After ruminating about my own life, a lot of reading in this forum, and some valuable conversations in private messages, I found some common patterns that lead me to develop my own theory about depression.
What is depression?
There are many forms of depression in ICD-10 and DSM-5, and all of them are distinguished by their symptoms, but there are some symptoms that are common in all forms. They include:
Theories about a chemical imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain could never be proven and are most likely nothing more than a myth (https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/debunking-two-chemical-imbalance-myths-again).
What causes depression?
More often than not, depressive people lack connection to other people. In the most extreme cases, these individuals don't have any social contacts at all; in other cases, people might have relationships, but they are not satisfied with them (for example, they often feel fooled by their friends, don't form deep connections with them or otherwise).
Most people suffer from feeling disconnected, out of place, and not belonging anywhere.
The reasons for this can be of different natures, causes or symptoms, but in the end, it more often than not boils down to "being different", being "awkward" in social situations, lacking trust in other people, etc. This, in turn, makes connections to other people – be it platonic or romantic – almost impossible. Yet, as humans, we naturally crave this feeling of belonging. Experiencing "abandonment" from social groups inevitably triggers our bodies' fear-of-death mode. However, there is no "real" threat in our modern society. Most likely, you have shelter and food. Hence, we attach the label "depression" to such a state.
As a result of the feeling of not belonging anywhere, people fail to find pleasure and joy in activities. The small pleasures of life, such as having a walk in nature, a cup of ice cream on a Wednesday at noon or listening to the birds in the morning, cannot be enjoyed if someone feels out of place. There is a lot of joy to these things; however, if only there were the feeling of belonging somewhere.
To me, it seems that the "illness of depression" absolutely neglects its root cause, which is abandonment.
Abandonment, in that sense, does not necessarily mean that people treat you badly. I can mean that people turn away from a depressive person because this person acts "awkward" or spreads a negative mood. Abandonment from its tribe is a death sentence for any social animal (including humans). That's why depression is – in my opinion – not an illness but the normal biological response. In our modern civilisation, it's just not beneficial: In the animal kingdom, for the sake of evolution, it's better if an abandoned individual becomes lethargic, does not reproduce and serves as food for other animals higher in the food chain. That does not apply to modern civilisation. There could be a chance to re-connect – if someone overcomes the lethargy. (In a way depression is as normal as being obese: Without modern society, storage of excess food consumption is a good thing. Just the abundance of food makes it counterproductive for humans.)
How to treat depression?
That being said, every therapy that targets treating depression is doomed to fail. Most likely, antidepressants have no effect at all. Most likely, any other therapy that tries to "reconnect" you with feelings of joy is doomed to fail, either. Here is why: The most common advice that you'll probably get is to start enjoying things for their own sake, just for you. That is just another way of saying "enjoy solitude".
Solitude, however, in contrast to loneliness, implies a choice. The choice of seeking company or pursuing things on your own.
Most people here feel they don't have this choice. Because they feel people turning away from them (either because they're socially awkward, don't trust people, or feel they cannot provide good company for others). In turn, "enjoying solitude" is impossible for these individuals. Because it would mean "enjoy loneliness". Loneliness is something that cannot be enjoyed. It's fundamentally against our brain's needs. "Normal" people simply cannot feel the pain and struggle it causes to build and keep relationships and eventually lose them.
Again, any treatment of "depression" that targets "improving quality of life" or "alleviating symptoms" is doomed to fail. In some cases, it can make it worse for two reasons: First, it may distract you from addressing the underlying root cause, and second, if you're using antidepressants, you'll most likely get nothing but side effects (which ironically include all forms of depressive symptoms).
In the case of antidepressants, a 2022 meta-analysis of 232 randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled trials that were submitted to the FDA between 1979 and 2016 found that antidepressants are de facto useless – only 15% of patients benefited from them. (https://www.bmj.com/content/378/bmj-2021-067606)
The only way therapy could work is by trying to train someone to build relationships with other people. And then we must go out in the world, hoping to find the "right" people. "Right" people are the ones we admire and that accept us. Just meeting someone who is nice to you but doesn't share a common interest, or that we ourselves for some reason or another, don't "like" are not the right people for us. We would again feel abandoned because we would constantly be craving "better" friends or partners. People that we crave to have a connection to.
Let me know what you think. Can you relate?
What is depression?
There are many forms of depression in ICD-10 and DSM-5, and all of them are distinguished by their symptoms, but there are some symptoms that are common in all forms. They include:
- tiredness
- the feeling of emptiness
- over– or under-eating
- depressed mood (obviously)
- and more
Theories about a chemical imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain could never be proven and are most likely nothing more than a myth (https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/debunking-two-chemical-imbalance-myths-again).
What causes depression?
More often than not, depressive people lack connection to other people. In the most extreme cases, these individuals don't have any social contacts at all; in other cases, people might have relationships, but they are not satisfied with them (for example, they often feel fooled by their friends, don't form deep connections with them or otherwise).
Most people suffer from feeling disconnected, out of place, and not belonging anywhere.
The reasons for this can be of different natures, causes or symptoms, but in the end, it more often than not boils down to "being different", being "awkward" in social situations, lacking trust in other people, etc. This, in turn, makes connections to other people – be it platonic or romantic – almost impossible. Yet, as humans, we naturally crave this feeling of belonging. Experiencing "abandonment" from social groups inevitably triggers our bodies' fear-of-death mode. However, there is no "real" threat in our modern society. Most likely, you have shelter and food. Hence, we attach the label "depression" to such a state.
As a result of the feeling of not belonging anywhere, people fail to find pleasure and joy in activities. The small pleasures of life, such as having a walk in nature, a cup of ice cream on a Wednesday at noon or listening to the birds in the morning, cannot be enjoyed if someone feels out of place. There is a lot of joy to these things; however, if only there were the feeling of belonging somewhere.
To me, it seems that the "illness of depression" absolutely neglects its root cause, which is abandonment.
Abandonment, in that sense, does not necessarily mean that people treat you badly. I can mean that people turn away from a depressive person because this person acts "awkward" or spreads a negative mood. Abandonment from its tribe is a death sentence for any social animal (including humans). That's why depression is – in my opinion – not an illness but the normal biological response. In our modern civilisation, it's just not beneficial: In the animal kingdom, for the sake of evolution, it's better if an abandoned individual becomes lethargic, does not reproduce and serves as food for other animals higher in the food chain. That does not apply to modern civilisation. There could be a chance to re-connect – if someone overcomes the lethargy. (In a way depression is as normal as being obese: Without modern society, storage of excess food consumption is a good thing. Just the abundance of food makes it counterproductive for humans.)
How to treat depression?
That being said, every therapy that targets treating depression is doomed to fail. Most likely, antidepressants have no effect at all. Most likely, any other therapy that tries to "reconnect" you with feelings of joy is doomed to fail, either. Here is why: The most common advice that you'll probably get is to start enjoying things for their own sake, just for you. That is just another way of saying "enjoy solitude".
Solitude, however, in contrast to loneliness, implies a choice. The choice of seeking company or pursuing things on your own.
Most people here feel they don't have this choice. Because they feel people turning away from them (either because they're socially awkward, don't trust people, or feel they cannot provide good company for others). In turn, "enjoying solitude" is impossible for these individuals. Because it would mean "enjoy loneliness". Loneliness is something that cannot be enjoyed. It's fundamentally against our brain's needs. "Normal" people simply cannot feel the pain and struggle it causes to build and keep relationships and eventually lose them.
Again, any treatment of "depression" that targets "improving quality of life" or "alleviating symptoms" is doomed to fail. In some cases, it can make it worse for two reasons: First, it may distract you from addressing the underlying root cause, and second, if you're using antidepressants, you'll most likely get nothing but side effects (which ironically include all forms of depressive symptoms).
In the case of antidepressants, a 2022 meta-analysis of 232 randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled trials that were submitted to the FDA between 1979 and 2016 found that antidepressants are de facto useless – only 15% of patients benefited from them. (https://www.bmj.com/content/378/bmj-2021-067606)
The only way therapy could work is by trying to train someone to build relationships with other people. And then we must go out in the world, hoping to find the "right" people. "Right" people are the ones we admire and that accept us. Just meeting someone who is nice to you but doesn't share a common interest, or that we ourselves for some reason or another, don't "like" are not the right people for us. We would again feel abandoned because we would constantly be craving "better" friends or partners. People that we crave to have a connection to.
Let me know what you think. Can you relate?
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It's really cruel and so poorly understood.
