My Suicide Attempt Yesterday

[Burden_Bailey]

Yesterday was agonizing. I tried to hang myself, committed to die this time. I had stayed on the rope for an entire minute before the pain became so much, I took the rope off. It was so painful I was clawing at the floor uncontrollably. (It was partial, of course.) After the attempt I looked in the mirror and saw my half-dead face. It was horrifying. It was like all the light had left my eyes. I could barely think or even pick anything up. I was barely even able to control my body, because my brain was so disconnected from the rest of my body. Since all the blood was trapped in my head, it felt like there was blood clogging my ears and nose. My body felt tingly, and my head and neck hurt so much. I've mostly physically recovered from the attempt, though. I'm very surprised I'm not dead. I really tried as hard as I could. So, that's what happened yesterday.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

That sounds awful. :( Partial seems really difficult

 

[Burden_Bailey]

That sounds awful. :( Partial seems really difficult

Thank you. It is harder than it seems at first.

 

[Worndown]

Partial is easy to do but very difficult to succeed. The pressure is often too light and the escape too easy. I am sorry you experienced this.

 

[breezeboy]

Im sorry you suffered like that. Do you think intoxicating yourself would help or were you already?

 

[Burden_Bailey]

Partial is easy to do but very difficult to succeed. The pressure is often too light and the escape too easy. I am sorry you experienced this.

Thank you. I agree that it is easy to start, but never easy to stay on the rope until you are dead.

Im sorry you suffered like that. Do you think intoxicating yourself would help or were you already?

Thank you very much. I tried taking painkillers, but I don't think I can get my hands on alcohol. And if I could, it would feel ashaming for me to be intoxicated in my last moments.

 

[breezeboy]

Thank you very much. I tried taking painkillers, but I don't think I can get my hands on alcohol. And if I could, it would feel ashaming for me to be intoxicated in my last moments.

I understand.
I hope things work out for you how you want them to

 

[Abyssal]

While not always said around here: it's nice to hear from you again. It's clear you've had your eyes on hanging for a while, so it must really suck to have your ideal method fail you like this. As Worndown stated, partial is difficult to succeed, so don't beat yourself up over this at all. If you were hanging there for so long, I'd imagine you'd done something incorrectly/chose the hard way of hanging. Sounds like you crushed the windpipe a bit too much, but the tingling is evidence that you did hit the carotid arteries in some way.

Few people can build up the strength to take their own life, so don't view yourself as weak for failing. Also, despite the fact that this is a suicide forum where second attempts are common, don't feel this you have to try again if you don't wish to. Take a break and use this time to truly determine where to go from here. Remember that we are here for in both suicide discussion and recovery.

 

[Mea Culpa]

Hanging is very scary, no matter partial or full. I've been trying for full myself. I got close but scared as well. Itll be good to take a little break from it. Give yourself some time to recover and process.

 

[Endoflifecomestoall]

Yesterday was agonizing. I tried to hang myself, committed to die this time. I had stayed on the rope for an entire minute before the pain became so much, I took the rope off. It was so painful I was clawing at the floor uncontrollably. (It was partial, of course.) After the attempt I looked in the mirror and saw my half-dead face. It was horrifying. It was like all the light had left my eyes. I could barely think or even pick anything up. I was barely even able to control my body, because my brain was so disconnected from the rest of my body. Since all the blood was trapped in my head, it felt like there was blood clogging my ears and nose. My body felt tingly, and my head and neck hurt so much. I've mostly physically recovered from the attempt, though. I'm very surprised I'm not dead. I really tried as hard as I could. So, that's what happened yesterday.

It sounds horrific. What recovery method are you using?

 

[no-name9859472882]

While not always said around here: it's nice to hear from you again. It's clear you've had your eyes on hanging for a while, so it must really suck to have your ideal method fail you like this. As Worndown stated, partial is difficult to succeed, so don't beat yourself up over this at all. If you were hanging there for so long, I'd imagine you'd done something incorrectly/chose the hard way of hanging. Sounds like you crushed the windpipe a bit too much, but the tingling is evidence that you did hit the carotid arteries in some way.

Few people can build up the strength to take their own life, so don't view yourself as weak for failing. Also, despite the fact that this is a suicide forum where second attempts are common, don't feel this you have to try again if you don't wish to. Take a break and use this time to truly determine where to go from here. Remember that we are here for in both suicide discussion and recovery.

He would be better off getting N tbh, partial hanging kinda sucks imo

 

[Burden_Bailey]

While not always said around here: it's nice to hear from you again. It's clear you've had your eyes on hanging for a while, so it must really suck to have your ideal method fail you like this. As Worndown stated, partial is difficult to succeed, so don't beat yourself up over this at all. If you were hanging there for so long, I'd imagine you'd done something incorrectly/chose the hard way of hanging. Sounds like you crushed the windpipe a bit too much, but the tingling is evidence that you did hit the carotid arteries in some way.

Few people can build up the strength to take their own life, so don't view yourself as weak for failing. Also, despite the fact that this is a suicide forum where second attempts are common, don't feel this you have to try again if you don't wish to. Take a break and use this time to truly determine where to go from here. Remember that we are here for in both suicide discussion and recovery.

Thank you. (Also, I'm so happy you responded to my post! You are actually one of my favorite users on here.)

I have wanted to do hanging for a while. I can't get my hands on sn or any fancy stuff like that. Hanging is the only thing I can get my hands on that will not traumatize whoever finds me. No blood, no guts. I really like that. I don't want whoever finds me to see my body splattered on the floor. After all, the reason I want to CTB in the first place is for those around me. If I were to do a violent method, it'd be like punching them while giving them a gift.

I do believe I did something wrong, though. I'll have to research hanging more. Actually, I don't think I can attempt again to soon, because I broke the door I was hanging on.

I don't care much about recovery. I want to CTB for two reasons, because life is too agonizing and I can't go through with it anymore AND because I'm a burden and my family would be better off without me. So, even if I do recover, that's only half of the reason I want to CTB.

It sounds horrific. What recovery method are you using?

Thank you. It truly felt horrific.
Not really much. I've just been trying to get more sleep. I'm in the middle of exams, so I can't focus much on recovery.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a horrible experience, I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing, I find it so cruel how we cannot just have the option to easily die in peace. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Burden_Bailey]

That sounds like such a horrible experience, I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing, I find it so cruel how we cannot just have the option to easily die in peace. But anyway best wishes.

Thank you, FuneralCry. I am very honored for you to have replied to me. You are a very important member. I wish you luck with all of your plans.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you failed your attempt. It's not as easy as it looks like, unfortunately. I wish you a quick recovery.

 

[Burden_Bailey]

I'm sorry you failed your attempt. It's not as easy as it looks like, unfortunately. I wish you a quick recovery.

Thank you.
I felt so weak, flailing around while being hung by the rope. But I still didn't die.