Story My story and why i'm here

[Tortellin06]

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I want to make this post to tell how I got here and what is always pushing me into an endless depressive state. on this forum I would like to remain anonymous and be called tortellino since I'm afraid that someone who knows me will find me and start asking me useless questions like "ahm but I didn't think you felt like that" or other bullshit comments. but let's start from the beginning... I had my first serious depression in middle school, they kept hitting me and insulting me in every possible way, a year later in second middle school after the endless insults I couldn't take it anymore ...I jumped down the stairs of my house head first, unfortunately it didn't kill me and only caused me a small scar between my eye and my temple. I also later tried to kill myself in various ways but I never had the balls to go through with it also because the only person I am close to, my mother, would die of sadness if I committed suicide and for this reason even if I manage to prepare I can never finish anything. another bad event that led me to an almost complete state of apathy towards positive emotions was the discovery that I have diabetes (genetic) now I can't even be alone without being constantly monitored by a little thing on my arm.. .I feel helpless and unable to continue living. if anyone has a method to help me or has something to tell me please do so because most likely I won't make it to the end of next year

(Sorry for the bad english but that's not my first lenguage

 

[Close-Minded]

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I want to make this post to tell how I got here and what is always pushing me into an endless depressive state. on this forum I would like to remain anonymous and be called tortellino since I'm afraid that someone who knows me will find me and start asking me useless questions like "ahm but I didn't think you felt like that" or other bullshit comments. but let's start from the beginning... I had my first serious depression in middle school, they kept hitting me and insulting me in every possible way, a year later in second middle school after the endless insults I couldn't take it anymore ...I jumped down the stairs of my house head first, unfortunately it didn't kill me and only caused me a small scar between my eye and my temple. I also later tried to kill myself in various ways but I never had the balls to go through with it also because the only person I am close to, my mother, would die of sadness if I committed suicide and for this reason even if I manage to prepare I can never finish anything. another bad event that led me to an almost complete state of apathy towards positive emotions was the discovery that I have diabetes (genetic) now I can't even be alone without being constantly monitored by a little thing on my arm.. .I feel helpless and unable to continue living. if anyone has a method to help me or has something to tell me please do so because most likely I won't make it to the end of next year

(Sorry for the bad english but that's not my first lenguage

I got no method for you and I am sure you are tired of hearing this but don't kill yourself, If you ever wanna talk to someone I am here for ya, if you want me to drop my discord.

 

[Tortellin06]

I got no method for you and I am sure you are tired of hearing this but don't kill yourself, If you ever wanna talk to someone I am here for ya, if you want me to drop my discord.

A thousand thanks. I'm sure you're not an expert but at the end of October I have a general check-up to do, including I also have an hour-long session with a psychologist but I'm afraid to actually tell him how I feel because if he were to tell my mother that I'm depressed I would afraid that she might feel like a failure as a mother on the other hand I would like it because I want to get help and feel good again after years . How do i tell him?

 

[brokeandbroken]

A thousand thanks. I'm sure you're not an expert but at the end of October I have a general check-up to do, including I also have an hour-long session with a psychologist but I'm afraid to actually tell him how I feel because if he were to tell my mother that I'm depressed I would afraid that she might feel like a failure as a mother on the other hand I would like it because I want to get help and feel good again after years . How do i tell him?

It sounds like you want help. I think your mother would get over it. In fact if she's a good person she'll be happy you reached out for help and support you in journey towards feeling better. I hope you get the help you need and find peace. I would tell your psychologist what you told us here. In fact I would ask if you could meet sooner.

 

[RW__Asher23]

I read your reply and I think you should talk to the psychologist if you really want help. It has to be what you want and the concern for your mother I get that but from your post here I would really recommend you talk to your mom after the psych. or maybe with him/her. To stay out of hospital do not say you have a method/way to ctb right now or at home or whatever but instead ask for help you seen to want. I have NO Method for you. I usually don't reply to these kind of posts but you are new here and I think also pretty young so I am concerned and just make suggestion. Again it has to be what you want. No matter what you chose I wish you the best journey to the peace and or help you want. Wish You Peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so dreadful how humans are so unnecessarily cruel, it must be awful what you've had to go through but anyway best wishes, it's really understandable feeling so tired of suffering here.

 

[Oblivionis]

It's horrible what those people did to you, there are truly heartless people out there. But I say we should live on to spite them, how dare they live on triumphantly while we wish to CTB. And as for your mother, I was scared of telling mine of my sadness and CTB attempts too, but when I did she was supportive. She's normally very strict and hates mental illnesses (she thinks psychiatrists will lock you up like a prisoner), but she was supportive and talked to me and took me on walks. I can't say for sure if your mother will be as supportive, but I think most mothers would do anything to keep their child around.

Wishing you the best.