lostmylove
Specialist
- Apr 1, 2022
- 304
Long post. This is the letter I'm going to leave on side of my bed when i CTB.
I've been writing this for a bit of time. I think this is what im going to go with.
I am not going yet. But if you wish to give me feedback I would really appreciate that.
I've tried Not to go with the 'it's not your fault don't blame yourself too much", and try put it into a context where it shows how my decision is logical.
Anyway here's my note.
------
The more pleasurable life is, the more enjoyable things people feel are.
That's understandable as we are creatures of instinct and our instinct tell us to survive and get food, to seek shelter to reproduce to avoid danger in a prosperous civilised society.
The drive to satisfy these basic needs, expresses itself as a quest for wealth, enjoyment and for comfort.
1 Thousand years ago our ancestors also seeked out wealth, enjoyment and for comfort; but they didn't also believe these things where quite as important as most people today think they are.
They where aware how temporary life is, and they reached out for things that where beyond wealth, comfort and pleasure.
Things witch to them seemed to have more real meaning. I remember a few lines of poetry witch expressed this feeling in Scandinavia back in the viking age.
Those lines are:
Cattle die and kinsmen die, and so you'll die yourself some day
But I know but one thing I know that never dies: the fame of a dead mans deeds
For our ancestors 1000 years ago, Cattle where wealth, and kinsmen where power and although they seek these things as we do today they understood that they where transitory, they understood this was not permanent.
The only thing that they knew where permanent is the mark that one makes on the world with their deeds.
Perhaps time has made us lose sight of this very important thing our ancestors understood so well.
I think they seen their individual life in the wider context of life, they where unlikely to slip into the folly of believing they where going to live forever.
So being constantly aware of the reality and inevitability of death, they where more concerned than we are to use their lives more effectively and to give lasting meaning to them.
So they can have permanent life.
What has happened in my case is that my quest has come to an end.
There is nothing more can be done in life.
When I look at it in this context, I can be rather happy of what I have done.
Instead of being upset it's finished, and that things will never go back to the way they where. Choosing to have death is a final token of being remembered.
I want to go out happy knowing that I have finished what I was meant to do. I do not want to carry on drifting along trying to reshape or start again in my life.
I have completed what I was meant to do.
Instead of being upset I could not continue doing what I was doing.
Coming to peace with my efforts and granting myself acceptance that this is my calling in life and all I can achieve helps me make peace.
My mission in life was to look after my partner.
I tried my best with this, I did my duty and I tried to forge a life ahead with him.
Now my partner, my love of my life, my second half of me is gone. I get to go with him and have my eternal reward and see him again.
There is nothing that could be greater than my time with him. If life is destined to be worse and a struggle, why would I continue.
There is no logical or spiritual basis in going forward with a life that can't be rebuilt and has reached it's peak.
I want to be remembered now by my actions of loving him. There is nothing more I wanted than to be with him.
It's not fair on me to be expected to wait to see my love again because a society, that has lost their way has strayed far from not only the truth about life.
But strayed so badly down the path of selflessness and hate.
I love my beautiful partner, If you are reading this and if love me.
Be happy with my decision, do not blame yourself.
Continuing your life to reach the happiness you desire would make me happy.
Just as I am now happy I get to see my love again.
I've been writing this for a bit of time. I think this is what im going to go with.
I am not going yet. But if you wish to give me feedback I would really appreciate that.
I've tried Not to go with the 'it's not your fault don't blame yourself too much", and try put it into a context where it shows how my decision is logical.
Anyway here's my note.
------
The more pleasurable life is, the more enjoyable things people feel are.
That's understandable as we are creatures of instinct and our instinct tell us to survive and get food, to seek shelter to reproduce to avoid danger in a prosperous civilised society.
The drive to satisfy these basic needs, expresses itself as a quest for wealth, enjoyment and for comfort.
1 Thousand years ago our ancestors also seeked out wealth, enjoyment and for comfort; but they didn't also believe these things where quite as important as most people today think they are.
They where aware how temporary life is, and they reached out for things that where beyond wealth, comfort and pleasure.
Things witch to them seemed to have more real meaning. I remember a few lines of poetry witch expressed this feeling in Scandinavia back in the viking age.
Those lines are:
Cattle die and kinsmen die, and so you'll die yourself some day
But I know but one thing I know that never dies: the fame of a dead mans deeds
For our ancestors 1000 years ago, Cattle where wealth, and kinsmen where power and although they seek these things as we do today they understood that they where transitory, they understood this was not permanent.
The only thing that they knew where permanent is the mark that one makes on the world with their deeds.
Perhaps time has made us lose sight of this very important thing our ancestors understood so well.
I think they seen their individual life in the wider context of life, they where unlikely to slip into the folly of believing they where going to live forever.
So being constantly aware of the reality and inevitability of death, they where more concerned than we are to use their lives more effectively and to give lasting meaning to them.
So they can have permanent life.
What has happened in my case is that my quest has come to an end.
There is nothing more can be done in life.
When I look at it in this context, I can be rather happy of what I have done.
Instead of being upset it's finished, and that things will never go back to the way they where. Choosing to have death is a final token of being remembered.
I want to go out happy knowing that I have finished what I was meant to do. I do not want to carry on drifting along trying to reshape or start again in my life.
I have completed what I was meant to do.
Instead of being upset I could not continue doing what I was doing.
Coming to peace with my efforts and granting myself acceptance that this is my calling in life and all I can achieve helps me make peace.
My mission in life was to look after my partner.
I tried my best with this, I did my duty and I tried to forge a life ahead with him.
Now my partner, my love of my life, my second half of me is gone. I get to go with him and have my eternal reward and see him again.
There is nothing that could be greater than my time with him. If life is destined to be worse and a struggle, why would I continue.
There is no logical or spiritual basis in going forward with a life that can't be rebuilt and has reached it's peak.
I want to be remembered now by my actions of loving him. There is nothing more I wanted than to be with him.
It's not fair on me to be expected to wait to see my love again because a society, that has lost their way has strayed far from not only the truth about life.
But strayed so badly down the path of selflessness and hate.
I love my beautiful partner, If you are reading this and if love me.
Be happy with my decision, do not blame yourself.
Continuing your life to reach the happiness you desire would make me happy.
Just as I am now happy I get to see my love again.
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