Hey!! I'm Meg or nutmegzz lol I've been lurking here for a couple months and now well I'm really hoping my days are officially numbered! People said I should write a memoir as a way to heal from all the bs in my life well that ain't happening sooo I'm putting a lil bit of my story out there. First off let me say I was so freaking happy to find this place!
My life was doomed from the start and I have spent 40 long years on this hell.. I in feel like I'm likely one of the older people here!
I've always been very confused as to why my parents had me in the first place.. a year before I was born i had two brothers who died within 2 months of each other.. Bobby was first he was 8 years old and he drowned in the Mississippi River I'm June then Jeffrey died in August after a long battle with leukemia he was 12.. then for some ungodly reason I was born 1 year and 2 months later by this time my dad was a raging alcoholic and my mom well she was a cheating hoebag who decided she was gonna follow my dad to bar every night and I decided at a young age that I wasn't dealing with babysitters so I was raised in bars.. I mean seriously it would be 2:30 in the morning we'd be l leaving the bar and I would be getting up in a few hours for school ugh I was around 11 when i started drinking in the bars this led to being raped by several older men..
I was 16 when I decided I wasn't having that life anymore my dad had gotten me a car well I just got in my car and drove I drove 12 hours ended up at this roach motel met the meth cook next door and moved in with him and that is where my addiction started i went from snorting meth to shooting meth to shooting coke to shooting heroin to my favorite speedballs!
Im gonna skip around a little bit here but basically I had my daughter Rayna when I was 18 and I kind of got my life's a little bit in check for a little bit. I got clean. I went to college. I had an amazing career I was a social worker. I love what I did, even though I paid crap and then I made the worst decision of my life. I met the piece of shit. But basically I was clean around 10 years and everything I thought was fine. However, I was wrong. The only good thing about the piece of shit was that I also had my daughter Sophie Sophie is 12 years old now. She is my sunshine, my Lil B I love her to death.
I found out that the piece of shit ex-husband was molesting and raping my older daughter Rayna and I held it together for a little over a year I did make certain that he was put away for a very long time and he was he got 25 years but you know having similar shit happen to me made me feel like the biggest failure
I couldn't protect her!! So I relapsed and I've been on that binge since it's been 7-8 years
I'm gonna skip thru a lot and get to the point of my being here.. so even though my addiction has been ruling my life I have maintained a super close relationship with Sophie. Rayna and I have had s very rocky relationship. I abandoned her with my mom When she needed me most.. she has blamed me for everything she has been extremely mean to me.. recently she had guardianship of Sophie well then she had a baby and taking care of Sophie was too much for her and she decides to leave Sophie's fate with complete strangers even tho there are plenty of willing family members the strangers currently have temporary emergency guardianship of her and I have family members fighting for her.. I have not talked to Sophie in months they won't let her talk to me or any family it's insane!! I made a will that will ensure upon my death Sophie is with her family!!! So that is part of it.. the other part I'm just tired y'all I've had enough! I've been on this crazy crack and fenny binge for almost a year this is how my week goes I sleep 24-48 hours and then go back to the binge..
So actually my hubby and I are planning on doing it together and we're going with charcoal and tent im hoping I've done my research for it!! Another reason im so happy I found this place hubby was certain a car would do it.. he's still thinking if the catalytic converter was removed it would work but i don't want to take any chances!! I wish I could just od on the fenny but I think I'm immune I've seriously od'd about 20 times I wish one of those times had been it cause I feel that is probably the best way to go!! Stupid narcan!
Anyway I appreciate you taking the time to read my story!! I can't wait to go hopefully soon!!
My life was doomed from the start and I have spent 40 long years on this hell.. I in feel like I'm likely one of the older people here!
I've always been very confused as to why my parents had me in the first place.. a year before I was born i had two brothers who died within 2 months of each other.. Bobby was first he was 8 years old and he drowned in the Mississippi River I'm June then Jeffrey died in August after a long battle with leukemia he was 12.. then for some ungodly reason I was born 1 year and 2 months later by this time my dad was a raging alcoholic and my mom well she was a cheating hoebag who decided she was gonna follow my dad to bar every night and I decided at a young age that I wasn't dealing with babysitters so I was raised in bars.. I mean seriously it would be 2:30 in the morning we'd be l leaving the bar and I would be getting up in a few hours for school ugh I was around 11 when i started drinking in the bars this led to being raped by several older men..
I was 16 when I decided I wasn't having that life anymore my dad had gotten me a car well I just got in my car and drove I drove 12 hours ended up at this roach motel met the meth cook next door and moved in with him and that is where my addiction started i went from snorting meth to shooting meth to shooting coke to shooting heroin to my favorite speedballs!
Im gonna skip around a little bit here but basically I had my daughter Rayna when I was 18 and I kind of got my life's a little bit in check for a little bit. I got clean. I went to college. I had an amazing career I was a social worker. I love what I did, even though I paid crap and then I made the worst decision of my life. I met the piece of shit. But basically I was clean around 10 years and everything I thought was fine. However, I was wrong. The only good thing about the piece of shit was that I also had my daughter Sophie Sophie is 12 years old now. She is my sunshine, my Lil B I love her to death.
I found out that the piece of shit ex-husband was molesting and raping my older daughter Rayna and I held it together for a little over a year I did make certain that he was put away for a very long time and he was he got 25 years but you know having similar shit happen to me made me feel like the biggest failure
I couldn't protect her!! So I relapsed and I've been on that binge since it's been 7-8 yearsI'm gonna skip thru a lot and get to the point of my being here.. so even though my addiction has been ruling my life I have maintained a super close relationship with Sophie. Rayna and I have had s very rocky relationship. I abandoned her with my mom When she needed me most.. she has blamed me for everything she has been extremely mean to me.. recently she had guardianship of Sophie well then she had a baby and taking care of Sophie was too much for her and she decides to leave Sophie's fate with complete strangers even tho there are plenty of willing family members the strangers currently have temporary emergency guardianship of her and I have family members fighting for her.. I have not talked to Sophie in months they won't let her talk to me or any family it's insane!! I made a will that will ensure upon my death Sophie is with her family!!! So that is part of it.. the other part I'm just tired y'all I've had enough! I've been on this crazy crack and fenny binge for almost a year this is how my week goes I sleep 24-48 hours and then go back to the binge..
So actually my hubby and I are planning on doing it together and we're going with charcoal and tent im hoping I've done my research for it!! Another reason im so happy I found this place hubby was certain a car would do it.. he's still thinking if the catalytic converter was removed it would work but i don't want to take any chances!! I wish I could just od on the fenny but I think I'm immune I've seriously od'd about 20 times I wish one of those times had been it cause I feel that is probably the best way to go!! Stupid narcan!
Anyway I appreciate you taking the time to read my story!! I can't wait to go hopefully soon!!
