could schedule another appointment with her, but that there were "no guarantees" that she could offer the help I needed.

This situation would almost be comically funny to me if I wasn't in desperate need of help. I waited three months for this…If I had known what online therapy was like, I wouldn't have done this at all. The last thing you want to hear from a therapist is "your problems are too big to solve"—at least that's how I interpreted it. I could tell she that she started to disengage the moment I went into detail about suicide and how hopeless and empty my life had become. She was having "fun" at the start of the conversation, and towards the end I could tell she was getting shaken and uncomfortable by the casual way I was discussing my CTB methods.

It's unfortunate that this experience isn't entirely new to me. I have had other therapists before that wanted to get away with the "paid friend" bullshit and talk to someone as they would talk over a cup of coffee at a restaurant. I'm sorry that my problems go deeper than someone who lost their pet guinea pig or something, but it's not therapy unless you go into the deep shit. I don't know why someone like that would even become a therapist if they weren't ready to engage in talks about death and despair.

At least she was respectful

 

[makethepainstop]

It seems in today's world, finding a decent psychiatrist is like finding a good Irish whiskey.

I called our local suicide and crises center trying to get help for depression. I was told it will be 4-6 MONTHS, before they could see me! I told them Nevermind, I'll be dead by then! So they all cry oh your can't suicide, that's not the thing to do. But when you are desperately seeking help, they can't be bothered. Fail, Unusual, Common, Kindnesses them all. (Some of us will figure out what meant.) Love to all here. I

 

[Hollowillow]

My workplace offers a free trial to an online mental health service. I decided to take advantage of it because I hadn't been receiving constructive help from my local therapist I had been seeing for about 6 months.

Today I got into an hour-long video session with this therapist (after being on a waitlist for 3 months). Things started off casually, and she asked me questions about my family, and what hobbies I have; innocuous things like that. Then she asked me if I had ever made concrete plans to take my own life. I told her I had, and I owned a substance that I could use to end my life if I needed to. Her eyes got really big when I described some of the suicide methods I'd researched, and how it's comforting to have a substance that I can use for a relatively peaceful death. I could tell as the conversation went on that she was struggling to come up with things to say the more I went into detail about how I was feeling, and how much thought I had put into ending my life.

She stops me at one point, and says, "You know…these sessions are supposed to be for short-term things I can help you with. There is a lot to unpack here. I can try to help you as much as I can, but it sounds like you're struggling a lot."

(I mean…yes? That's why I reached out to a therapist.)

"We can have further sessions if you want, but I don't know how much I can do. Are there any other therapists in your area that you'd feel comfortable talking to?" I told her that I could try to find a different one, and she told me that I could schedule another appointment with her, but that there were "no guarantees" that she could offer the help I needed.

This situation would almost be comically funny to me if I wasn't in desperate need of help. I waited three months for this…If I had known what online therapy was like, I wouldn't have done this at all. The last thing you want to hear from a therapist is "your problems are too big to solve"—at least that's how I interpreted it. I could tell she that she started to disengage the moment I went into detail about suicide and how hopeless and empty my life had become. She was having "fun" at the start of the conversation, and towards the end I could tell she was getting shaken and uncomfortable by the casual way I was discussing my CTB methods.

It's unfortunate that this experience isn't entirely new to me. I have had other therapists before that wanted to get away with the "paid friend" bullshit and talk to someone as they would talk over a cup of coffee at a restaurant. I'm sorry that my problems go deeper than someone who lost their pet guinea pig or something, but it's not therapy unless you go into the deep shit. I don't know why someone like that would even become a therapist if they weren't ready to engage in talks about death and despair.

Hahaha! You have such an honest and funny way to calmly say stuff for what they truly are. You have more insight than them. Anybody hete would make a better therapist because we don't fear talking about death.

Is your avatar a wolf? I want to be friends! Pm me?

Oh god you're a mod, now I look like a butt kisser to not be banned for the dumb shit I say to cope...

Please have mercy?

 

[Forever Sleep]

They are also unable to manage mental health crisis' and the risk of losing a client to suicide would really be a risk for their business relationship with the employer. They simply don't want to take that risk.

That's what went through my mind too- that it might make them 'look bad' if you went ahead and ctb. It's terrible really but I think this blame culture we have now makes people unwilling to take the chance to even try and help.

I called our local suicide and crises center trying to get help for depression. I was told it will be 4-6 MONTHS, before they could see me! I told them Nevermind, I'll be dead by then! So they all cry oh your can't suicide, that's not the thing to do. But when you are desperately seeking help, they can't be bothered. Fail, Unusual, Common, Kindnesses them all. (Some of us will figure out what meant.) Love to all here. I

That's frightening. You get the impression help is readily available with all the hotlines plastered everywhere at the mere hint of suicide. It's so sad to hear that genuine help isn't there for people who ask for it.

That actually reminds me of something that happened near my parents. An elderly man rang the police to say he was being burgled. They said- we can't get somewhere there for 30-45 minutes. So he hung up then rang back 5 minutes later and said- 'Not to worry- I've shot them.' They got someone round in minutes. (He hadn't really shot them).

 

[wljourney]

That actually reminds me of something that happened near my parents. An elderly man rang the police to say he was being burgled. They said- we can't get somewhere there for 30-45 minutes. So he hung up then rang back 5 minutes later and said- 'Not to worry- I've shot them.' They got someone round in minutes. (He hadn't really shot them).

OMG that's hilarious. Did that really happen or is it an urban myth?

 

[Forever Sleep]

OMG that's hilarious. Did that really happen or is it an urban myth?

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. My Dad told me the story. The way I remember it, it was someone local to him but I might have remembered it wrong. There are quite a few amusing stories of quirky residents near them. Another one was a house and land owner who kept being hounded by local developers for their land. They held out and bequeathed the land to the National Trust when they died- so that it could never be built on. Love stories like that. Do have a lovely one about a resident in the Lake District if you want to hear it but kind of conscious I'm derailing the thread. Let me know though and I'll share.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

My workplace offers a free trial to an online mental health service. I decided to take advantage of it because I hadn't been receiving constructive help from my local therapist I had been seeing for about 6 months.

Today I got into an hour-long video session with this therapist (after being on a waitlist for 3 months). Things started off casually, and she asked me questions about my family, and what hobbies I have; innocuous things like that. Then she asked me if I had ever made concrete plans to take my own life. I told her I had, and I owned a substance that I could use to end my life if I needed to. Her eyes got really big when I described some of the suicide methods I'd researched, and how it's comforting to have a substance that I can use for a relatively peaceful death. I could tell as the conversation went on that she was struggling to come up with things to say the more I went into detail about how I was feeling, and how much thought I had put into ending my life.

She stops me at one point, and says, "You know…these sessions are supposed to be for short-term things I can help you with. There is a lot to unpack here. I can try to help you as much as I can, but it sounds like you're struggling a lot."

(I mean…yes? That's why I reached out to a therapist.)

"We can have further sessions if you want, but I don't know how much I can do. Are there any other therapists in your area that you'd feel comfortable talking to?" I told her that I could try to find a different one, and she told me that I could schedule another appointment with her, but that there were "no guarantees" that she could offer the help I needed.

This situation would almost be comically funny to me if I wasn't in desperate need of help. I waited three months for this…If I had known what online therapy was like, I wouldn't have done this at all. The last thing you want to hear from a therapist is "your problems are too big to solve"—at least that's how I interpreted it. I could tell she that she started to disengage the moment I went into detail about suicide and how hopeless and empty my life had become. She was having "fun" at the start of the conversation, and towards the end I could tell she was getting shaken and uncomfortable by the casual way I was discussing my CTB methods.

It's unfortunate that this experience isn't entirely new to me. I have had other therapists before that wanted to get away with the "paid friend" bullshit and talk to someone as they would talk over a cup of coffee at a restaurant. I'm sorry that my problems go deeper than someone who lost their pet guinea pig or something, but it's not therapy unless you go into the deep shit. I don't know why someone like that would even become a therapist if they weren't ready to engage in talks about death and despair.

Good F'ing grief. People suck. Especially that particular therapist. Damn

 

[akirat9]

Are there any other therapists in your area that you'd feel comfortable talking to?"

this be my que take my SN if said to me
no hesitation
is waste of time stepping into office

Good F'ing grief. People suck. Especially that particular therapist. Damn

i say talking not do anything, need physical result
like would be better if was paid for time in therapy ?

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Talking to a therapist I said too much once and ended up in a week of "voluntary" confinement in a phych ward. I learned never to say anything about how I really feel to anyone. Ever.

 

[WorldRoamer]

That's sad as therapist should be the person providing as much help as possible.

It's sometimes that people that are labeled as therapists are not ready for the job and expect that they would deal only with simple cases.

At least here she admited that she don't have skills or knowledge to help instead of pretending to help.

If you have a desire to work through theraphy then don't be discouraged by this situation.
I know its difficult to find right therapist but there are some that are professionals and might provide help.

 

[darkwaters]

Look at it this way; she may have a limited skill set especially if she's just a regular counselor who helps people deal with small self limited problems. She's being honest with you that your problems are complex enough to the point where you may need to find someone more trained to help you. It's the same way a standard therapist may refer someone with say history of severe childhood sexual abuse who is struggling to a therapist who specializes with that specific issue because that topic can require a special skill set to really treat. Or someone with a crippling and chronic eating disorder may need help from a specialist, and a regular therapist may not have the tools to help them. I wouldn't take it personally, it just means you have an issue that for whatever reason she doesn't have the skills to treat, and I wouldn't take that as a sign that you're some irredeemably fucked up person because the therapist you were speaking to sounds like one that is just a counselor for minor problems. She probably refers out anyone with actual clinical depression or anxiety.