My suicide is inevitable

[oneticketforthebus]

Im 18m
I don't see myself living to 19.
When I was 9, I was molested and raped by a male nanny
This continued until I was 14

It repeats in my head over and over all the time
I can never not think about it
My existence shouldn't be existing
Im being tortured

I don't sleep a lot
I don't eat
The sensation of chewing reminds me
5'9 98pnds

I will go to a beautiful, secluded area during the sunset
I will have my gas mask and helium tank ready
My last breaths will be painless

 

[FuneralCry]

That truly is so cruel and horrible to me, I hope you find peace from this torturous existence, to me there's so much cruelty in how there's all this suffering.

 

[mythofsisyphus]

I cannot being to express how sorry I am that this has happened to you - how utterly cruel and messed up it is. I won't pretend to understand how much you're suffering because of this, but I can only imagine it is immense.

It sounds like you're very desperate for the pain to stop, which I understand - of course you do. If you could stop this pain, would you want to live? Have you explored all other options that might do this for you, before you make this final decision? The choice is yours, and yours alone, but know there may be hope for this pain to stop, without your life having to end.