Story My story if anyone cares

[canibesaved]

hey, i'm 22F in USA. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember like 11 or 12. the stuff life has to offer just doesn't outweigh eternal peace for me idk. I think i'm middle school I was finally like yeah i'm gonna kill myself this is horrible tried to OD on like 12 tylenol obviously did not work. Well the years went on and the attempts got more serious and I think I have 9 attempts now :/ as you can see I desperately want out of here!!!! I really mean business I hate it here! I don't think anyone ever really found out I felt this way until attempt #6 cause that one put me in the psych ward so some people from my high school at the time found out.

Well now i'm 22 I go to school, I go to work. don't have really any friends at all and i'm just lonely. I had a boyfriend but we ended things a few months ago and it's been nothing but toxic for the last year with him. He came over the other day (after manipulating me but a whole different story) and told me how I was disgusting and ugly and frail and lazy and I don't do anything and all these other things.

And i'm not gonna lie it's been eating me alive since. so now i'm back to extensive ctb planning and finally decided to create an acct here. I hope I can share my knowledge and you guys can all share yours and I look forward to chatting with everyone.
best wishes — canibesaved

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so horrible going through that many failed attempts, I hate how it's so difficult to die, it really should be much more straightforward to find true permanent peace from this existence. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Terranova]

hey, i hope you find peace one way or another, there is alot of resources here so as far as ctb'ng methods go you wont have to look too far

 

[Enlighten]

hey, i'm 22F in USA. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember like 11 or 12. the stuff life has to offer just doesn't outweigh eternal peace for me idk. I think i'm middle school I was finally like yeah i'm gonna kill myself this is horrible tried to OD on like 12 tylenol obviously did not work. Well the years went on and the attempts got more serious and I think I have 9 attempts now :/ as you can see I desperately want out of here!!!! I really mean business I hate it here! I don't think anyone ever really found out I felt this way until attempt #6 cause that one put me in the psych ward so some people from my high school at the time found out.

Well now i'm 22 I go to school, I go to work. don't have really any friends at all and i'm just lonely. I had a boyfriend but we ended things a few months ago and it's been nothing but toxic for the last year with him. He came over the other day (after manipulating me but a whole different story) and told me how I was disgusting and ugly and frail and lazy and I don't do anything and all these other things.

And i'm not gonna lie it's been eating me alive since. so now i'm back to extensive ctb planning and finally decided to create an acct here. I hope I can share my knowledge and you guys can all share yours and I look forward to chatting with everyone.
best wishes — canibesaved

Hey OP, it pains me to read this. You have been suffering for such a long time & as a child aswell, which makes it even worse.
You are not disgusting. This guy is disgusting with an attitude like that towards people.
I would love to be your friend and ease your loneliness. I think you can be saved.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Sorry you are going through this. It's dreadful how you have been treated by your boyfriend, he sounds like a narcissistic bully.
You don't deserve this abuse.
Nobody does.

 

[hi-okbye]

i'm so sory you had to go through all that :(
as someone who has also had like 8-9 attempts, some landing in the phyc ward i can relate, it sucks. just wanting this attempt to be your last. for me i think i've almost gotten numb to attempting. like each time, there's no nervousness/excitement i would feel the first few times. just oh well, lets try this again, hope it works!
you don't deserve the things that are happening and i hope you find your eternal peace however that will be <3

 

[canibesaved]

th

i'm so sory you had to go through all that :(
as someone who has also had like 8-9 attempts, some landing in the phyc ward i can relate, it sucks. just wanting this attempt to be your last. for me i think i've almost gotten numb to attempting. like each time, there's no nervousness/excitement i would feel the first few times. just oh well, lets try this again, hope it works!
you don't deserve the things that are happening and i hope you find your eternal peace however that will be <3

thank you friend

Sorry you are going through this. It's dreadful how you have been treated by your boyfriend, he sounds like a narcissistic bully.
You don't deserve this abuse.
Nobody does.

the sad thing is he isn't even my boyfriend anymore he just always finds a way into my life when i'm just trying to heal.