Story My story of getting bullied, the most humiliating moment ever in my life?

[GoodPersonEffed]

Sorry, if I am bothering you with messages. It, it just feels good to talk to someone. Specially about things that have bothered you since you were young.
You see, it is not only the humiliation I experienced that bothers me. But a feeling of, How easily a person can beat me. Even cripple me for life, even if they are weaker than me.'

I wish I was as strong as you, getting over things is just impossible for me. You see, it FEELS TO ME that the only reasonable thing is that "she won the day, and she won forever" and that exactly is the reason for my pain. I wish I could talk to her face to face, and she could just say 'I am sorry'. That would make me feel slightly better. But it would not help me with my paranoia and it in itself will only be slightly helpful as it can not undo what was done. Even that is unlikely since I have no contanct with her, or with anyone from school.

I think it's very powerful that you are talking about it here and that you got it off your chest. I'm glad you shared it.

 

[Dreamless Sleep]

First... I want to say I'm very sorry for the bullying you went through. No kid should have to go through that but sadly many do, and as we see it can have lasting effects on ones life.

This discussion hit a very raw nerve for me. I want to say I dont believe I was ever a bully. I never targeted anyone with hate or did stuff to purposely make someone feel bad, to the best of my memory. I wasn't a popular kid just hung out with the "stoner" crowd mostly.

There was a kid at highschool who was picked on quite a lot and I was involved in an incident that I will go to my grave swearing it was 100% an accident, but I did something to him that was awful and basically the entire school knew about it and thought I did it on purpose. I felt like shit and tried to apologize but it didnt matter and he hated me. I dont blame him.

I have periodically tried to look him up over the years because to this day I feel terrible about it and I want to apologize 100 times. When I read your post it makes me feel even worse, because I wonder if it affected him like you are suffering from your bullying.

Even though your bully was doing it on purpose, I hope she has grown up to feel bad about what she has done and is sitting somewhere to this day... wishing she could apologize to you.

 

[OnlyBuilt4Linxs]

I had something similar happen to me growing up. Difference between me and you though, it motivated me to start boxing and get in the gym. It also made me grow up into a violent sociopath that fights over anything to compensate for those events that happened growing up

 

[MyLifeMyChoice]

I had something similar happen to me growing up. Difference between me and you though, it motivated me to start boxing and get in the gym. It also made me grow up into a violent sociopath that fights over anything to compensate for those events that happened growing up

I can understand. Everyone is different, and it never helps to compare 2 people. They handle life events and emotions differently.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I can understand. Everyone is different, and it never helps to compare 2 people. They handle life events and emotions differently.

That's why I asked you about your own power. For me, it was not allowing another to define me and create someone different. For the other member, they connected with a power to fight back and even overpower. For some people, it could be ahimsa. For Gandhi, it was ahimsa as well as choosing to suffer for love. In Stoicism, power often comes by seeking what they can use to their advantage from any situation to benefit and therefore empower them. I could be wrong, and I admit that, but I think there is something within you that has a power to rise and meet what happened, and/or there is/are a way/s in which you can use it to your benefit (which is resilience).

Speaking about this seems to me to demonstrate moving away from it and moving forward, even just a small bit, such as getting at least some of it outside of you rather than keeping it inside. It was powerful to me that even though you had a panic attack, you returned and kept participating in the conversation. This is how I see things, but it is not for me to define you. I'm okay if you disagree with my perceptions and evaluations and, as I said, I acknowledge I could be wrong.

I apologize if I am pushing. You may not be ready for this until/if you arrive at it on your own. Feel free to tell me to back off if you're feeling uncomfortable and want me to stop, or don't respond and I'll take that as a cue.

 

[waterbottleman]

This world is not meant for weak men.

If you are a weak man you are a square peg forever trying to fit into a round hole.

It won't happen, you'll always feel unaccepted and out of place. That's because you are unaccepted and you are out of place. Nature is not nice to the runts of the pack, especially if you're the sex expected to be strong.

In order to survive in this world as a man you have to have a bit of a dark/monster side to you to be able to get the respect of other people and sexual attraction from women.

Sad but true.

 

[MyLifeMyChoice]

That's why I asked you about your own power. For me, it was not allowing another to define me and create someone different. For the other member, they connected with a power to fight back and even overpower. For some people, it could be ahimsa. For Gandhi, it was ahimsa as well as choosing to suffer for love. In Stoicism, power often comes by seeking what they can use to their advantage from any situation to benefit and therefore empower them. I could be wrong, and I admit that, but I think there is something within you that has a power to rise and meet what happened, and/or there is/are a way/s in which you can use it to your benefit (which is resilience).

Speaking about this seems to me to demonstrate moving away from it and moving forward, even just a small bit, such as getting at least some of it outside of you rather than keeping it inside. It was powerful to me that even though you had a panic attack, you returned and kept participating in the conversation. This is how I see things, but it is not for me to define you. I'm okay if you disagree with my perceptions and evaluations and, as I said, I acknowledge I could be wrong.

I apologize if I am pushing. You may not be ready for this until/if you arrive at it on your own. Feel free to tell me to back off if you're feeling uncomfortable and want me to stop, or don't respond and I'll take that as a cue.

I did wanted to talk about this, but could never get the courage. Please do not think that you are pushing, I actually like that you are talking with me.

After this event, I lost my self-confidecce so badly that I could never stand up for myself. Every time I was bullied after this event I had no courage to 'fight back' in any sense, not even to ask people to stop with a straight face, or to not even lift a hand. It just made me weaker and made it harder for me to handle future bad events, that is why it bothers me so much. It is a thing I want to get off my head, but I have been unable to do so far.

First... I want to say I'm very sorry for the bullying you went through. No kid should have to go through that but sadly many do, and as we see it can have lasting effects on ones life.

This discussion hit a very raw nerve for me. I want to say I dont believe I was ever a bully. I never targeted anyone with hate or did stuff to purposely make someone feel bad, to the best of my memory. I wasn't a popular kid just hung out with the "stoner" crowd mostly.

There was a kid at highschool who was picked on quite a lot and I was involved in an incident that I will go to my grave swearing it was 100% an accident, but I did something to him that was awful and basically the entire school knew about it and thought I did it on purpose. I felt like shit and tried to apologize but it didnt matter and he hated me. I dont blame him.

I have periodically tried to look him up over the years because to this day I feel terrible about it and I want to apologize 100 times. When I read your post it makes me feel even worse, because I wonder if it affected him like you are suffering from your bullying.

Even though your bully was doing it on purpose, I hope she has grown up to feel bad about what she has done and is sitting somewhere to this day... wishing she could apologize to you.

People often underestimate how devastating effects humiliation can have on ones life.

I do not blame you, and I understand how badly you regret it. I also hurt a person on at least one occassion that I regretted later when I was a child, and luckily I could apologize to him later day, and he forgave me. Little kids do not take offense easily, I sometimes feel that they are stronger than us grown ups. They can cry one day and forget whatever happened the other day. People get overcome with emotions easily and do things they regret, and I feel teenagers are more susceptible to it. Even if they do not admit it teenagers are still children and not fully mature, nay they are even worse, they are hormonal children.

Like I said, I lifted a fist at miss demon because I felt really offended and could not fully control my anger when she said things about my religious beliefs and said things about my mother(It was a really disgusting thing, you can ask if you want to just learn how sick of a girl she was). People here said that that was probably the reason why the situation escalated from verbal to physical and I agree with that, it may be correct. Ah, I was just 14 back then, and I got a little offended. I knew for sure it is a fight I could never win, I was a weak and really skinny person.

 

[RedDEE]

I did wanted to talk about this, but could never get the courage. Please do not think that you are pushing, I actually like that you are talking with me.

After this event, I lost my self-confidecce so badly that I could never stand up for myself. Every time I was bullied after this event I had no courage to 'fight back' in any sense, not even to ask people to stop with a straight face, or to not even lift a hand. It just made me weaker and made it harder for me to handle future bad events, that is why it bothers me so much. It is a thing I want to get off my head, but I have been unable to do so far.

You are NOT weak! You face every day with courage! You have lived this long - survival requires courage. You are not a weak man - you don't use violence, that is a sign of STRENGTH! People who use violence are weak, and have no control over their emotions. People who choose non-violence over violence are transcendental beings. You are religious, correct? People who are transcended choose non-violence over violence. Look at Jesus, who states "turn the other cheek". And the Buddha, who preached non-violence. The Buddha preached "never be violent to any living being". Jain monks do not hurt any living being - they walk bare-footed, and carry a broom. They sweep the path they walk, so that they do not hurt any insects that might be in their path that they walk.

You think "not raising a hand" is weak. That is a sign of STRENGTH! You have grown, and matured. Everything is "one". If you hurt another person, you hurt yourself. We exist as one whole organism together. You are kind to other people. You are compassionate. You are loving. You don't want to hurt anybody. You don't want any conflict.

In my honest opinion - you sound Godlike. You uphold your religion well. I wish I was as good of a man as you. I have fought, and hurt beings that did not deserve it. I have been sinful, and full of hate, and anger, and rage. And I have acted out, and caused other beings misery. I wish I could have chose the path of non-violence. But I am too weak. I salute you - the path of non-violence is sublime.

 

[MyLifeMyChoice]

You are NOT weak! You face every day with courage! You have lived this long - survival requires courage. You are not a weak man - you don't use violence, that is a sign of STRENGTH! People who use violence are weak, and have no control over their emotions. People who choose non-violence over violence are transcendental beings. You are religious, correct? People who are transcended choose non-violence over violence. Look at Jesus, who states "turn the other cheek". And the Buddha, who preached non-violence. The Buddha preached "never be violent to any living being". Jain monks do not hurt any living being - they walk bare-footed, and carry a broom. They sweep the path they walk, so that they do not hurt any insects that might be in their path that they walk.

You think "not raising a hand" is weak. That is a sign of STRENGTH! You have grown, and matured. Everything is "one". If you hurt another person, you hurt yourself. We exist as one whole organism together. You are kind to other people. You are compassionate. You are loving. You don't want to hurt anybody. You don't want any conflict.

In my honest opinion - you sound Godlike. You uphold your religion well. I wish I was as good of a man as you. I have fought, and hurt beings that did not deserve it. I have been sinful, and full of hate, and anger, and rage. And I have acted out, and caused other beings misery. I wish I could have chose the path of non-violence. But I am too weak. I salute you - the path of non-violence is sublime.

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate.

I never wanted to hurt the bully girl, even if I felt she deserved that. I have just said it several times now that I lifted my fist out of anger. I was just a kid back then, do not expect too much maturity or calmness from a 14 year old, we all went through that phase right?

 

[RedDEE]

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate.

I never wanted to hurt the bully girl, even if I felt she deserved that. I have just said it several times now that I lifted my fist out of anger. I was just a kid back then, do not expect too much maturity or calmness from a 14 year old, we all went through that phase right?

You're right. But the fact that you have continued to choose non-violence through adulthood says great things about you. Choosing non-violence doesn't make you weak. Choosing non-violence proves that you are strong. It's easy to pick a fight with somebody. It's hard to let things go.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I never wanted to hurt the bully girl, even if I felt she deserved that. I have just said it several times now that I lifted my fist out of anger. I was just a kid back then, do not expect too much maturity or calmness from a 14 year old, we all went through that phase right?

YES!

And she also pushed you to that point.

You did the best you could in an impossible situation.

I'm sorry you experienced humiliation.

It was a reflection of them, not of you.

 

[MyLifeMyChoice]

No need to apologise hope you are feeling better now

Sorry for the late reply.

Do not think you unknowingly hurt me, if you are thinking so. Actually, talking to people here did made me feel little better. I was a kid back then, a teenager of 14 years. You can not expect too much maturity and self-control from a hormonal teenager, and that is why I lifted my fist at her, overcome with anger, I hope you can now understand why I did such a thing that got me into trouble. I had no intent to hit and you can understand people often do things they regret when they are really angry, I would never physically hurt a person until they hurt me first. And that likely is the reason I can not get it off my head even after so many years, I believe. Experiences you have in adolescence greatly affect your life.

 

[waterbottleman]

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate.

I never wanted to hurt the bully girl, even if I felt she deserved that. I have just said it several times now that I lifted my fist out of anger. I was just a kid back then, do not expect too much maturity or calmness from a 14 year old, we all went through that phase right?

Sometimes bullies need a good punch in the face.

They deserve it.

Fuck bullies and their enablers too who give them self esteem and reward their behavior giving people more of an incentive to behave in that way (women who fuck bullies can go drown in a river and fuck themselves too) they all contribute to the world being a worse place.

 

[woxihuanni]

Sorry for the late reply.

Do not think you unknowingly hurt me, if you are thinking so. Actually, talking to people here did made me feel little better. I was a kid back then, a teenager of 14 years. You can not expect too much maturity and self-control from a hormonal teenager, and that is why I lifted my fist at her, overcome with anger, I hope you can now understand why I did such a thing that got me into trouble. I had no intent to hit and you can understand people often do things they regret when they are really angry, I would never physically hurt a person until they hurt me first. And that likely is the reason I can not get it off my head even after so many years, I believe. Experiences you have in adolescence greatly affect your life.

That's good to hear! I hope (and it seems to be the case that) sharing it here will go some way towards getting rid of the negative influence of this in your life. We've all done things out of anger that we regret. The good news is that, once you build resilience, it serves you well the rest of your life and you recover from new bad experiences more quickly.

Once the teenage bullies are gone, there are insecure professors who try to sabotage you, and then you graduate only to find out how much worse mobbing is than all of them. Then if your partner does not show you due respect and care, you find mobbing was a mosquito bite in comparison. We need a lot of resilience throughout life.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I'm saying actions create reactions. It is a piece of information that often comes in useful.

This is EXACTLY what abusers say.

The apologists in this thread have clearly never been subject to bullying themselves. Everyone always sides with the abuser. Abuse victims are expected to be the bigger person and to keep turning the other cheek until their head comes off.

You did nothing wrong @MyLifeMyChoice

Someone raising a fist to you is ABSOLUTELY in no way a green light to beat them up. That excuse wouldn't fly in court, and it didn't with OP's abuser. I know crackpot Americans love an excuse to beat up or shoot each other so you have to take their opinions with a grain of salt - but in any civilized country 'self defence' is not an excuse to brutalise someone in retaliation.

If she was such a 'trained fighter' like these assholes are saying she should have known to show some restraint - not to willfully hurt somone unnecessarily.

Even more infuriatingly, @woxihuanni and @GoodPersonEffed have now moved on to gaslighting OP and convinced them to apologise.

This REALLY is too much. Is this forum totally unmoderated? Why are pro-abuse trolls allowed to spread this vile bullshit.

 

[MyLifeMyChoice]

That's good to hear! I hope (and it seems to be the case that) sharing it here will go some way towards getting rid of the negative influence of this in your life. We've all done things out of anger that we regret. The good news is that, once you build resilience, it serves you well the rest of your life and you recover from new bad experiences more quickly.

Once the teenage bullies are gone, there are insecure professors who try to sabotage you, and then you graduate only to find out how much worse mobbing is than all of them. Then if your partner does not show you due respect and care, you find mobbing was a mosquito bite in comparison. We need a lot of resilience throughout life.

At least insecure professors, bosses and life partners(If you actually want to get in a relationship. Some Sufis ritually practice celibacy here and I am into the philosophy.) do not beat you up in public and humiliate you haha, at least not on the level that demon did to me. And what she did was clearly too much for just a person lifting a fist. The professors in my university so far have been fine for me, there are some 'insecure' ones but they are fine.

I wish I could build resilience, but my mind works the opposite way. The event just broke my spirit, and made facing further bad experiences even more difficult, which in turn affected my mental health for the worse even further. I am not the person who can manage to 'get over' things easily, my mind has been like that since I was young. But I hope I can still manage to get at least some confidence back, if not recover fully. Then again, some things that stick with you, you never recover fully from them, and remember them till death. I am not the person who forgets things easily either, I can remember the details. Though it helps me with exams and studying history, it also allows me to remember the bad things from the past by detail and hear it all back in my head, and sometimes get a panic attack, when the right nerve is hit.

This is EXACTLY what abusers say.

The apologists in this thread have clearly never been subject to bullying themselves. Everyone always sides with the abuser. Abuse victims are expected to be the bigger person and to keep turning the other cheek until their head comes off.

You did nothing wrong @MyLifeMyChoice

Someone raising a fist to you is ABSOLUTELY in no way a green light to beat them up. That excuse wouldn't fly in court, and it didn't with OP's abuser. I know crackpot Americans love an excuse to beat up or shoot each other so you have to take their opinions with a grain of salt - but in any civilized country 'self defence' is not an excuse to brutalise someone in retaliation.

If she was such a 'trained fighter' like these assholes are saying she should have known to show some restraint - not to willfully hurt somone unnecessarily.

Even more infuriatingly, @woxihuanni and @GoodPersonEffed have now moved on to gaslighting OP and convinced them to apologise.

This REALLY is too much. Is this forum totally unmoderated? Why are pro-abuse trolls allowed to spread this vile bullshit.

Thank you for your reply. May I post what I currently feel about this here?

I think it is correct that me lifting the fist escalated the situation, although judging from the kind of person she was, she would have moved to attack me anyway even if I kept to arguing verbally. But I also believe that what she did was still unjustifiable and even if I was responsible for escalating the situation, she is still guilty of physically assaulting me first, verbally harassing me, and potentially dealing serious injuries me. If demon's friend had not stopped her, I am sure I would have woken up in a hospital. Like you tell me those kicks by her strong legs on my stomach and chest when I was lieing on the ground would not have seriously injured me.

I do believe that she crossed the line, lifting a fist is not a reason good enough to inflict the degree of violence she used. You do not punch and knee someone, throw them to the ground, and proceed to kick them for them lifting a fist. In self defense, a thing called principle of least harm is taught on the ground of ethics that you shall not hurt somebody more than necessary for you to defend yourself. I for example would not punch my sister(You know, siblings, no matter gender difference, fight a lot. Even when all grown up.) in the nose if she grabbed me by the neck, and is too excited to consider that she is hurting me. I would instead use methods to break front holds, or maybe light hits if necessary. I may hit a classmate who got seriously aggressive with me in the head, stomp his foot etc. but will not gouge his eyeballs, 'leopard stab' him in the neck etc. If I was being robbed on the streets, I would do all of that without hesitation, but would not continue to hit the robber once he/she is on the ground, and if I do so I can even get into legal trouble. I for one would not be excused for breaking the limbs of or suffocating a robber to death who tried to rob me after I have successfully incapacitated him already, I would be criminally charged for it.

 

[woxihuanni]

At least insecure professors, bosses and life partners(If you actually want to get in a relationship. Some Sufis ritually practice celibacy here and I am into the philosophy.) do not beat you up in public and humiliate you haha, at least not on the level that demon did to me. And what she did was clearly too much for just a person lifting a fist. The professors in my university so far have been fine for me, there are some 'insecure' ones but they are fine.

I wish I could build resilience, but my mind works the opposite way. The event just broke my spirit, and made facing further bad experiences even more difficult, which in turn affected my mental health for the worse even further. I am not the person who can manage to 'get over' things easily, my mind has been like that since I was young. But I hope I can still manage to get at least some confidence back, if not recover fully. Then again, some things that stick with you, you never recover fully from them, and remember them till death. I am not the person who forgets things easily either, I can remember the details. Though it helps me with exams and studying history, it also allows me to remember the bad things from the past by detail and hear it all back in my head, and sometimes get a panic attack, when the right nerve is hit.

Glad you don't have professors who abuse their students. I've seen some. Resilience is not one big perfect chunk of a thing, every step makes your life easier.

As for the other person who says I've never been bullied. I'm afraid I'm actually laughing bitterly, yeah I wish.