Ok, I just felt that I had to get this one thing off my chest. Funny because I could not even write this earlier, it just hurt me too much to remember this. Maybe I am able to make this post because the anonymity I have here and how understanding people are here that I am able to create this post. I never told this to anybody before except one person, mostly because how humiliating it was. Forgive grammatical errors, since English is not my first language. All the talking was done in Hindi which I translated to English, so some of the words I have quoted may sound odd to non-Hindi speakers.
So, I was then a 14 year old weak boy of average height. I had no friends, and was quite shy. I was an easy picking for bullies of course, though luckily I did not had much problems with bullies, but there were a few incidents where I did of course.
Then there was this bully girl, leader of her gang from hell, whom I would refer to her as 'demon' here. Demon was a pretty big girl, she had been practicing Karate in a local dojo, or whatever they are called. She always walked with her gang and spent her free time harassing poor souls in the school. She probably never got physical with anyone before, and she was always the 'light' type of bully. She limited herself to verbal harassment and humiliation, and did not use bad language all the time. Needless to say, that did NOT made her any less of a bully.
One not-so-fine day, the school was over and I was going back home. Demon and her gangsters cornered me in the playground as I was going back home, many students including my classmates just stood there to watch the spectacle. The the demon simply crossed the line this time, I raised my voice for the first time with her ever, and asked her to stop. I simply ignored her the other times, or avoided her. The best she could do was to shout a cuss word at me right? She got angry and shouted a few swear words at me and asked me, "What will you do eh? Filthy Muslim"(Well, she was a Hindu, and quite commmunal. Wish she followed the Hindu philosophy of ahinsa or non-violence, such a hypocrite). I seriously lost it there, I raised my right arm, not in an attacking position but just to tell her that I am serious about this, I looked into her face angrily and said, "Shut up! Or I will punch you in the face." Even if I was not actually going to, for what she said, I guess no one would have blamed me if I gave her a nice punch in the face, I would say she actually deserved it. She just lost it then, she grabbed me by the collar and punched me in the face, barely missing my nose and hitting the bone besides the nose whatever it is called, but the sudden attack shocked me. She then hit me thrice in between my legs with her knees and threw me to the ground. I could not take the pain and collapsed on the ground. She began swearing at me even harder and was about to kick me, but her friend stopped her telling her that she has crossed the line this time. Demon and her friends did not hurt me anymore after this, but many of the other students who were still there watching the scene began chuckling and some began cracking jokes at me along with demon and her gangsters. Getting beaten up in such a humiliating way by a person itself is a humiliating thing, and the people chuckling at me felt like someone was rubbing salt on my cuts. I broke out crying, for which demon and friends made more fun of me, about how weak I am.
I never felt so badly humiliated in my entire life. As soon as I was in the physical and mental condition to walk, I got up and simply tried to walk back home, I did not even looked back or tried to hear what others were saying. Demon and her friends were gone by this time, so were most students. So, I reached home and actually managed to get away by making things up when my aunt(I and my sister were raised by our aunt) asked me why I was half an hour late, "I sprained my leg as I stepped down the staircase". I felt so humiliated and ashamed, I had all my confidence and self-esteem shattered in pieces. I just could not accept the fact that someone can beat me so easily in such a way, that how weak the human body is. Even if I was a big guy and could have managed to land a nice hit on her, her other gang members would have beaten me up. I felt so sad I could not sleep that day, nor did I properly eat for the next few days. My aunt grew somewhat suspicious obviously, but she never asked me anything. That one event shattered my spirit completely, and the only person I ever told this to in person, a cousin sister of mine, because I found her to be friendly to me. Admittedly, I never mentioned what she said and why did the situation escalate, I just explained the event to her along the lines "there was this bully girl who beat me up like this because we got into an argument, I could not handle the pain and collapsed to ground and cried." You know how she reacted? By smiling and giggling and saying only one sentence, "that sounds rough." She did not even consider it a serious thing, my pain and humiliation, she took it like just a simple 'rough event', even though I remained serious in explaining. The physical pain went away in a few hours, but the emotional pain never went away. I never myself told about this event to anyone after this.
As for what happened after this event. I remember other students looking at me and then hiding their faces giggling for quite some time after this event, that felt bad. Demon, maybe temporarily, gave up on bullying, probably because she herself thought she has gone too far and might get in trouble, and tried to stay low. The end of the year was already near I wanted to change school the next year, but I could not make up any valid reason for it. Thankfully, I learnt that Demon herself is leaving the school because her father wanted her to study in the capital of our state with her elder sister, it is quite a famous place for education here in our state.
What do people find funny about a boy getting beaten up by a girl in a humiliating way, it seemed the other students did find it funny? Apparently many people do, that is why it is a such common gag in movies, Japanese anime and comics, both eastern and western. And from what I have seen, the females beat up the males for silly and simple non-serious reasons, which is clearly 'bullying'. Even when people understand, people only understand the 'physical' side of things, the physical pain. Very few people even consider the emotional pain associated with it. Even if Demon beat me up like that when there was no one around, even if she did not swore at me along with beating me up, I would have still felt humiliated and depressed. Being beaten up in front of many people, which included both girls and boys, all around my age or younger, as they made fun of my pain, was very humiliating. From this day onwards, I began feeling uncomfortable close to women, close enough that they can potentially strike me, but it is by no means any problem for me, let alone serious. Just manage a comfortable distance from me and I can chat with you like normal. But I still can not forget the mental pain and humiliation I faced that day.
Ladies and Gentlemen of SanctionedSuicide, tell me, was any of that funny? Am I really overreacting when I say I feel deeply depressed and humiliated by this event?
So, I was then a 14 year old weak boy of average height. I had no friends, and was quite shy. I was an easy picking for bullies of course, though luckily I did not had much problems with bullies, but there were a few incidents where I did of course.
Then there was this bully girl, leader of her gang from hell, whom I would refer to her as 'demon' here. Demon was a pretty big girl, she had been practicing Karate in a local dojo, or whatever they are called. She always walked with her gang and spent her free time harassing poor souls in the school. She probably never got physical with anyone before, and she was always the 'light' type of bully. She limited herself to verbal harassment and humiliation, and did not use bad language all the time. Needless to say, that did NOT made her any less of a bully.
One not-so-fine day, the school was over and I was going back home. Demon and her gangsters cornered me in the playground as I was going back home, many students including my classmates just stood there to watch the spectacle. The the demon simply crossed the line this time, I raised my voice for the first time with her ever, and asked her to stop. I simply ignored her the other times, or avoided her. The best she could do was to shout a cuss word at me right? She got angry and shouted a few swear words at me and asked me, "What will you do eh? Filthy Muslim"(Well, she was a Hindu, and quite commmunal. Wish she followed the Hindu philosophy of ahinsa or non-violence, such a hypocrite). I seriously lost it there, I raised my right arm, not in an attacking position but just to tell her that I am serious about this, I looked into her face angrily and said, "Shut up! Or I will punch you in the face." Even if I was not actually going to, for what she said, I guess no one would have blamed me if I gave her a nice punch in the face, I would say she actually deserved it. She just lost it then, she grabbed me by the collar and punched me in the face, barely missing my nose and hitting the bone besides the nose whatever it is called, but the sudden attack shocked me. She then hit me thrice in between my legs with her knees and threw me to the ground. I could not take the pain and collapsed on the ground. She began swearing at me even harder and was about to kick me, but her friend stopped her telling her that she has crossed the line this time. Demon and her friends did not hurt me anymore after this, but many of the other students who were still there watching the scene began chuckling and some began cracking jokes at me along with demon and her gangsters. Getting beaten up in such a humiliating way by a person itself is a humiliating thing, and the people chuckling at me felt like someone was rubbing salt on my cuts. I broke out crying, for which demon and friends made more fun of me, about how weak I am.
I never felt so badly humiliated in my entire life. As soon as I was in the physical and mental condition to walk, I got up and simply tried to walk back home, I did not even looked back or tried to hear what others were saying. Demon and her friends were gone by this time, so were most students. So, I reached home and actually managed to get away by making things up when my aunt(I and my sister were raised by our aunt) asked me why I was half an hour late, "I sprained my leg as I stepped down the staircase". I felt so humiliated and ashamed, I had all my confidence and self-esteem shattered in pieces. I just could not accept the fact that someone can beat me so easily in such a way, that how weak the human body is. Even if I was a big guy and could have managed to land a nice hit on her, her other gang members would have beaten me up. I felt so sad I could not sleep that day, nor did I properly eat for the next few days. My aunt grew somewhat suspicious obviously, but she never asked me anything. That one event shattered my spirit completely, and the only person I ever told this to in person, a cousin sister of mine, because I found her to be friendly to me. Admittedly, I never mentioned what she said and why did the situation escalate, I just explained the event to her along the lines "there was this bully girl who beat me up like this because we got into an argument, I could not handle the pain and collapsed to ground and cried." You know how she reacted? By smiling and giggling and saying only one sentence, "that sounds rough." She did not even consider it a serious thing, my pain and humiliation, she took it like just a simple 'rough event', even though I remained serious in explaining. The physical pain went away in a few hours, but the emotional pain never went away. I never myself told about this event to anyone after this.
As for what happened after this event. I remember other students looking at me and then hiding their faces giggling for quite some time after this event, that felt bad. Demon, maybe temporarily, gave up on bullying, probably because she herself thought she has gone too far and might get in trouble, and tried to stay low. The end of the year was already near I wanted to change school the next year, but I could not make up any valid reason for it. Thankfully, I learnt that Demon herself is leaving the school because her father wanted her to study in the capital of our state with her elder sister, it is quite a famous place for education here in our state.
What do people find funny about a boy getting beaten up by a girl in a humiliating way, it seemed the other students did find it funny? Apparently many people do, that is why it is a such common gag in movies, Japanese anime and comics, both eastern and western. And from what I have seen, the females beat up the males for silly and simple non-serious reasons, which is clearly 'bullying'. Even when people understand, people only understand the 'physical' side of things, the physical pain. Very few people even consider the emotional pain associated with it. Even if Demon beat me up like that when there was no one around, even if she did not swore at me along with beating me up, I would have still felt humiliated and depressed. Being beaten up in front of many people, which included both girls and boys, all around my age or younger, as they made fun of my pain, was very humiliating. From this day onwards, I began feeling uncomfortable close to women, close enough that they can potentially strike me, but it is by no means any problem for me, let alone serious. Just manage a comfortable distance from me and I can chat with you like normal. But I still can not forget the mental pain and humiliation I faced that day.
Ladies and Gentlemen of SanctionedSuicide, tell me, was any of that funny? Am I really overreacting when I say I feel deeply depressed and humiliated by this event?
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