Hi everyone,
I just want to post my story and ask for your advice. My wife and I had been married for over 10 years when she told me that she wanted to separate last October. I had no idea about this and I thought we were fine. We have three kids together. She said that she wanted to separate, then did not want to separate then did again. She then persuaded me to start looking for rooms to rent and pushed me to accept the first room that I saw even though it did not feel right. A week before I was due to move out she announced her feelings for another man (which never happened in the end) and that she had support from her friends and family for him. That week really crushed me as I felt like she was pushing me out so he could move in. I was so angry and so alone during that time. At Christmas she pushed me out of the front door saying that I could not be there when the kids were not there even though it was my house. I heard her mum asking her if she wanted them to stay until I left because "it is well within your rights to do so" like I was some kind of threat. That was after I found out that the kids were going to stay with her parents for a few days which cut into my time with them. She did not tell me about those plans and I had to find out from our kids. I felt like I was no longer relevant and that all decisions were being made without me. The way she casually talked about our divorce as if it was just another thing to get past really hurt. Then in January she asked me why I was so grumpy. That question really threw me as I thought that, along with everything else, showed a complete lack of empathy for my situation and what I was going though. It seemed to me that she was forgetting that there were two people affected by all this. That she was only concerned about herself. I would sit in my room alone with no one to talk to and only netflix to keep me company. All the while I felt like she didn't give a damn about me, the man who gave her three children, the one who enabled her to buy a house, the one who stood by her. Yes I had made mistakes, yes I had my problems but so did she and I stood by her even though I may have not have shown it she was the love of my life and she decided that I needed to leave and I had no say in the matter. At no point did she reveal her doubts to me, doubts that she apparently had for years. She did not suggest marriage counselling or any help for both of us. She just kept it to herself hoping something would change. Now she is living in my house, sleeping in my bed, raising my kids and I'm not there. The kids are growing up without me.
I feel like I have lost my best friend, the person I could always count on to be there for me, the one that was always there at the end of the day. I may not have talked or shared much but it was an enormous comfort to me to know that she was always there. I forgave her for her mistakes so I felt like we were a strong team despite all our faults. We survived a lot of bad patches so I could never figure out why we could not survive this.
I will never understand or accept the situation and I could never live with the knowledge of her living with another man in my house, raising my kids. I am always tormented by those images. She keeps saying that I am a nice guy and that it was not me that was the problem but she felt trapped and suffocated by rules or something. But if she felt trapped with me and I'm not the problem then she will feel the same in any relationship. So if she was dating again then why could it not be me? What was wrong with me? We had both changed but she seemed so resistant to the idea. I could never understand her reasons. It was only a few days ago that she apologized to me for everything. The only hope that sustained me was the small hope that we would get back together and that hope is now gone so I have nothing to go on for. She is fine without me. The kids are being taken care of. I can't even provide child support for them so I am no longer the provider. They adapted to the separation and they will adapt to this. After all I am hardly together with them. All I am is a burden, a waste of space and a financial strain.
Sorry for the big post but I am done with life. I can't even imagine what life is like tomorrow let alone a few years. I feel nothing inside. Sometimes I might feel a spark of joy or happiness but that is quickly extinguished leaving nothing again. I want to leave this world. I have already written my note and I tried hanging but that just felt uncomfortable and scary to me so I want to try carbon monoxide. I want to buy two of these https://www.bunnings.co.nz/samba-disposable-bbq-grill_p00307750, burn them until no more smoke, put them into my car, get in myself and drink some alcohol.
I don't know when I will leave but I guess I'm just waiting until something else drives me over the edge. I appreciate your advice.
Sorry for the big post and thank you for reading.
I just want to post my story and ask for your advice. My wife and I had been married for over 10 years when she told me that she wanted to separate last October. I had no idea about this and I thought we were fine. We have three kids together. She said that she wanted to separate, then did not want to separate then did again. She then persuaded me to start looking for rooms to rent and pushed me to accept the first room that I saw even though it did not feel right. A week before I was due to move out she announced her feelings for another man (which never happened in the end) and that she had support from her friends and family for him. That week really crushed me as I felt like she was pushing me out so he could move in. I was so angry and so alone during that time. At Christmas she pushed me out of the front door saying that I could not be there when the kids were not there even though it was my house. I heard her mum asking her if she wanted them to stay until I left because "it is well within your rights to do so" like I was some kind of threat. That was after I found out that the kids were going to stay with her parents for a few days which cut into my time with them. She did not tell me about those plans and I had to find out from our kids. I felt like I was no longer relevant and that all decisions were being made without me. The way she casually talked about our divorce as if it was just another thing to get past really hurt. Then in January she asked me why I was so grumpy. That question really threw me as I thought that, along with everything else, showed a complete lack of empathy for my situation and what I was going though. It seemed to me that she was forgetting that there were two people affected by all this. That she was only concerned about herself. I would sit in my room alone with no one to talk to and only netflix to keep me company. All the while I felt like she didn't give a damn about me, the man who gave her three children, the one who enabled her to buy a house, the one who stood by her. Yes I had made mistakes, yes I had my problems but so did she and I stood by her even though I may have not have shown it she was the love of my life and she decided that I needed to leave and I had no say in the matter. At no point did she reveal her doubts to me, doubts that she apparently had for years. She did not suggest marriage counselling or any help for both of us. She just kept it to herself hoping something would change. Now she is living in my house, sleeping in my bed, raising my kids and I'm not there. The kids are growing up without me.
I feel like I have lost my best friend, the person I could always count on to be there for me, the one that was always there at the end of the day. I may not have talked or shared much but it was an enormous comfort to me to know that she was always there. I forgave her for her mistakes so I felt like we were a strong team despite all our faults. We survived a lot of bad patches so I could never figure out why we could not survive this.
I will never understand or accept the situation and I could never live with the knowledge of her living with another man in my house, raising my kids. I am always tormented by those images. She keeps saying that I am a nice guy and that it was not me that was the problem but she felt trapped and suffocated by rules or something. But if she felt trapped with me and I'm not the problem then she will feel the same in any relationship. So if she was dating again then why could it not be me? What was wrong with me? We had both changed but she seemed so resistant to the idea. I could never understand her reasons. It was only a few days ago that she apologized to me for everything. The only hope that sustained me was the small hope that we would get back together and that hope is now gone so I have nothing to go on for. She is fine without me. The kids are being taken care of. I can't even provide child support for them so I am no longer the provider. They adapted to the separation and they will adapt to this. After all I am hardly together with them. All I am is a burden, a waste of space and a financial strain.
Sorry for the big post but I am done with life. I can't even imagine what life is like tomorrow let alone a few years. I feel nothing inside. Sometimes I might feel a spark of joy or happiness but that is quickly extinguished leaving nothing again. I want to leave this world. I have already written my note and I tried hanging but that just felt uncomfortable and scary to me so I want to try carbon monoxide. I want to buy two of these https://www.bunnings.co.nz/samba-disposable-bbq-grill_p00307750, burn them until no more smoke, put them into my car, get in myself and drink some alcohol.
I don't know when I will leave but I guess I'm just waiting until something else drives me over the edge. I appreciate your advice.
Sorry for the big post and thank you for reading.
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